The time to really examine the character of a man is BEFORE you give your heart to him and WAY, WAY before you give your body to him and have a bond to him forever (That is just one of many reasons why reserving sex for marriage is a REALLY WISE idea! Of course, just doing it to obey God has enough merit, but you will spare yourself from some serious spiritual, emotional and sexual injury, too!).
I talk a lot about respecting men. Respect is a man’s language. Respect motivates men. Our respect is a big part of what creates a desire in them to love us. I am the BIGGEST proponent ever of treating a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband or even just a man at work with respect.
BUT HERE IS AN IMPORTANT WARNING!
There are men who are controlling and possessive who will talk about disrespect a lot. Sometimes there are guys with very legitimate complaints about their woman and how disrespectful she is. I TOTALLY GET THAT. There are many men who are being treated shamefully by their women. I pray God might use me to help change that. Disrespect won’t work in a romantic relationship with a man.
But there are some very controlling, manipulative men who twist everything to be the woman’s fault, to be about her “disrespect” and who try to dictate a girl’s every move. The scary thing is that many of these kinds of men are EXTREMELY attractive, magnetic, appealing and masculine. They can seem like the “perfect guy” at first. They often move VERY quickly and push for exclusivity.
GOD’S DESIGN IS GOOD
God designed men to be servant-leaders in marriage. It’s important for a man to be able to lead his wife and children. He needs to be a man of integrity, honesty, ethics, trustworthiness, responsibility, patience, a slow temper, gentleness, self-control, wisdom, purity, generosity, faith in Christ, prayer, love and respect.
MEN OFTEN GO TO EXTREMES THAT ARE OUTSIDE OF GOD’S DESIGN
It’s EASY for men to either be passive, unplugged and uninvolved, leaving the woman to handle everything and leaving her unprotected and having to be dominant, or it’s easy for men to go the opposite way and become cruel, dictating tyrants who don’t love, but use their position of power for their own selfishness at the expense of their girlfriend/fiance/wife/children.
Honestly, just like we need God’s Spirit to empower us to be the women God commands us to be, men also need God’s Spirit to be in control of them or they are NOT going to make great husbands. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE choose a man who is a Spirit-filled, dedicated follower of Christ who loves God’s Word, who prays on his own and who desires to crucify himself and live for Christ.
SOME DANGER SIGNS OF A CONTROLLING, POSSESSIVE, DICTATOR:
- He makes extreme demands often, ie: “I want you to wear your hair DOWN when we are in public. I won’t go out with you with your hair up like that. I don’t care if you have to wash it again. You’ll wash it NOW.”
- He pulls you away from your family and friends and isolates you until you only have contact with him.
- He is unreasonably jealous when you speak to any other man.
- He dictates how you must wear your hair, what clothing you are allowed to wear, how to do your make-up in great detail on a daily basis.
- He is aggressive and violent.
- He loses his temper easily.
- He NEVER admits fault and blames you 100% for all problems in the relationships
- He plays mind games.
- He follows you to work or stalks you around town.
- He tells you things like, “You don’t remember what I said right” and conveniently changes what he actually did and said by convincing you that you are crazy or have a terrible memory.
- He is interested in his own gain and selfish desires and is willing to get what he wants at your expense.
- He doesn’t take care of you when you are sick.
- He comes across as very arrogant, cocky, prideful and egotistical.
- He worships HIMSELF as god.
- He cares more about your external appearance than your heart and soul.
- He avoids accountability and responsibility.
- He is power-hungry and will do almost anything to get more power.
- He is VERY EXCITING to be around and his personality is intoxicating and inexplicably attractive.
If you are seeing things like this in a guy – please dont’ think you can change him! He will get WORSE if you marry him.
Please consider praying carefully and finding godly, wise counsel before you agree to enter a relationship with a dominating man who will lord his power over you, who will potentially abuse you and who will DEMAND your respect. This is a DANGEROUS guy. You can’t save him. You can’t love him enough to “fix” him.
Only God can change a man. You are not God. Don’t try to save him. Save your heart for a godly man who will treat you with love and respect and cherish the gift you are.
RESPECT IS A GIFT
A woman’s respect is a gift she gives her man joyfully and of her own will. It CANNOT be forced or coerced!