An Update on the Fly Swatter Incident

Posted on July 26, 2012 by

After I sent Jane (not her real name) my take on her situation with her husband (if you missed it or need a refresher on what happened, please read the original post ) – she sent me an email. She came from a background of verbal, emotional and sexual abuse. She had a very dominant mother growing up. She didn’t see disrespect or understand what respect was about. She has an extremely godly, loving, patient husband.  And the light is beginning to dawn! THANK YOU, LORD! Please pray with me for this precious marriage to become all that Christ desires it to be by His power!


WOW this is huge!!! I never thought I was damaged in this way but it has all come to surface this last fight we had when I realized I was doing exactly what my therapist said I would do, and that was make my husband out to be some monster and find a reason to leave.

I see He is really a WONDERFUL man. He tries with all that he is to make me happy. I mean in EVERY WAY. And I have literally found things in him to say why we are not working out. I have never thought my marriage was in that bad of shape and everytime he tried to show me I would get mad and not listen to him.

I just had a nice long talk with him about 30 mins ago and you know what? I have felt very comfortable in how I was doing things but it has literally destroyed us and the kids. I do take full RESPONSIBILITY for that. This is going to take work and I now have to take my slippers off and put my work boots on and trudge through this mess.

I have heard alot of what you are saying but I never took it to heart I felt like everyone was trying to change me and I was ok being me. Well I admit right now I am not ok being me. I really do want to change. I must admit that throwing everything out about being a wife, mom, etc… is gonna be a struggle. Please keep me in prayer.

You know I just admitted to my husband that I do not know how to be vulnerable with him. I always feel like I have to have a defense plan because I am not going to get hurt again! He told me he is not going to hurt me that He loves me and my children.

I gotta tell you I love the terms you use like our marriage is on Life Support and I have been Severely Handicapped because it helps me to see how bad it is.

(I had given her a respect assignment for the day)

Ok, so I am going to tell him that

  • I am so blessed that God put a Wonderful Godly man in my life like him
  • Thank you for barbequing for us and making our night fun by playing games with us.
  • You have been a wonderful husband and father to me and the kids today Thank you

….How is that?

It sounds like a really great start to me!

If you have had a frustrating conversation or situation with your man that you would like me to deconstruct for you and give you my take on leave a comment.