Is He into You?

Posted on March 25, 2013 by

Guys can seem like such a GIANT mystery!  Sometimes we let it be so confusing and it can be really difficult to tell if a particular guy really wants to be with us or not.

Let me see if I can clear the confusion a bit.


If you are in the beginning of a relationship, or even already in a committed relationship – concentrate most on what the guy is DOING, not on what he is or is not saying.

If he does NOT want to be with you, he will:

  • find reasons not to be available
  • have a lot of excuses about why he had to bail out on your plans together
  • emotionally distance himself
  • not call you
  • not text you much
  • not talk about the future with you
  • not look at you much
  • not smile much or laugh when he talks with you
  • not invite you on more dates

If YOU are the one who is calling first, asking him to go out, pursuing him, trying to find him, waiting on him constantly and he seems rather unavailable – this probably means that he is not very interested in pursuing a more meaningful relationship.

If he is saying he loves you, but doing the above things – believe his actions, ladies!

If he is acting like he is NOT into you, YOU DO NOT NEED TO HAVE “THE TALK” about where the relationship is going.  You can look at his behavior and see where it is going – regardless of his words.  Believe his actions.  Having THE TALK will only seal the lid on the casket of the relationship.  More words and more seriousness will kill any chance you have of this guy wanting to pursue you.

If you would like him to pursue you – you will probably have to do the exact opposite of what your heart tells you to do:

  • don’t call him/text him/visit him spontaneously/hunt him down
  • fill up your social calendar with other fun things
  • don’t always answer his text messages immediately
  • don’t pick up the phone the second he calls.  If you are busy, wait and call him back later when you have time.  If it looks like you are desperately waiting by the phone every second for his call  – it will make you seem less valuable in his eyes.  If your life is totally wrapped up in waiting on this one guy – that can be a sign it’s time to check your motives and make sure Christ is still WAY more important than anything else to  you.
  • Go do things with other great friends
  • wait for him to ask you out. 
  • pray and trust God to work things out for your best and for His glory.  Don’t try to force the relationship.  It’s good to have to wait on God and trust Him instead of trying to MAKE things happen quickly and exactly the way we want them to.
  • When he does call – be friendly, smile and be brief – 10-15 minutes not 2 hours (especially if he has been acting distant).
  • If you see him – wear something feminine and beautiful (but modest!)  and fix your hair the way you know he likes it best.
  • DO NOT ask him where this relationship is going!
  • LISTEN to him if he says that he wants to slow down or he’s not ready for a committed relationship and back away emotionally a few steps.
  • DO NOT pressure him to commit to you or to buy you a ring.  You want a man to marry you because he can’t help himself, not because you pressured him!!   NOTHING GOOD comes from pressuring a guy to propose before he is ready!  And you may well scare him away from wanting to propose if you try to make him do it.
  • Don’t commit to being a steady couple right away.  Let him see you maybe only once a week or so until he shows you that he is pursuing you.  If you give him too much of yourself too quickly, there is no pursuit.  It just doesn’t work well like that!

If he IS into you, he will probably do things like:

  • call you to ask you when he can see you again, and he’ll want it to be fairly frequently
  • smile a lot when he sees you
  • try to convince you to ditch your other plans to be with him
  • make sacrifices to see you, even when it’s inconvenient or difficult
  • tell you he loves you (when he is ready – PLEASE do not tell him you love him first!!!  And don’t rush him!  Patience, dear girls!)
  • talk about the future together (again, when he is ready – which may be awhile after you feel ready)
  • share his heart and dreams with you
  • act proud to have you on his arm
  • want to introduce you to his friends, and eventually his family (in his time)

IF he is acting in these ways – YOU DO NOT NEED TO HAVE “THE TALK” about where the relationship is going.  He is showing you with his actions that he is into you.  Be patient and wait… and most of all, listen to God’s voice and direction.  Keep Jesus the BIGGEST thing in your life by a mile.  Set your heart on the things of heaven, not the things of earth.  Seek wise, godly counsel if you are confused.  Watch for the fruit of the Spirit in your man’s life (Galatians 5:22) and be sure that Jesus is first in his life and yours before committing to him.

You are welcome to leave comments and ask questions!