The time to really examine the character of a man is BEFORE you give your heart to him and WAY, WAY before you give your body to him and have a bond to him forever (That is just one of many reasons why reserving sex for marriage is a REALLY WISE idea! Of course, just doing it to obey God has enough merit, but you will spare yourself from some serious spiritual, emotional and sexual injury, too!).
I talk a lot about respecting men. Respect is a man’s language. Respect motivates men. Our respect is a big part of what creates a desire in them to love us. I am the BIGGEST proponent ever of treating a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband or even just a man at work with respect.
BUT HERE IS AN IMPORTANT WARNING!
There are men who are controlling and possessive who will talk about disrespect a lot. Sometimes there are guys with very legitimate complaints about their woman and how disrespectful she is. I TOTALLY GET THAT. There are many men who are being treated shamefully by their women. I pray God might use me to help change that. Disrespect won’t work in a romantic relationship with a man.
But there are some very controlling, manipulative men who twist everything to be the woman’s fault, to be about her “disrespect” and who try to dictate a girl’s every move. The scary thing is that many of these kinds of men are EXTREMELY attractive, magnetic, appealing and masculine. They can seem like the “perfect guy” at first. They often move VERY quickly and push for exclusivity.
GOD’S DESIGN IS GOOD
God designed men to be servant-leaders in marriage. It’s important for a man to be able to lead his wife and children. He needs to be a man of integrity, honesty, ethics, trustworthiness, responsibility, patience, a slow temper, gentleness, self-control, wisdom, purity, generosity, faith in Christ, prayer, love and respect.
MEN OFTEN GO TO EXTREMES THAT ARE OUTSIDE OF GOD’S DESIGN
It’s EASY for men to either be passive, unplugged and uninvolved, leaving the woman to handle everything and leaving her unprotected and having to be dominant, or it’s easy for men to go the opposite way and become cruel, dictating tyrants who don’t love, but use their position of power for their own selfishness at the expense of their girlfriend/fiance/wife/children.
Honestly, just like we need God’s Spirit to empower us to be the women God commands us to be, men also need God’s Spirit to be in control of them or they are NOT going to make great husbands. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE choose a man who is a Spirit-filled, dedicated follower of Christ who loves God’s Word, who prays on his own and who desires to crucify himself and live for Christ.
SOME DANGER SIGNS OF A CONTROLLING, POSSESSIVE, DICTATOR:
- He makes extreme demands often, ie: “I want you to wear your hair DOWN when we are in public. I won’t go out with you with your hair up like that. I don’t care if you have to wash it again. You’ll wash it NOW.”
- He pulls you away from your family and friends and isolates you until you only have contact with him.
- He is unreasonably jealous when you speak to any other man.
- He dictates how you must wear your hair, what clothing you are allowed to wear, how to do your make-up in great detail on a daily basis.
- He is aggressive and violent.
- He loses his temper easily.
- He NEVER admits fault and blames you 100% for all problems in the relationships
- He plays mind games.
- He follows you to work or stalks you around town.
- He tells you things like, “You don’t remember what I said right” and conveniently changes what he actually did and said by convincing you that you are crazy or have a terrible memory.
- He is interested in his own gain and selfish desires and is willing to get what he wants at your expense.
- He doesn’t take care of you when you are sick.
- He comes across as very arrogant, cocky, prideful and egotistical.
- He worships HIMSELF as god.
- He cares more about your external appearance than your heart and soul.
- He avoids accountability and responsibility.
- He is power-hungry and will do almost anything to get more power.
- He is VERY EXCITING to be around and his personality is intoxicating and inexplicably attractive.
If you are seeing things like this in a guy – please dont’ think you can change him! He will get WORSE if you marry him.
Please consider praying carefully and finding godly, wise counsel before you agree to enter a relationship with a dominating man who will lord his power over you, who will potentially abuse you and who will DEMAND your respect. This is a DANGEROUS guy. You can’t save him. You can’t love him enough to “fix” him.
Only God can change a man. You are not God. Don’t try to save him. Save your heart for a godly man who will treat you with love and respect and cherish the gift you are.
RESPECT IS A GIFT
A woman’s respect is a gift she gives her man joyfully and of her own will. It CANNOT be forced or coerced!
SAB Inspirations & More
July 12, 2012
I think that if you are respectful in general, you can smell that ploy a mile away, even if you have done and said some things in the past (maybe out of anger) you know the difference. A manipulative man is definitely one that you want to steer clear of. Too much drama. :-)
Passion
January 1, 2013
Thank you. i have had to learn this the hard way but finally I understand the importance of being in a relationship with a God fearing man. Hard to communicate this to my friends however, Christian and non Christian. hoping that prayers will get through to them if words dont.
peacefulwife
January 1, 2013
Passion,
It is SO hard to watch other people go down the path you already know leads to destruction. But yes, we can pray that God will open their eyes. Sometimes people have to learn the hard way. I hate that! But you know, I have had some wives on my http://www.peacefulwife.com site that were hell-bent on destroying their marriages and even ended up divorced come back to God and are working on reconciling with their husbands now. I wish we could all learn from others’ mistakes! But if we don’t, thankfully, God can even use our sin and mistakes for His glory. His sovereignty is amazing. It’s great to meet you! Let me know if there is anything you’d like to talk about or that you’d like me to address. I will do my best to point you to CHrist and His Word!
sher stevens
March 4, 2013
I couldnt have said it better!!!!! HEED THE TRUTH!!!
Rommy
September 15, 2013
Very true. I’ve learnt this myself the hard way. I fell for him, but ended the relationship when, more and more, everything I did was wrong. We have a beautiful daughter together and she’s my little angel but on the flip side, I have to constantly deal with his abusive nature.
peacefulwife
September 16, 2013
Rommy,
I’m so sorry to hear what a painful experience you have been through. Is there anything you would want to add to this post? Praying for God’s wisdom for you!
Jasmine
September 30, 2013
Read this. It’s Kirk…….but learn from this as pertaining to how wagi was. I LOVE U………Mom
Cesena
January 5, 2014
I am going through this, and it is tuff. I met a man after talking to him on a dating site for a month. He reviled to me that he was married, but seperared. I did not walk away as I knew I should have. I had gotten attached. After about another month of us dating, I told him I felt that we need to slow down because I wanted to please God and that I do not believe in divorce. He said it was going to be too hard to slow down we already went to far. He stop calling and texting me cold turkey. He continues on the dating site. I feel broken and so desrespected. Part of me feels the need to reach out to him… Then part of me feels like God is using this to develope me into the woman that he has called me to be. Fighting the flesh is hard, but I am holding on to the word of God to get me through this. Thank you for sharing this article…
peacefulwife
January 5, 2014
Cessna,
I am so glad you are not in contact anymore. I pray you will repent and turn back to Christ – seeking Him with all your heart.
Please don’t contact him – that is a recipe for heartache.
Praying for God to empower you to live in obedience to Him for His glory!!!!
Cesena
January 5, 2014
Thank you for your prayers <3