When He Suddenly Walks Away

Posted on June 27, 2012 by


Ladies,

So many of us have experienced this, and we are usually completely baffled about what happened.  Things seemed to be going great!  He was calling and texting and wanted to see you and then, seemingly out of nowhere, he completely drops all communication.  WHAT ON EARTH JUST HAPPENED?

OUR USUAL REACTION MAKES THINGS WORSE

Most women panic and begin trying to re-establish communication immediately.  They’ll call or text frequently, ask lots of questions, beg to know what is wrong so they can try to fix it.  Women need words to fix relationship problems, but we don’t realize that words don’t do much for men.  And, sadly, our intuition tells us to TALK to him right away to try to explain and fix things – and that is the opposite of what a guy usually needs in a situation like this.  That is what a girl needs, but guys are VERY DIFFERENT FROM US!

Whether you’ve been seeing each other for a week or two, or you are engaged – when a guy suddenly seems to vanish, there is a REALLY good chance that he is feeling disrespected.  Of course, there are other possibilities, but this is one that is worth thinking about first.

WOMEN DON’T ALWAYS NOTICE DISRESPECT – BUT IT WILL REPEL GUYS.

If you notice you are talking with your man and he suddenly seems angry or shuts down – he most likely feels disrespected.

It could be something very seemingly innocent, from a woman’s perspective:

  • You used an “angry mother” tone of voice
  • You tried to have “the talk” with him about where the relationship was going (That can often lead to the immediate death of the relationship!!!!!!)  PLEASE don’t have the talk!  Just wait and be patient and let him lead as he is ready.  Trying to force his emotions will almost always push him away and leave you with nothing.
  • You told him what to do – implying that he was inept, incapable, and unable to figure things out for himself.
  • You tried to FORCE your own plans or your way on him.
  • You insulted him in front of other people.  (THIS REALLY, REALLY hurts men.  DO NOT EVER criticize a guy or “tease” him by bringing up his weaknesses in front of others!!)
  • You were critical about his dreams, his goals, his career, or something deep-seated in his manhood.
  • You weren’t very enthusiastic when he planned a very special surprise for you.
  • You took over and tried to lead in the relationship and control him.
  • You expected him to think, act and have needs like a woman.  He’s a guy.  They are VERY different from us!

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

If a guy just quit speaking with you and cut all communication – the best thing to do is going to be exactly the thing you don’t want to do – let him have some time.  Wait.  DO NOT CALL OR TEXT HIM!  If you initiate contact right now, it will feel even more intrusive, smothering and disrespectful to him.  Most likely, if you give him some time (days, weeks or even a few months – depending on the committment level of your relationship – probably more time for a less committed relationship), he will likely call you again when he starts to really get curious about you and miss you a lot.

If you are seriously concerned for his safety and it is extremely out of character for him to disappear and you were in a very committed relationship, you may want to call once just to be sure he is ok.  But if you see he is active on FB or know from friends he is alive and well, my personal suggestion is to wait and let him contact you.  He may need time to process something in his mind, and if you call a lot and pressure him, it may help him decide to stay away.

If you realize what you did specifically that was disrespectful, it may be a good idea to pray about if you should BRIEFLY apologize to him about your disrespect.  When I say briefly, I mean VERY BRIEFLY.  Guys are not affected by words like women are!  He does NOT want a big, emotional, detailed explanation.  That will push him further away.  Sometimes it’s best to wait till he contacts you.  Sometimes you may need to email an apology.  That will have to be a Holy Spirit led thing.  If you were in a committed relationship or engaged, then after a day or two – you may want to call to ask him, respectfully, if he’s ok and what has happened.

AN APOLOGY

You could say or email something like, “I just realized that I came across very disrespectfully to you last night.  I am SO sorry.  I was wrong to do that to you.”   If you don’t believe you have done anything disrespectful – then it may be something that is going on with him that doesn’t have anything to do with you.

And then, do not contact him again.  LET HIM CONTACT YOU!!!!!!!! If you try to make him come back to you, you’ll push him away!  But if you let him think about your apology, and how wonderful you are, and how empty his life is now without you – if you can be patient enough to give him the gift of missing you – he will probably eventually come back to you!

IN THE MEANTIME

Fill up your social calendar.  Spend time with friends.  Do fun things.  Pray and spend time with God.  Pray for the guy to find God’s will and to draw near to God.  Enjoy your life.  He might call, he might not.  This is a situation where you trust in God’s sovereignty to work out things for your best interests.  God knows what you need and what guy He has for you.  He may be sparing you from a lot of pain by removing this man from your life.  But even if this IS the guy for you, your patience and willingness to wait on him to contact you first will help him to know that you are a girl who gets men, who understands respect, who understands his needs and who might just be a keeper!  This is a time that you learn to wait on God and see how He works things out.  Waiting on God is a REALLY critical skill.  It’s VERY DIFFICULT TO DO at first, but it is worth it!

IF HE CONTACTS YOU AGAIN

Be friendly, pleasant and polite.  Do not demand a big explanation of where he went and why right now (especially if your relationship was just in the beginning stages).  Let him find out that you are fun to talk with, but, I would also say, be brief.  Don’t talk too long.

He will eventually bring up what the problem was.  Or it could just be that he was feeling disrespected.  If you learn some serious respect skills, then you can take care of that problem!  Some guys will not verbalize that they feel disrespected, they just disappear.

If you were in a very committed relationship, you’ll need some answers as to why he disappeared.  And if he was involved in some kind of sin – you will need to see sincere repentance and real heart change before committing to him again.  You may need some godly counsel from a mentor/Christian counselor/older Christian woman.  Let God’s Spirit  and His Word lead you more than any human!

PS

Check out the comments, they are pretty helpful on this post!

https://peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com/2014/01/08/contacting-men/

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Signs Your Man May Be Feeling Disrespected

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