Loyalty – Part 2

Posted on June 24, 2013 by


siloutte couple

For Part 1, please click here.

For Wikipedia’s definition of loyalty – please click here.

What is loyalty in a Christian committed romantic relationship?

First, I want to emphasize, that loyalty to any other human must always come BELOW our loyalty to Christ.  Our primary loyalty in this life is to Him.  If anything/anyone conflicts with our loyalty to Christ Jesus, then we must choose Him over that other thing/person.

In a Christian dating/courting/engagement relationship  where the end goal is marriage, my view is that there ought to be an increasing measure of loyalty between the man and woman as the relationship deepens.

As the relationship approaches marriage – there will be a “leaving” of other relationships and a “cleaving” to the spouse-to-be.  This culminates on the wedding day – with the consummation of marriage.  And from that point on, as women, we are under the authority of our new husband, not our parents.  We are accountable to our husband, not our friends.  We are to please our husband above all other people – unless he asks us to sin/condone sin.

We will still love and honor other people.  But we are not required to please other people.  We are not under the authority of other family and friends.  (We are NEVER to please people above God – even our husbands.  Our primary directive is always to seek to please God!) We may actually need to take a few steps back emotionally from other people in our lives as we approach marriage.  Now it will be my husband I call first when something good or bad happens.  I will seek his opinion about what I should do in particular situations – not my parents’ opinions or my friends’ opinions any more.  There will be a break to some degree in those other relationships as I focus on cleaving to my husband and making him first in importance in my human relationships.

Our covenant with our husband means that we build a hedge of protection around our marriage.  Proverbs talks about this often – guarding our hearts and our marriages is wise!  We guard and protect our man.  We don’t trash talk him to other people.  We speak highly of him.  We act respectfully.  We bring up issues or concerns to him directly with gentleness, good manners, a friendly tone of voice and with respect.  We bring him good and not evil all the days of our lives!

FROM A GUY’S POINT OF VIEW

Telling other people things you don’t respect about your man seems like a VERY BIG DEAL to guys.  Women may not think of it like that.  But, to men, respect is extremely important.  Guys don’t go around running other men down.  To men, exposing them to public humiliation and disrespect is just about one of the most disrespectful things a woman can do.

Men have an unspoken code of honor.  They don’t smear each other in public – unless it is a political campaign or some other “war.”

They expect us to know and understand this code of honor.  They are trusting us with their hearts, souls, feelings and emotions when they commit to us romantically.   I think it would be a great idea to talk to your guy and ask him what his definition of loyalty is so you can have a practical understanding of what it means to be trustworthy to him ahead of time.

WITH OUR GIRL FRIENDS

Sometimes we as women want to maintain total transparency with their girlfriends and talk about “everything” the way we always did in the past.  That can actually be a dangerous practice.  If you have very godly friends, who will support a biblical model of marriage and who will pray with you and call you out on your own sin – you may be able to share a lot of things with them.  But there will be some things that are too private to share.  There are some things that your man will expect you to be trustworthy about in not sharing with other people, even your BFFs.  This is part of learning wisdom and discretion.

Whatever you do, please do not list your man’s faults to all of your coworkers, on Facebook, and to all of your friends and family.  If you smear his reputation publicly – that is damage that can be impossible to undo.  It will also cause him to not trust you and to shut you out of his heart.  You will then pay dearly in emotional/spiritual intimacy.  It is not worth it!

Please think carefully before sharing something negative with anyone else about your man.  Take it to God in prayer – with a humble attitude, seeking God’s will and to honor Him and obey Him.  If you have a godly mentor wife, she would be a safe place to share most things.  But even then, share with respect and  be a faithful, trustworthy, responsible partner to your man.  Use  GREAT caution in sharing his vulnerabilities.

Synonyms of loyalty:

faithfulness, steadfastness, commitment, devotion, allegiance, trustworthiness, constancy, reliability, fidelity, dependability, adhesion, attachment,

Antonyms of loyalty:

alienation, disaffection, estrangement, separation, faithlessness, falseness, infidelity, treachery

A WORD OF WARNING:

If a man you are seeing wants to immediately isolate you from your family and friends and pressures you to commit to him and marry him quickly – that can be a huge warning sign of a very controlling/manipulative/ungodly man.  It takes more than a few weeks to know a man’s character.  It takes time to be able to tell that a man is truly seeking God first and that he is a strong believer in Christ.

There will be an eventual breaking away from family and friends to a degree (not a total breaking away!) in order to put the marriage relationship in its proper place of importance.  But I want to be sure that the man you are committing yourself to is, in fact, a godly man.  When we are in love and infatuated, it can be very easy to be deceived.   If your parents or godly friends or mentors have strong objections to a man you are seeing, please hear them out and seek godly, impartial counsel – maybe from a pastor or Christian counselor or godly mentoring woman you trust.

****  If a man wants you to hide the fact that he is abusing you physically, sexually, mentally – please find godly help ASAP!!!!!!!!

If you have an issue you’d like to talk with me about, you are welcome to email me at aprilc@sc.rr.com.

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