Why Valentine’s Day Can be Scary to Our Men!

Posted on February 9, 2013 by


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We are going to be talking about women’s Valentine’s Day expectations for a few days.   This doesn’t apply to all of us.  But it applies to MANY of us!  Let’s carefully evaluate our motives here and see what God might want us to change in our expectations and our approach to our men. Here is a viewpoint from a Christian single man – thanks for your perspective!:
I agree that women often do have ridiculously sky-high expectations for Valentine’s Day.  Women seem to want men to dazzle them repeatedly with the same set of pre-approved and predictably larger-than-life Hollywood experiences, but then they somehow also want to remain unaware and become magically surprised each time by the results.  They demand, “Do XYZ for me, but don’t be predictable, “boring”, or unoriginal while you do it.”  From their perspective it makes sense because it fees good, but it still defies logic!  There are only so many ways to repackage perfection!
This makes me wonder, “How loving could it possibly be to demand actions from others on your behalf, then stand in harsh judgement of them and critique them as they attempt to do as you wish.  This doesn’t sound very loving at all!  Love isn’t supposed to be demanding!  It isn’t self-seeking!”
While, women might occasionally be entertained at all these attempts to please them, many men just feel like toy monkeys commanded to dance on cue. Unless a man is willing and actually DESIRES to jump through all these arbitrary hoops because he REALLY, REALLY, REALLY loves a woman, he just feels obligated to play the part, do the dance, make her feel like she is happy, and make it through the day unscathed. Unless he REALLY does love her, he is just trying to avoid her guaranteed criticism!  At that point, he isn’t even jumping through hoops or dancing on cue for her benefit, but for his own continued peace of mind.
What is most troubling is that men know these demands and sky-high expectations women have exist 365 days a year, but Valentine’s Day is just one of the days society allows women overtly to expect to receive Hollywood-style, glamorized, idealized, and idolized attention and affection, whether men desire to give it on command or not.
Worse, it is sometimes only one-sided affection.  For some reason, some women feel entitled to receive affection with no thought to ever give any in return.  Some women don’t seem to care whether or not their men feel loved or are happy in the relationship at all.  They only seem concerned with their own happiness.
Are women celebrating their relationships or just themselves?
Most men want to make their women happy, but hate all the obligations and judgements we have to deal with on Valentine’s Day.  If women want authentic affection, they should accept it however it is offered, not reject it because it doesn’t seem as impressive as what they saw in a movie once or what one of their friends may have experienced in the past.
Do women want the brief emotional high of fictional love or the strength and depth of real love?!
What they want might seem exciting on Valentines Day, but what they need could already be happening most other days of the year without them ever noticing.  Celebrate those days too!
Sometimes real love is messy and unexciting, and God is pleased!
Sometimes serving chicken soup to a sick boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, or holding their hand and telling them you love them as you drive them to the hospital might be the most “romantic” thing you could do for them.
Women should make Valentine’s Day a romantic experience for men as well, by sharing friendly, shoulder-to-shoulder activities that their men enjoy.  Celebrate the relationship together in ways you both will appreciate, not just in ways you’re used to seeing it acted out on-screen or portrayed throughout society, because when those moments fade, you’ll always want something deeper and more significant.
Focus less on taking or expecting to receive!
Focus more on appreciating and giving selflessly!
You are both in love together!
Celebrate your relationship together!
Valentine’s Day is for both of you!
So is every other day of the year!
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