Is He into You?

Posted on September 6, 2012 by

Guys can seem like such a GIANT mystery!  Sometimes we let it be so confusing and it can be really difficult to tell if a particular guy really wants to be with us or not.

Let me see if I can clear the confusion a bit.


If you are in the beginning of a relationship, or even already in a committed relationship – concentrate most on what the guy is DOING, not on what he is or is not saying.

If he does NOT want to be with you, he will:

  • find reasons not to be available
  • have a lot of excuses about why he had to bail out on your plans together
  • emotionally distance himself
  • not call you
  • not text you much
  • not talk about the future with you
  • not look at you much
  • not smile much or laugh when he talks with you
  • not invite you on more dates

If YOU are the one who is calling first, asking him to go out, pursuing him, trying to find him, waiting on him constantly and he seems rather unavailable – this probably means that he is not very interested in pursuing a more meaningful relationship.

If he is saying he loves you, but doing the above things – believe his actions, ladies!

If he is acting like he is NOT into you, YOU DO NOT NEED TO HAVE “THE TALK” about where the relationship is going.  You can look at his behavior and see where it is going – regardless of his words.  Believe his actions.  Having THE TALK will only seal the lid on the casket of the relationship.  More words and more seriousness will kill any chance you have of this guy wanting to pursue you.

If you would like him to pursue you – you will have to do the exact opposite of what your heart tells you to do:

  • don’t call him/text him/visit him spontaneously/hunt him down
  • fill up your social calendar with other fun things
  • don’t always answer his text messages (or wait a few hours before answering)
  • don’t pick up the phone the second he calls.  If you are busy, wait and call him back later when you have time.  If it looks like you are desperately waiting by the phone every second for his call  – it will make you seem less valuable in his eyes.
  • Go do things with other great friends
  • wait for him to OFFICIALLY ask you out.  As in, a phone call or a visit – not a text.  Mimi Tanner has some great material on this stuff. (She does not claim to be a Christian.  She does understand men and respect and the value of being “Hard to Get.”  Weigh her advice, and mine and anyone else’s carefully against God’s Word!) Don’t let him say, “Are you free Friday night?”  and tell him you have no plans and then let him leave you hanging without asking you out.  If he asks such a thing, treat it as a real request for a date and say, “What time?” (with a smile on your face) and then “And what are we doing?” (as you continue to smile).  And then decide if you are available.  Best not to be available last minute when he has been showing waning interest in you, too.
  • pray and trust God to work things out for your best and for His glory.  Don’t try to force the relationship.  It’s good to have to wait on God and trust Him instead of trying to MAKE things happen quickly and exactly the way we want them to.
  • When he does call – be friendly, smile and be brief.
  • If you see him – only see him for 20-30 minutes, then you leave first.
  • If you see him – wear something feminine and beautiful (but modest!)  and fix your hair the way you know he likes it best.
  • DO NOT ask him where this relationship is going!
  • DO NOT pressure him to commit to you or to buy you a ring.  You want a man to marry you because he can’t help himself, not because you pressured him!!   NOTHING GOOD comes from pressuring a guy to propose before he is ready!  And you may well scare him away from wanting to propose if you try to make him do it.
  • Don’t commit to being a steady couple right away.  Let him see you maybe only once a week or so until he shows you that he is pursuing you.  If you give him too much of yourself too quickly, there is no pursuit.  It just doesn’t work well like that!  Being harder to get makes you more valuable in his eyes.  Being easy to get = cheap.  That is NOT what we want!

If he IS into you, he will probably do things like:

  • call you to ask you when he can see you again, and he’ll want it to be fairly frequently
  • smile a lot when he sees you
  • try to convince you to ditch your other plans to be with him
  • make sacrifices to see you, even when it’s inconvenient or difficult
  • tell you he loves you (when he is ready – PLEASE do not tell him you love him first!!!  And don’t rush him!  Patience, dear girls!)
  • talk about the future together
  • share his heart and dreams with you
  • act proud to have you on his arm
  • want to introduce you to his friends, and eventually his family

IF he is acting in these ways – YOU DO NOT NEED TO HAVE “THE TALK” about where the relationship is going.  He is showing you with his actions that he is into you.  Be patient and wait – unless you are both out of college and this continues more than a year without him talking about engagement – be patient, please!  (These are my opinions –  you will have to make your choices for yourself, of course!)

You are welcome to leave comments and ask questions!