I am going to share some ideas with you – these are suggestions. I am NOT infallible, or an expert on dating – and I am DEFINITELY not the Holy Spirit. I am a Christian wife of almost 20 years, a mom of two children and a woman who desires to see my brothers and sisters in Christ have healthy, godly, vibrant relationships and marriages according to God’s will. These suggestions are not biblical rules. This is my attempt to hopefully help women steer away from being controlling, smothering or idolizing a guy. These are the particular women I am addressing here. If you tend to be more shy – you may actually have to work hard at speaking up and making sure the guy you like clearly sees that you are, in fact, interested in him.
LET HIM PURSUE YOU!
A girl with a feminine spirit does not force herself on a man. She does not aggressively pursue a man – trying to make him be hers no matter what the cost – putting him above Christ in her life. She does not try to make him do what she wants. She doesn’t manipulate or play games. She will SMILE and be friendly and show interest in him, signaling to him that he is welcome to talk with her. But she will not hunt him down. She also will not be totally silent, ignoring him as if she is not interested in him. That won’t work either!
- Please pray about each situation and listen carefully to God’s voice. That is the most important thing!
Men often will pursue someone they believe is a very precious and valuable woman – that tends to work best for male/female relationships. If you are aggressively pursing him and/or trying to control him, he may feel smothered by you. He must see that you know you are precious, priceless, valuable and that you respect yourself and him. You are not “easy” to get sexually – you are very difficult to “have” because you have godly standards and save sex for marriage according to God’s Word. You will only give yourself to an honorable man who respects you, respects God, treats you with dignity, is willing to save sex for marriage, upholds chastity, godly love and selflessness.
Guys do not value things that come easily - ie: giving him your body immediately.
You give all your power as a woman and as a believer in Christ away when you do that! NOT WORTH IT ON ANY LEVEL!
I love what Mark Driscoll says, “Ladies, don’t chase a man. If you start chasing a man, you’re going to be chasing him the rest of your life!”
DON’T SMOTHER HIM
If you are attracted to a godly guy and you think you want to get to know him better, be pleasant, smile at him, be friendly, go over to him and talk, introduce yourself. But I would suggest probably not to immediately assume that this is your future husband. Take things slowly. You can give him your phone number - but many times it can be wise to let him call you first.
If you begin calling him 10 times a day and texting him 30 times a day, you may easily push a guy away because he may feel smothered.
I know you WANT to call him!!! And, maybe there are some rare times that might work – to call him once or very occasionally. But generally – let him call you first. Let him ask you out first.
I believe it may be wise to be calm, not rush/push things, and just savor the journey. Enjoy him when he calls. Enjoy him when you see him. Be happy doing something else if he doesn’t contact you. If he doesn’t call you – then he may not be interested or he may need time to figure things out, or he may not be ready for a relationship right now, or he may not be sure if you are interested in him. If he doesn’t call you, then you pray and ask God to show you His next step and be ready to move on.
That is a HUGE part of a godly feminine spirit – not attaching too many feelings to the outcome of something when you are submitting to a husband or to God. Learning to be content with what you have right now and making the best of things and not trying to force your desires on a guy and on God are important steps in spiritual maturity that will come in VERY handy later in marriage and in your walk with God! If you don’t get your way – you thank God that He is leading you and knows what is best and you wait with great anticipation to see all that He has planned! Taking control and trying to FORCE things to happen a certain way generally only leads to romantic and spiritual disaster!
GIVE HIM LOTS OF TIME. PATIENCE, DEAR GIRL, PATIENCE!!!!
Guys sometimes need time to get to know a girl and bond with her over time, and sometimes they need time to think before they are ready to fully commit to an exclusive relationship.
If you act desperate, clingy or super needy, that will probably turn a guy off. If you act like you don’t want to talk with him, that will also turn him off.
I would say, don’t drop your entire life and family and friends the day you start talking to a new guy. Keep your life balanced. Keep your time with God. Stay in the Word and in prayer. Do things with your friends and family. Keep Christ squarely first in your heart and be content completely in Him no matter what happens with the man in your life!
If you do call him, only do so very sparingly and be sure he sounds interested in talking with you.
HOW A WOMAN ATTRACTS A MAN
A girl attracts a guy with her glowing smile, and her bright, adoring eyes. She admires him with her expressions, her gentle tone of voice, her words of genuine praise and admiration. She has sincere appreciation for his ideas, his physique, his dreams, his mannerisms, and his masculinity. She laughs at his jokes. She appreciates his intelligence, wit and perspective on life. She treats others – all others – with respect and honor. She respects his wisdom and counsel. She looks up to him. A girl’s acceptance and admiration of a guy makes him feel powerful and may well inspire him to want to be a better man.
She is pleasant, she smiles a lot at him, she is friendly. She understands the power of her admiration. She is not aggressive, controlling or overbearing. She dresses femininely and modestly. A girl is wise to keep a guy at arm’s length, in my view, careful not to give away physical affection or her heart too quickly – especially not before she really knows his character.
DON’T TAKE OVER AND TRY TO BE IN CHARGE OF HIM AND HIS LIFE
When a woman is bossing a guy around, criticizing him a lot, demanding things, insisting on her way, scolding her man and telling him what to do – the spark and romance will probably die. You can tell him what you want and how you feel – but let him make his own decisions, don’t push him or rush him and don’t try to take over his life as if he is not competent to handle his own affairs himself.
What Speaks Respect to Guys? (Other than physical attraction, this is the stuff that draws men to women)
What Is Disrespectful to Guys? (This is the stuff that repels them and turns them off)
Why Non-Verbal Disrespect Is a Huge Problem for Men – VIDEO (My Youtube channel is “April Cassidy”)