My Generation Bought the Lie – You Can Have it All!

Posted on April 25, 2012 by


It’s important for us to look at the messages we have been consuming all our lives and question them in light of God’s Word before we just swallow what we hear and build our lives on ungodly premises.

The WORLD and MASCULINITY VS. FEMININITY

Our culture has been telling us for 60 years now that women should have a life-long career and that the workplace is the main arena in life to find fulfillment as a woman.  We have learned that men and women are not just equal in value – they are the SAME with the exception of a few minor external details and have the same thoughts, needs and perspectives.  They should do the same things and think the same way.  Men should be more feminine.  Women should be more masculine.  There should be ZERO differences between the things men and women do at work and home and the way they do them.

HAVING CHILDREN

Our culture teaches us that children are a nuisance, a burden and they will ruin your career and your figure.  Our culture says that you should never be “enslaved” by becoming a wife and mother.  But if you do marry, you should be in charge!

GOD

Our culture says that

  • God isn’t male – it’s a female or whatever you want god to be.
  • You can be god yourself!
  • There is no authority in the Bible.
  • There is no problem with women having authority over men and that women are equal or better leaders in church, business and at home than men.
  • it is necessary to destroy every ‘oppressive and archaic’ God-given authority there is in society and the church.

These thoughts have been so mainstream for so long that many of us accept them as the way things are.  We don’t even question our culture because everything seems “normal.”  It’s how it has always been for almost all of us who are under 50.

Our culture seeks to destroy the biblical concept of God, His authority, His Word, the structure of authority in the church and the structure of authority in the home.  Our culture also attempts to destroy the institution of marriage and continues its march to forever alter the definition of masculinity, femininity, marriage, sexuality and parenthood.  Now, western culture also embraces a fluid concept of gender, bisexuality, homosexuality and other definitions for marriage other than one man one woman.  Our “forward thinking, progressive culture” also promotes abortion, birth control pills and the mentality that children are unnecessary and an impediment to finding pleasure in life – which is ultimately our main goal – finding pleasure.

Let’s compare these ideas to the truth of God’s Word.

YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL

Let’s look at the concept that “You can have it all, girl!  You can have a stellar, go-getter career and make tons of money AND be a great wife, mom and homemaker.  You can balance it and it will all work beautifully!”

The truth – you may be able to have it all, but probably not all at the same time!

THE RUSH

The truth is  – it can be almost IMPOSSIBLE to do all of these things well all at the same time!  Before you go down this path – talk to some women in their 40s or 50s who tried to have it all and see where they ended up.  There is only so much time in the week and in each day.   If you are working 8-9 hours/day, then you actually only have supper and bedtime with your children (if you work from 9am-5pm on week days).  You will be rushing ALL the time.

  • You rush in the morning to get yourself ready for work, your children ready for school.
  • You rush home and try to handle supper as quickly as possible.   When you have young children, many of them go to bed by 7pm.  So you have to get them fed, bathed and put down for bed right away.
  • Time becomes the priority in preparing meals, not nutrition, enjoying each other’s company or keeping costs down.
  • You rush through supper (if you even sit down as a family together at all- many families eat fast food in the car on the way to the next sporting activity or musical lesson).
  • Then you try to get the children to rush through their homework.
  • You rush the children through getting ready for bed and then rush them to sleep.
  • You rush through trying to catch up with all the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, bill-paying and chores once the children are in bed because there is no other time to handle all of this

THE FIRST THINGS TO GO

A woman who works full time or even part time, who is a believer in Christ, who is married, who has children and a home to take care of has to let things go somewhere.  She cannot do everything.

Usually here is what goes:

