Who ARE You? And What Have You Done with My Wife?

Posted on September 1, 2012 by


I think it could be very helpful for the single girls to take a look at the transformation that can happen when women begin to obey God’s commands and design for marriage.  There can be a very similar transformation in a dating/courting/engagement relationship also.  I am praying for God to be GREATLY glorified in your life and in your romantic relationships!

We had our 2nd Peacefulwife class this past Sunday night at my home church.  It was AWESOME!

One of my absolute favorite parts of the evening was hearing the stories of some of the wives who attended the 1st class and began to implement what they had learned.  These wives toned down the negativity, criticisms, lectures, sarcasm and bossiness.  They also began to praise and thank their husbands for what they were doing that the wives liked and appreciated.  And they began relinquishing control to their husbands and cooperating with their decisions.

WIFE #1

My husband has been wanting to get a new lawn tractor for a few years and I have been saying we don’t need to spend all that money right now.  So a few days ago he was trying to get new blades for the old one – he and my son were in Lowe’s and he was apparently looking at new tractors.  My son told his Dad, “Man, mom is NOT going to be happy about this.” Meanwhile, I was shopping at the grocery store…scoping out sausage…my phone rang and it was my husband.  He starts telling me how he can’t find the blades but he found a great deal on a new mower and he’s talking real fast about all the features and the price (I figure he was trying to sell me before he got the normal huffing and puffing and the 10 minute “we don’t have the money” speech he normally gets!)

Instead this time I simply said “Honey, you know what we need – so do what you need to do.”  To which I got this loooong pause, I started to think we got disconnected. (From Peacefulwife – I LOVE THIS!) Then I hear him say, “I’m not sure you understand what I mean…” (pause)  “ Did you hear what I said…(pause)…I want to get a new mower?”  I simply said, “Yes, Honey, I understood you and yes I know what you mean…do what you need to do.  I love you. Bye”  I wish I could have seen his expression…I haven’t heard him so confused in all our 20 years together.  I almost started laughing in the middle of the meat section of the store.

Later – he showed her the new mower and she looked at everything with interest and thanked him for doing a good job.

She did NOT freak out.  She did NOT tell him what to do.  She did NOT try to control or set a certain budget or dictate when/where/how he was to buy the mower.  I am SOOOOOO proud of her!!!  This is amazing.  This is the beginning of a brand new chapter for this marriage, this husband, this wife and their son!  Our God is POWERFUL!

Wife #2

So after my first session of the Peaceful Wife, I felt such a heavy weight of conviction over my soul. How had I let this happen for 7 years? Does my husband even realize it? Is this why he’s fallen into depression? I went home with silence in my mind and in my heart. I just needed to think. When I got home, hubby was napping so I did the dishes in silence and thought some more. Could I actually go a whole day with criticizing, nagging and being negative to him? Could I find things he’d done around the house to help me instead of all the things he didn’t do to help me? I’d often prayed that God would remove my critical spirit and maybe this was finally my “rock bottom”.

After he awakened from his nap I still stayed pretty quiet. Later in the evening he asked, “so how was your bible study?” I didn’t know what to say other than, “I’m so sorry. I’ve been so incredibly disrespectful to you for like ever.” He responded, “No, you haven’t. What are you talking about?” To which I said, “I’ve done it for so long and your family treated you so bad growing up that I don’t even think you realize it?” I began giving him examples of how I knew I had disrespected him in private and in public. Then he understood. He let me know that I had hurt him. I kept my words short and small.

The next day I immediately began to see changes. I made sure that I said two positive things even though the first couple days I had to really look to find them. I made sure that I didn’t say anything negative. I really thought about each word that came out of my mouth. Hubby began helping with things around the house without me saying a word. He began working out…something I’ve harped on for years. He made me breakfast several days in a row. I was so shocked at how he became more loving. Thankfully I was blessed with a very, very loving husband anyway but my love language is acts of service and this was exactly how he was responding to the respect I was showing him. It’s like all the sudden, that one little piece that was missing was pushed into place. Not only has it affected our communication in positive ways but a shift has begun in our intimacy as well. This is an area I have struggled in for years due to past abuse, but now I’m finding that the walls are slowly beginning to come down. I’ve also found that my level of selfishness or always getting my way has begun to change. I find that I am now asking what he wants to do and even if it’s something I don’t want to do, like sex for example, I am putting my “I don’t want to” attitude to the side. I’ve begun to find joy in meeting his needs. All these years he has waited on me hand and foot. He hardly ever grumbles, but if he asks me to do something for him…well you know the answer.

Thank you for bringing this amazing biblical teaching, for being transparent in sharing your own story and for testifying about the miracles God has done in your marriage.

God’s ways work.  Sometimes it may take a LONG, LONG time to see “results.”  But really, our motivation must be to obey God just to honor God and be close to Him.  But when we have godly motives and want to obey Him –  He often does miracles that are beyond our imagination.

What can make the results take longer?

  • my disobedience to God
  • my pride
  • my idolatry
  • my cherishing sin in my heart
  • my man’s distance from God
  • if I have been disrespecting and controlling my man for a long time.  The more deeply wounded he is, the longer it will take for him to trust and feel safe enough to open up and really love me again.
  • my not spending much time studying respect and submission and not wholeheartedly practicing everything I am learning

I want to encourage you to marry a man you can respect and trust to lead you!  May God richly bless your faith in Him!

Let me know if you have any issues, questions or difficult situations you’d like me to address!

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