Respect Attracts Men

Posted on February 1, 2013 by


Here’s the boiled down version:

  • A woman’s respect, admiration, faith and trust are EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE qualities to a man.
  • A woman’s ability to let a man lead and her willing, joyful cooperation with his leadership draw him to her.
  • A woman’s disrespect REPELS men.  Period.  She can be the most beautiful model ever, but her disrespect will eventually override her looks and cause her to become repulsive to men.
  • A woman’s desire to control men REPELS men.  It is UNATTRACTIVE to them and will make them run for the hills!

God designed men to lead and to become their best selves when they carry the weight of responsibility for the relationship/marriage.  Please only date men who are completely devoted to Christ and who seek Him above everything else in life.  Please only commit to marry a man you can genuinely respect.  If you cannot respect him before marriage, if you want to change him – you will not respect him after marriage.  Marriage brings out our sin so we have to deal with it.  You cannot change your man.  Be sure you can accept him even if he never changes!

**  If a man is cheating on you, physically abusing you, pressuring you to have sex or go farther than you want to physically, has an active addiction to drugs/alcohol or has an uncontrolled mental condition  -please get godly, experienced help ASAP!

Check out this man’s description of how respect/disrespect affects him!   Thank you to this man for being willing to answer my questions.  I know this will help a lot of women as they seek to become the women of God’s dreams! (Gentlemen – you are welcome to add your own tasteful comments, or you may email answers to these questions to me for me to use anonymously in a post and possibly in a book.  Thanks!)

1. What kinds of attitudes/behaviors speak respect to you from a woman in general or in a relationship with you?

That my opinion matters.

2. What kinds of attitudes/behaviors speak disrespect to you from women in general or in a relationship with you?

I was belittled in my former marriage to the point that I simply shut down. This led to a long bout of clinical depression, doctors and medication. What hurt most was that I was belittled and ridiculed in front of our young daughter, which I’m sure had a heavy impact on her. I still fear that she’s learned that it’s okay for women to belittle men and treat men poorly.

Rejection is another big one for me, which is my former marriage relationship included physical rejection. After a while I simply stopped making advances at my own wife. I know married men who succumbed to adultery as a result of their wives rejecting their sexual advances.

3. What are some ways you have seen women try to control men in relationships that are a turn off?

Someone who is too aggressive or demanding in a relationship is a HUGE turnoff!

I had a woman in church come onto me, which I found very controlling and unnerving. At the time I was NOT interested in dating anyone in general, and in particular I did not find this woman physically attractive. She nevertheless kept it up. While we have become friends in terms of being able to talk and have good conversations (I had to confront her about this behavior at one point), I still think she’s too forward and aggressive, which causes me to back away.

4. What could a girlfriend do that would increase your desire to lead in a godly way?

One way might be to defer to my opinion and ask me questions. Once I discover that she is honestly seeking my opinion and willing to listen and consider what I have to say, I might be more eager to take a leadership role. Please keep in mind that I’m still working through some issues relating to my former marriage and, while I can answer questions like this, I’ve avoided relationships since my divorce out of a fear of rejection.

6. What unbiblical expectations have you seen Christian women have about “godly leadership” for men?

I think there’s an attitude that Christian men should be perfect, and when we’re not, some women might see that as we’re simply not spiritual or good leaders. Speaking for myself, if I feel that I’m trusted by her it’ll give me an even greater desire to do what’s best for both of us.

7. How much does a woman’s faith, trust and ability to remain peaceful and calm in most situations impact your view of her character?

I guess this depends on the situation. But in general, her faith in God will become apparent through how she talks to me and to others.

9. What can women do to empower the godly leadership of men?

TRUST! If I’m expected to lead, then she in turn needs to trust that leadership and not second guess it at every turn.

10.  How attractive is a controlling/disrespectful woman to you?

I find it very unattractive. I don’t want to be around them or even talk with them.

11. What are the qualities of godly femininity that attract you most?

This is one of those I’ll-know-it-when-I-see-it questions! In general her demeanor and the way she dresses is important. Dress like a lady and I’ll treat you like one. Dress like a harlot and you’ll attract the kind of guy looking for a one-night stand. It’s no secret that guys are attracted to beauty, but as I seek to follow Christ I find women who dress too revealing or flirt too much to be a bit unattractive.

12. What are the qualities you most desire in a godly wife?

I want her to have her own relationships with other women. I realize that, even as her husband, she needs to relationship that only another Christian woman can provide. I want her to desire her own relationship with God. While I am willing to be a leader and teacher, I know that there are things she needs to discuss with other women that I am not equipped to handle.

I want her to be attracted to me. Respect takes on so many different facets of a relationship, particularly in a marriage.

14. When a woman is respectful and admiring, does that make you want to take advantage of her or protect her and cherish her?

I’ve often said that men will walk barefoot across a bed of molten, broken glass for a woman who respects and admires him. If she treats me this way I will do everything in my power to protect and cherish her.