  • time with God – IMMEDIATELY goes first.  We say God is our priority.  But relationship with Him takes TIME.  Serious time.  We can’t spiritually starve ourselves, never talk to Him and never be still and calm and quiet and listen to Him and have a strong, intimate, dynamic, powerful, Spirit-filled relationship with Jesus.  But “the tyranny of the urgent” takes over and all the urgent things that need to be done so quickly consume our time at the expense of our greatest priority in life.
  • time with our husbands – we are so exhausted and stressed that we are up late helping kids with homework, finishing chores, walking the dog, cleaning up from supper, ironing the clothes for tomorrow – that we collapse exhausted into bed at 10:00 or 11:00 or 12:00 at night and have ZERO energy left to give our husbands.  We don’t have time to hear about his day.  We don’t have time to hear about what he wants in his life or about his dreams.  We don’t have time to connect emotionally – and then because we are so exhausted and don’t have time to connect emotionally – we would rather sleep than connect sexually.  And we miss out on building those times of spiritual, emotional and sexual intimacy that keep our marriage going strong.
  • time with our children –  When we are working full time or part time – there are so many little precious moments that we miss out on because we aren’t there.  That first smile, the baby’s first steps, her first word, his first tooth, her first wave.  But we miss out on more than just the milestones.  We miss out on that daily interaction, reading together more, going on walks, going to the zoo, cuddling, talking about God, teaching our children to love God’s Word, singing together, making forts together, building train tracks together, discovering the Robin’s nest on the front porch together, talking about what the bully said at school, visiting her at lunch each week, the ride home from school when he is most likely to share all the details about his day.  We also miss out on monitoring friendships and priorities and hurt feelings and misunderstandings in our children’s hearts.   We aren’t there and it is much harder to control the worldly influences they are exposed to after school before we get home.  It’s super easy to feel overwhelming guilt.
  • time for friends – When we are so crazy busy – we lose touch with godly girlfriends and even our own mothers and sisters and extended family.
  • time for self –  Another thing that is very difficult to fit in when we are working a lot is time to exercise.  Time to just relax.  TIME TO SLEEP!  Time to eat healthy meals.  Time to savor nature.  Time to enjoy a book.  Time to do a hobby.  We miss out on these self-nurturing, important things that replenish and rejuvenate our hearts, minds, souls and bodies.

WHAT IS IMPORTANT?

The truth is – wives and moms NEED time to spend with God, time with their husbands to relax, time with girlfriends, time to exercise, time to sleep, time to take good care of their own spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health!  That’s just how we are made.  We are NOT above the limitations of our bodies.  If we ignore our needs and don’t take good care of ourselves, we’ll run ourselves into the ground and be pretty useless to everyone!

Keep in  mind that your body is designed to be most fertile to have babies in your 20s and early 30s.  If you decide to have your career first and think you’ll have time for babies after you are 35, you may be set up for huge heartbreak!  I pray that believing women might work with their biology when making plans!

TWO FULL-TIME JOBS

In two income homes, it is still the wife’s main responsibility to handle ALL the housework in 80% of families today.    Many wives resent their husbands because the wives are working full-time, too, and doing all the house work and doing all the child care when they are home.  There is no time to rest, rejuvenate your soul or recharge for many working moms.  So you have a full time job, then you come home to another more-than-full-time job.

WHAT WILL YOUR DECISIONS LOOK LIKE?

I am definitely not in any position to tell you what God wants you to do with your life. 

I think the things I write may not apply to everyone.

  • I am sure there are some women God is calling to be single and to have a career and/or ministry and be completely devoted to Him without the distractions of family.
  • There are some women who are called to work full time or part time.
  • There are some women who are called to stay home full time.

These are things that each woman and each married couple must hash out with God and between themselves.

When I was making career choices and decisions about what I would want in the future as a young woman, I didn’t see much information out there about how to prioritize and strive for balance and keep the important things central.  I see God use me in the pharmacy to minister and bless people.  My husband wants me to work 1-2 days per week – so I do.  I’m thankful for my job and I am thankful for the chance to be home so much with my children.

I pray that you will be able to find balance and fulfillment, too!

I would encourage you to marry a guy who loves Jesus WAY more than he loves you!  And a guy who loves children.  I’d also encourage you to choose your college, career and debt load wisely so that once you do have your precious babies you can be free to be with them as much as you want to and you won’t be a slave to an expensive mortgage, car payment, student loans or credit card debt.

But these are issues that I believe girls should think about, pray about and consider before making major life choices that can be very difficult to change.   It’s so much easier to make decisions when you have more information and different perspectives.  I pray that God might give you wisdom and help you find the path He has for you that will bring you the most fulfillment, joy and make the greatest impact for the kingdom of heaven.  I pray that God will help you find ways to make the eternal things your biggest priorities and not let “the tyranny of the urgent” keep you from doing the things that really matter to you and to God.

RESOURCES:

The Life Ready Woman by Shaunti Feldhahn is a GREAT book about seeing God’s will for His people, for women in particular and then for us as individuals and about how to keep our priorities truly our priorities in practice in our lifestyle.

Lord,

I pray You will give each precious girl who reads this Your wisdom, direction, inspiration and light to see the path You would have her to take.  Show them Your will for college and career – for marriage – for motherhood – for working… I trust You to help them discover Your best for them!

Amen!

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