Working on a Project with a Man

Posted on August 7, 2012 by

My husband building a 1000 sf 4 level deck at our old house in 2004

I used to LOVE helping my Daddy when he would work on projects around the house or on the cars.  I was a Daddy’s girl all the way!  Anytime my Daddy offered to let me go somewhere with him, I was there!  I didn’t care if it was Busy Beaver (a hardware store) or the bow hunting shop where I watched the owner use a bow press to string my Daddy’s bow, or a bow hunter’s safety class my Daddy was teaching – I wanted to be wherever he was.  He would hold out both hands and I would run and grab one, and my twin sister would run and grab the other and he would squeeze our hands tightly and laugh like he was the happiest man in the world.  I ALWAYS felt SO VERY LOVED by my Daddy!

So if he wanted me to go under the house while he worked on the sewer lines – I held the light and did anything he asked me to.  I would sit quietly and not talk so I didn’t disturb him.  I would watch him and he would teach me about things and show me how to do things.  When I was 8 years old, he had me outside changing a tire on the family car and learning how to change the oil.  He LOVED teaching me things and would applaud for me when I could handle something on my own.  He gave me wings!  He taught me to be responsible and to take care of myself.  And he taught me some serious skills about working on projects with a man.  Thank you, Daddy!


I have ALWAYS loved helping my husband with projects, too.  Even before I learned about respect,  I would be quiet so that my husband could think.  I just loved the camaraderie of being together and working on something together.  And I would do any tasks he wanted me to do, or just enjoy being there with him while he worked.

If the job is long, or outside in the heat – I try to take him a big glass of his favorite softdrink with plenty of ice about every hour or so.  I want him to know how much I appreciate his hard work!  And now I also give him a few HUGE smiles, listen if he wants to talk about the project, or I just set the glass down and let him work if he is busy at the moment.  If he does stop to take a break, I give him a kiss and compliment him on the wonderful job he is doing.


My husband purchased a new bed from Ikea for our son.  And a new mattress is coming in a few days.  The poor boy’s mattress must be about 40 years old!  It’s probably time for a decent mattress and a bed. 

Now that our children are a little older and can entertain themselves better, I actually had time to sit with my husband as he began putting the bed together today.  I LOVED being with him, watching him work and figure things out, and helping in any way he wanted me to.  And I made sure to SMILE at him whenever he looked my way.

At one point, he was trying to get two boards together at an angle, and they just weren’t going together.  I waited quietly and let him work on it for awhile.  Then I was looking at my side that was fitting together well, and his side and noticed the little plastic round thing that you snap in and it holds the dowel in place was turned a different way on his side. 

I softly and pleasantly said, “Does that little doo-hickey need to be turned the other way, maybe?”  And my husband turned it and the boards went right together.  And he thanked me.

I do use my brain.  I do have contributions to make.  My husband appreciates my  perspective and feelings now.  But I approach him in a respectful way instead of a bossy, critical, negative, prideful way.

And I know that sharing that time together – even if we are not talking much – is a way that he will bond more with me and our unity and intimacy will be even closer.