Handling Sexual Pressure From Guys

Posted on April 4, 2012 by


Sexual pressure can come in a variety of forms from a variety of guys in your life.   There may be guys who want to rob you of the treasure of your sexual purity.  It is NEVER fun to feel like someone is trying to force you to to do anything sexually.  Whether it is your steady boyfriend, your fiance, an acquaintance, a coworker or a stranger – you need to have strategies in place ahead of time to handle these situations.  Like the Boyscouts say, “Always be prepared!”  Your virginity and sexual purity is a valuable treasure!  Guard it well!!!

KEEPING INTRUDERS FROM YOUR TREASURE

God’s ultimate will for your sexuality is to save yourself for your wedding night from this moment on.  It is up to YOU to cherish and protect your virginity –  your emotional/spiritual/physical/sexual health.  But when you are still living under your parents’ roof, you can also enlist their help.  It is your dad’s job, in particular, to help protect you from harm, including sexual pressure and sexual impurity.  It’s ok to ask your dad (or mom) to make rules for you that you are not allowed to be alone with a guy anywhere.  It’s ok to ask for  curfews and for accountability.  Ideally, parents would make these rules on their own, but you may need to ask them for rules.  This takes the pressure off of you and you can blame your parents – for some girls it is a lot easier to say, “My parents won’t let me be alone with you,”  than to say, “I don’t want to be alone with you” or “We shouldn’t be alone.”

PRACTICAL STEPS FOR PREVENTION OF SEXUAL TEMPTATION

What are some things to commit to in order to preserve your virginity and sexual purity?  Ideally, you would have these standards and goals in mind WAY before you start dating anyone.   These are my personal suggestions (Seek God and listen to His Spirit, His Word and wise, godly counsel in your life):

  • Ideally, you would be wise not to start talking about marriage and making serious commitments to a guy until he is actually able to financially provide for you.  I would suggest keeping things much more casual and not being too quick to say things like, “I love you”  “We’re dating” “Let’s get married after we are out of high school” –  those kinds of verbal commitments can make a girl feel like it’s ok to let her guard down with her boyfriend because they will “be getting married later.”  The problem is, you don’t know that for sure!  Also, words don’t mean as much to guys as they do to us, and there are guys who will say almost anything to make you feel more comfortable giving up your body to them.  But even if you do get married 6-7 years later, you will NEVER regret saving your sexuality for your wedding night.  Yes, it is hard to wait.  But millions of girls regret giving themselves away sexually too soon.  The fall-out of sexual sin is much more difficult to handle than the waiting for your wedding!  I PROMISE!  God can empower you by His Spirit to obey His Word! And He can give you joy and peace as you wait – especially if you are not pushing the envelope trying to get away with as much as you can, but truly patiently waiting.
  • Pray about whether you may want to have a policy not to be alone with a guy whenever possible.  Ask your parents for a rule about this if you need to.  It’s unwise to have two teenagers or young adults full of hormones to be alone together a lot. That is a recipe for failure for many people.  If your goal is to maintain your sexual purity – you don’t go with a guy to a bedroom – ever.  You don’t go to a guy’s house when his parents aren’t there.  You don’t let a guy come to your house when your parents aren’t there.  You make sure there are parents in the house and that they will be checking on you frequently if you are not within eye sight.  You stay within earshot of your parents. You do not go park in a car with a guy and start making out.  The closer you step to the edge of the cliff, the more likely you are to fall.  The question really is not, “How far is too far sexually?”  But “How can I stay close to God?  How can I best protect my innocence and purity?”  “How can I stay as far away from the edge as possible?”  “How do I keep my sexual purity and virginity a high priority?”
  • Pray and look for godly young men who pursue Christ with their whole strength.
  • Decide ahead of time not to touch a guy anywhere that long shorts would cover – not on top of clothes or under clothes.   Or use an even more stringent guideline if you believe that is what God would prefer for you!  Really think about and pray about this stuff ahead of time so that your convictions cannot be swayed in the moment.
  • Decide ahead of time not to allow a guy to touch you anywhere on your body that long shorts would cover on you or that a tank top would cover.  This is probably a good rule of thumb but if you want to have a stricter guideline, that is perfectly fine!
  • Decide ahead of time to give brief hugs and don’t put your hands under a guy’s clothes, or let him put his hands under your clothes.
  • Decide ahead of time not to sit on a bed with a guy.  Even a couch might be an issue, or the floor.  Especially if no one else is in the room.  Be very proactive to consider what you are doing and where it will lead.  Concentrate on the guy’s spirit, character and Christlikeness.  Don’t give your “flesh” provisions that make sin and temptation easy.
  • If you are going to kiss a guy (some girls plan to wait to kiss until their wedding day or until they are engaged), decide ahead of time to keep kisses brief maybe on the porch where there is no where to sit and no where to lean against – have them at the very end of the date and then go inside quickly by yourself.  But I would recommend waiting for kissing for a long time.  The more physical you get with a guy, the more physical you will both want to be, and things can quickly spiral out of control.  And the more physical you get with a guy, the more you will start to emotionally bond to him – and the more heartache you will have if you break up later.  Another down side to getting too physical is that the hormones that make you feel so bonded to him from making out and kissing will cloud your judgment of his character and make you a lot less observant of this guy’s true Christlikeness.  THAT IS A HUGE PROBLEM!  Be clearminded before you commit to a man.  You want a guy that is Spirit filled and as Christ like as possible to be the best husband for you! The time to judge a guy’s character is BEFORE you marry him.  Can you accept and respect this man exactly AS IS and respect him?  If not, do NOT date or court him!
  • You and your parents may want to purchase a promise ring for you to wear as a daily reminder of your committment to save your virginity for your wedding night – a gift you can give your future husband one day!
  • Ideally ask your parents to wait up for you (if you still live at home) so that you have accountability to be inside by a certain time.  Have them ask you questions and be honest with them about how you are handling lust and sexual pressure (or a godly older woman at church if your parents are not strong believers).
  • Never include alcohol on your dates.  You will be in an altered state and be willing to do things that you would never be willing to do if you were sober.  Even if you are of legal drinking age, alcohol can lead to some serious heart break, poor choices and devastating consequences in romantic relationships.  Commit yourself to being aware of your surroundings and what is going on!
  • Don’t date guys who have any kind of active addiction – alcohol, drugs, gambling, even pornography.  Addictions are idols for people.  A man is supposed to put your interests ahead of his own.  But if he is addicted to something, the addiction WILL come first.  Your safety, your feelings, your well-being, your future and the safety of your children one day will NOT be priorities for someone in an active addiction.  YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM!  You must be able to respect and accept the guy as he is right now.  Do not fall for the idea that you might be able to get him to come to Christ – so you will date him thinking you will be a missionary to him.   Pray for unsaved men, but don’t date them.  God wants you to have a godly husband who follows Jesus as Lord of his life.  DO NOT date guys who aren’t passionate for Christ!  Don’t date worldly believers or unbelievers.  It is not worth the pain!  You can pray for these guys, but they are not dating material for you.
  • Scripture says to flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith , love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.  I Timothy 2:22  So be with people who want to honor Christ.  Don’t date guys who don’t love Jesus with all their hearts!  Date guys who love Christ and who desire to honor and protect your sexuality!!!

