Which Comes First, a Woman’s Respect or a Man’s Godly Leadership?

Posted on March 31, 2013 by


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CHRIST IS RISEN!!!!!!  Have a joyous celebration of resurrection Sunday!

Today’s post is a comment from a Christian single guy in response to a post on http://www.peacefulwife.com on 3-30-12.  I believe this man’s message is very true – and I believe that if Christian women could embrace this concept of showing respect to all of our Christian brothers (ones we plan to date and ones we don’t plan to date) – God might use us to help our brothers become the leaders He desires them to be.  This is extremely counter-cultural.  Our culture says “Love should be unconditional, but respect must be earned.”  I believe if you can learn to show real respect to all men – especially Christian men – and to build them up, encourage them, praise what is good in them, appreciate what they do in the body of Christ… you become God’s partner in building His church and in building strong leaders and godly heroes.

FROM A CHRISTIAN SINGLE GUY:

From another post called, “The Walls Are Beginning To Crack”:
They need to know that we see them as they are and ACCEPT them without trying to change them. They need to see that their hearts are safe here with us. They need to see REAL, HONEST, UNFEIGNED respect from the heart.

When men are younger, there can be an odd Catch 22 we encounter with dating. Women are waiting for a man to lead before they show “respect,” and men are waiting for genuine respect and acceptance for who they are before they begin to lead. It usually becomes a stalemate, and two good people go separate ways.

Men want to know they are respected and accepted as they are before they lead, because they want to remain respected and accepted as they are when they make mistakes and fail at their leadership at times. It is part of learning to lead. Your respect and acceptance means a lot to us and our willingness to risk failure as we improve our leadership abilities.

What usually happens is young women look at all the young men with disgust because we don’t yet demonstrate the impressive qualities and lifestyles of much older men, not realizing that those things don’t happen overnight, but come gradually by the effort of many years of hard work, learning, and growing. This is when young women do great harm to godly young men, comparing them to ideals not yet attainable at that age, and dismissing and disrespecting their desire to learn and grow.

Women think they are just avoiding “bad” options, and don’t realize they are often avoiding “soon to be good” options.

They are more concerned with finding the man with the impressive résumé than a young man who DESIRES to develop those godly leadership qualities. They want a finished product, and to benefit from and reap what they have not sown. Your respect and encouragement is that powerful to us!

They are also not very good at discerning godly confidence with regular arrogance and cockiness. I once found out that a young woman’s best friends encouraged her to date a young man from a different church who was “studying to become a pastor,” because they all thought he was “more confident” than other guys at their own church. I met him, and in reality, he was just really arrogant and cocky, and was fired from his pastor job. Predictably, they broke up a short while later.

I think the DESIRE to learn and practice godly leadership should be what young women should look for and encourage with their respect.

Young men won’t have all the answers or instantly know how to make some difficult decisions. Leadership might look like the desire to grow in godly character while making life choices with cautious and wise progress more than just being arrogant and cocky, and quick to make every decision without really praying about it or ever trying to examine the heart.

It may not appear as “impressive” to woman at first, but has the early marks of true greatness.

If women can identify, appreciate, and respect the DESIRE that men have to develop godly character and practice cautious and wise leadership, then they will likely have a man who becomes a great godly, wise, and loving leader in the near future.

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

I believe that as women of God – our focus ought to be not so much on “What guy does God want for me?”  But more on “What kind of woman does God want me to be?”

I believe that a godly woman’s respect can inspire godly leadership in almost any Christian man.

** I am NOT saying to marry men with serious active addictions or men with major sin issues that are unresolved (violence, criminal activity, sleeping around with lots of women, uncontrolled mental health issues) and try to “save them” or “rescue them.”  They need Christ – not you – for salvation! **

If women focus on studying about

  • godly femininity
  • recognizing and stopping disrespectful behavior/attitudes in themselves
  • what respect means to men in general and specific men that she knows
  • inspiring others with her faith and life giving words
  • learning true humility before God
  • living with Christ truly as Lord

- I believe the godly men will come to you.

You may have a line of wonderful, godly (but not perfect) guys at your door when they see that beautiful feminine spirit in you – that gentle, peaceful spirit that trusts in Jesus and does not give way to hysterical fear.  Then your worth will be far above rubies.

  • Godly femininity is RARE today, even in the church.  
  • A woman who cherishes the gift of her femininity and uses it to honor God has stunning beauty and will stand out from the crowd because her beauty is priceless compared to the artificial beauty promoted by the world.
  • A woman who understands men, who genuinely cares about them and what they need is RARE today.  
  • A woman who embraces her God-given role of respecting her man and honoring his leadership is EXTREMELY RARE today.  You will be like an oasis in the desert in this culture.

Even if you don’t marry – godly femininity is God’s will for women.  He will use us to build up and bless those around us with these spiritual treasures of heaven no matter what our circumstances might be in the future.

It is Christ we cannot live without.  It is Him we must have our hearts set on 100%.  The other stuff may come or go.  Let’s hold everything loosely except for Jesus.

Quoting a husband fromPeacefulwife last week:

Words are wind – or a dripping faucet.

Men can tune out words.

But a man cannot tune out respect.

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