Letting a Guy Down Gently

Posted on February 12, 2013 by


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Some situations call for a woman to be very firm, resolute and stern in our rejection of certain men – and hints will not get the job done:

  • when a guy is SCARY
  • when he acts like a stalker
  • when he acts in an incredibly inappropriate/overtly sexual manner and won’t take a polite, “no thanks.”
  • when he is threatening you
  • when he is a sex offender
  • when he is MARRIED or TAKEN already
  • when he is not a believer in Christ
  • when he has MAJOR sin addictions/idols in his life
  • etc

These are times when management at work, our parents, our boyfriends, our friends, our pastor or even the police may need to be involved for our own safety.  Being a woman can be dangerous and scary sometimes!

WHEN A GENUINELY GOOD GUY ASKS YOU OUT:

Then there are times when a really decent guy, maybe from church or work, works up the guts to ask you out, and you aren’t interested in dating him.  What do you do?

Particularly if the guy is very shy, introverted or nervous – maybe we could go a little easier on them.

One guy asked if we could say something like:

  • I really admire your courage for asking.  Thank you so much!  I’m not interested but I am very proud of you for asking me out.”
  • “That took a lot of bravery to ask me.  I’m impressed!  And I appreciate your offer.  I’m not interested but I thank you very much for asking.”

I think these might be pretty fitting things to say in certain situations.  And remember to think about that this courage he showed and the leadership he just showed are really great qualities in a man.

How do YOU handle a situation where a decent guy asks you out, but you just aren’t interested?  How can we be respectful and keep our rejection from crushing the man?  Rejection is TOUGH for men to take.  So let’s be sensitive to these guys in our response.

LET’S STOP AND REALLY LOOK AT OUR PRIORITIES

Truly, before you decide that this guy is not a possibility – reconsider.   Maybe he deserves a little bit of a chance to get to know his character and his heart?   If you don’t want to go out alone with him, maybe you could go as a group and observe what he is like and get a chance to know him a bit better.  Maybe he is just shy.  Maybe he is just nervous asking a gorgeous girl like yourself out.  It’s entirely possible that your beauty and godly spirit are a bit overwhelming and he needs a little time to warm up.  He may not look or sound like “your type,” or he may not earn a 6 figure income – but he may be some of the most amazing husband material on the planet!  Don’t miss out on a godly man because of some preconceived notions about what you think you have to have in an external package.  The externals fade!

Some guys deserve a second look – a deeper look.  Actually, some of the guys who aren’t the “best looking” and most fashionable or wealthiest, can be some of the most amazing, self-sacrificing, loving men.  Please don’t make your choice be all about his appearance, or his style of clothing.  Spend a bit of time looking at his soul.  THAT is what is going to matter most when you are married one day!  You are going to want a man who treats you like Jesus would.  And no matter how handsome or rich a guy is – if he is a jerk, a cheat, a liar, or an addict – you are going to be one miserable wife.  Look for the godly men who love Christ and who have the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.  They won’t be perfect.  But your life will be infinitely better when you are with a man like this.

Let’s just think about this issue a bit and toss around some ideas together.

You are welcome to join the discussion and talk about what you have done, what you wish you had done, what worked, what you regret…

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