IF YOU ARE BEING PRESSURED

Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.  Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.  I Corinthians 6:18-20

  • If a guy is trying to get you to do more than you want to do – YOU RUN!  This is the only response the Bible endorses.  Get out of the situation. Immediately go home.  Immediately get out of the room with him.  Stop everything, and just get out.  DO NOT try to have a conversation.  Do not try to reason with the guy.  Don’t try to explain yourself.  Gently push him away, or forcefully push him away if necessary and you leave.  Don’t give a speech or a lecture.   You GET AWAY!  Whether it is your fiance, your boyfriend, an acquaintance, or a stranger, YOU LEAVE AS SOON as you feel at all uncomfortable.  You can ask a friend to pick you up, or your parents.    You get out, get with godly people who can help you and you pray to God for wisdom!
  • If a guy physically stops you from leaving or pins you down – you cause a scene!  You scream.  Make sure that he understands you are not ok with what he’s doing.  Demand that he let you go.  Demand that he not touch you anymore.  Tell him you will not see him again if he doesn’t let you go RIGHT NOW. You threaten to call the police if the situation is bad enough.  But you shouldn’t be in a house alone with a guy to start with – so if his parents or your parents are there, or other people are there, and you are dating a Christian man –  he should be willing to let you go without a scene at any time.  You shouldn’t ever feel trapped by him.
  • Fervently pray and evaluate if you can continue a relationship with this guy.   You get some space and time and clear your head and really think.  If this man was forcing himself on you – he may not be someone you can trust again – especially if he wouldn’t stop when you asked him to stop.  There have to be SERIOUS plans in place to avoid temptation in the future or this relationship could drag you away from God.  He may have to not touch you at all for some long period of time to prove he is trustworthy and worthy of your attention.  No guy is worth giving in to sexual temptation! NO GUY is worth your relationship with God, your virginity, your honor and your purity!  A godly guy will want to protect your sexual purity and will defend your honor.  If you need wise counsel – seek out a mature believer – an older woman at church or possibly even a pastor or Christian counselor to talk to.
  • Talk to a godly mentor – a godly woman at church who can help you wisely decide what to do from here.
  • Talk to your parents if possible and ask them to help keep you accountable.
  • Pray every night for your future husband and for your purity and that God will empower you to save yourself for your husband for that precious night.  Write to your future husband when you are being tempted in a relationship.  Tell him how hard it is but how it is worth it to be able to save yourself for him.  Pray for your future husband’s purity, too.
  • Study everything you can about sexual purity, chastity, virginity and how to keep yourself in the center of God’s will for your sexuality.
  • Surround yourself with other girls who are committed to sexual purity and who will keep you accountable.

Lord,

Help these precious single girls to discover the awesome plan You have for them as women, as potential future wives, as potential future moms and as believers.  Help them embrace Your desire for their sexuality.  Help them to see that Your rules are in place for their benefit, protection, blessing and fulfillment as women.  Help them to appreciate the protection and spiritual authority of their dads.  Help them to appreciate the protection and wisdom of Your powerful Word.  Let them be women of prayer, women of faith and women who love You and love people.   Help them to patiently wait for the godly husband You have for them, and to bravely accept whatever assignment You have in store for them to build Your kingdom.  Help them be willing to be courageous and go against the world’s ways and expectations.  Let these be godly young women of character, purity, faithfulness to Christ, obedience, fervent prayer, peace and joy!  Let this generation of women change the tide in our nation and return to Christ.  Let them embrace Your design for marriage, motherhood, femininity and sexuality.  Let them teach the next generation well and inspire their future husbands to become the godly leaders that You desire them to be!

Amen!

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