Making Idols out of Romantic Relationships, Guys, Engagement, Boyfriends, Husbands…

Posted on April 17, 2012 by

We talked about what idolatry is in the last post.  Now, lets cover some of the ways that idolatry plays out.  I believe a lot of this begins in middle school, maybe even earlier.  It is a progressive series of idols that girls tend to glorify, worship, obsess over and would do ANYTHING to have – give up time, money, self, identity, virginity, future, family relationships, other friendships, health, and almost anything else for the promise and allure of romance, love and feeling safe and cherished with a guy.  Romance and having a committed relationship and marriage are WONDERFUL things.  But we have to be so careful not to let these goals overtake God’s place in our heart.

Ultimately, we can only find true contentment in God’s Ultimate Love for us.

We sometimes think,

  • “If only I had a boyfriend!  I would be happy!  I would always feel loved and safe.  I would always feel wanted.  I want a boyfriend more than ANYTHING!”
  • “If only my boyfriend would propose to me, I would be so happy!  Being engaged would be the BEST thing ever!  Why won’t my boyfriend propose already?  I need to get him to ask me to marry him.  He’s taking way too long.  Maybe I’ll just ask him.”
  • “If only we could be married, I would be so happy and never be lonely or have any problems again!”
  • And then it just moves on to other things – having babies, buying a house, fixing up a house, having a vacation, having more money…

We are NEVER satisfied by all these idols – only Jesus can give us true fulfillment, joy and contentment!  These things aren’t bad things on their own.  In fact, they are good!  But when we try to put them in the God part of our hearts and worship them, glorify them, serve them, sacrifice everything for them – we are on a destructive path!

The problem is that all idol worship will eventually destroy the idol worshipper

Idol worship eventually takes away our time, our money, our family relationships, our health and ultimately, our life.  There is a progression that can occur when we make anything an idol.  The following include some likely scenarios.  The extent of destruction will depend on a number of factors including the degree of commitment to the idol and the extent of the girl’s willingness to sacrifice everything to that particular idol over time.


When a girl makes getting the attention of men/guys her idol, she may:

  • dress immodestly to attract guys’ attention.
  • flaunt her body.
  • not want to give up the attention of a guy once she gets it.
  • be willing to give herself sexually in dangerous and ungodly situations to try to keep a guy’s attention – not realizing that being “easy” actually repels guys in the end and doesn’t make them bond to her.  So she gives up her precious virtue, virginity and chastity for a guy who cares NOTHING for her soul, her pain, the consequences of his actions on her, her safety, her well-being, her heart or the way her soul will be torn and broken because in her mind and her body – they were one flesh, and part of her will always be with him from that moment on.
  • give up godly friends to get more attention from guys who are willing to give her attention, even if it is in the wrong ways.
  • drop her relationship with God and any godly influences
  • suffer consequences from STDs and possible physical and sexual abuse at the hands of men who are attracted to what she advertises with her appearance and her use of her body.
  • be willing to do almost anything to look sexy  – including spending all of her time and money on clothing, makeup, hair, vanity, appearance, surgery, etc. (so she may also begin to worship the idol of beauty and appearance)
  • be willing to go farther and farther in order to get the male attention she craves – and if she goes far enough, she may end up involved as a stripper, in the pornography industry, prostitution or possibly become a victim of the sex slave industry. Even if she doesn’t get into the sex industry, she may be willing to give sex to so many men that her heart, spirit and body will be very wounded, broken and damaged. (Praise God, there is hope for everyone who is willing to turn from his/her sin and turn to Christ!)


When a girl sets up the idea of having a steady boyfriend/husband in her heart and life as an idol, she may:

  • Come across as desperate and needy – (which repels spiritually, mentally and emotionally healthy and stable guys).
  • Pounce on them before they can approach her – which also repels guys.  They like to pursue girls who know they are valuable.  Guys don’t generally want girls that are aggressive and who smother them with immediate attention.
  • express that what she really wants is the STATUS of a relationship or husband, NOT that she actually respects, loves and admires a particular man.  Guys don’t like that either! No one would like to be in a relationship where he/she just feels “used.” They want to be loved for who they are, not for the “things” they could give.
  • Do anything to get a boyfriend – including dressing immodestly, drinking to excess, putting herself in compromising positions, giving away her virginity and sexuality sometimes before there is even any kind of commitment from the guy at all.  Again, girls make this mistake A LOT!  Girls feel very bonded with a guy after having sex – and they mistakenly think that having sex with a guy will make him want to stay with her and love her.  But GUYS DO NOT BOND THIS WAY!  Especially not right away.  Guys bond by having to pursue and chase a girl, by not being able to have her too easily, by having to wait for her – especially when they have to wait for marriage to have sex with her – then she is extremely precious and valuable in a guy’s eyes! God’s way WORKS. God’s wisdom keeps us from being scarred and wounded on every level. He gives us the commands He does because He loves us and wants the very best for every area of our lives.
  • often worship the idols of sexiness/beauty/vanity/thinness (which can then lead to very dangerous eating disorders) to try to attract guys.
  • put up with extremely bad behavior in a guy because she is so desperate to keep him.  So she may put up with infidelity, addictions, abuse, laziness, ungodly character, etc…. just because of her desperation to be with someone.  She doesn’t want to be alone.   She thinks being with any guy is better than being alone.  NOT TRUE!
  • try to hurry the relationship along.  She’ll push to say they are dating exclusively.  Then that makes her feel good for awhile.  But soon, the rush of a committed boyfriend wears off, and she needs MORE to try to fill the bottomless pit in her heart (that should be filled only with God).  So then she begins to push for sex, or for them to move in together, or for engagement, or for marriage, or for having a baby together.  And with each new level of committment, she feels better for awhile.  But then she needs more!  The rush wears off!  Guys REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE being pushed or rushed in relationships!  They do NOT like being controlled.  They like to set the pace themselves when they are good and ready they will say “I love you” first and they will offer committment and offer marriage.  THAT is the way it works best!  When the girl is in control, there is no romance, no way to delight her, no way for her to be happy.  She always wants more, more, more.  She has her grip so tightly around him that he feels smothered and like he can’t breathe.  She will usually scare him away by trying to MAKE him commit and MAKE him propose and FORCE him to marry her.  That is not the way to get a guy to stay around long term!
  • be disappointed in her guy all the time.  Because she is expecting him to be Christ to her!  But he can’t handle all of her neediness.  He can’t carry the weight of trying to be the sole source of her joy and happiness.  He can’t be perfect ! He can’t be God!  He can’t remotely begin to meet all of  her daunting emotional and spiritual needs.  He will start to pull away because he can’t succeed with making this girl happy.  She seems like a bottomless pit of need and he begins to drown in her neediness.  Eventually, a guy who is being worshipped has to escape OR the girl who worships him will become so bitter, resentful, angry and disappointed that she will end the relationship and move on to someone “better” who can fulfill all her needs – only to be greatly disappointed again.


Help us to only put You as God in our hearts!  Open our eyes to the idols in our lives.  Help us confess our sin of idolatry to You and make things right with You.  Help us to live in continual worship that glorifies and honors You and that brings us great satisfaction, contentment and peace!

In Jesus’ Name,