Choosing a Guy Who is a Godly Leader

Posted on March 17, 2012 by

When you are choosing a guy to date/court/marry, be SURE you are choosing someone who has godly leadership qualities.  God designed husbands to be the leaders in marriage.  That does not mean that a wife is not as valuable as a husband in God’s sight.  Men and women are of equal value to God (Galatians 3:28).  But God designed marriage to be a living picture of the relationship between Christ and His church – the husband represents Christ and the wife represents the church.

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”  Ephesians 5:22-24


Study what the Bible says about godly leadership, and look for guys like THAT to fall in love with!  Christlikeness is VERY attractive in a man!  That is what all women want from their husbands once they are married.

But do keep in mind – godly leadership is a progression of learning and experience.  A young single man who has never been married cannot and will not have all of the godly leadership and wisdom of a man who has been faithful to Christ and his wife for 20 years and has been practicing godly leadership for two decades.

Look for qualities of godly leadership  – but realize that real sanctification and holiness does take time, trials and suffering to be produced.

The overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkeness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.  He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.  (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)  He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil.  He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.

Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain.  They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience.  They must first be tested, and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.

I Timothy 3:1-10

These are the qualities to look for in a potential boyfriend or husband!  Your parents may also be able to help you test the character of potential suitors.  Dads are especially valuable here – to interview the young men you are interested in and who are interested in you – to ask them deep and probing questions about their faith, their understanding of the Bible, their motivations, their aspirations and goals.  Your parents can help guard and protect you from a guy who might seem great but has some deep character or spiritual flaws that might wound you terribly in a future marriage.

  • Choose guys who desire  to abstain from lust – whether it is pornography, or looking at girls who are walking by and entertaining lustful thoughts.
  • Choose guys who are committed to your sexual purity and to their own.
  • Choose guys who do not have any active drug or alcohol addiction (and who have been sober for some significant period of time).  Keep in mind that any addiction is an idol and a person cannot serve an addiction and God!  He also cannot lead in a godly way if he is ensnared and enslaved to an idol of addiction.  His addiction will ALWAYS come first!  Your needs and your best interests will not be on the radar screen of someone who deals with an addiction.

Thank God there is forgiveness for sexual sin and for addictions!  You may fall in love with a godly man who has these things in his past.  But be sure he has a long history of overcoming those failures successfully through the power of Christ and that he has godly older men for accountability partners if he has a history of an addiction.

I’m so thankful God can take our failures and turn them into victories for His kingdom.  There are godly men out there.  Of course we cannot have perfection.   All men are sinners and all men will hurt us at times.  All women are equally awful sinners and we will hurt our men at times, too. But we can find guys who are actively seeking to love God and love people and honor God with everything they are.  Those are the guys who will make the best husbands!

  • Choose a guy who has an even temper!  An angry man is very difficult to live with!  And whatever anger level you see before marriage will intensify after marriage!
  • You want a guy who can be gentle, who is generally in control of his voice and his physical reactions.
  • You want a guy who will protect you, not hurt you.  Please do not think you can change a violent man!  Do not think that it’s your fault if he is violent.  But seek godly help for both of  you before committing to marry such a man.

Look for the fruit of the Spirit:

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  (Galatians 5:22)


I pray for each precious girl who reads these words.  Give them Your direction, wisdom and clarity to find the life You most desire them to have!  Let them find Your narrow path that leads to life and find a godly man to be their husband who will represent Christ well to them and their future children if that is Your will.  Prepare these women for being godly women!  Let them grow in character, maturity and Christlikeness that they might bring great glory to You!