Principles for Creating Attraction for Women

Posted on May 29, 2013 by

636896_37790447Creating attraction in a godly man towards you is actually fairly simple once you learn to understand godly masculinity, how men think, how God designed men, godly femininity, how women think and how God designed women.  See… EASY as pie!  🙂

You cannot force a man to be attracted to you.  You can be a godly woman, full of joy and peace and God’s Spirit.  THAT is attractive to godly men.  Then we will trust God with the results. 🙂

  • Understand that men are very visual.  They have a hardwired need to have an attraction to you physically.  Many men are attracted to long hair.   Put in some effort into staying in shape (ie: 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week is a healthy amount), eat well, treat your body with respect, get your sleep, wear a bit of makeup (but probably don’t go too crazy with it).  Don’t go overboard into obsession with your appearance or make thinness or beauty into an idol.  Make sure that Christ is your focus – and be a good steward of your body -which is His temple.  Show that you respect and treasure your femininity and your body and that you take good care of yourself in a healthy way.
  • Understand that his core masculine emotional need as a man is RESPECT – not love.  They do need love – affectionate love – but if they feel disrespected, they will not feel “loved.”
  • Appreciate that men can and do feel physical attraction based on looks – but the attraction that will keep a godly man with you is the beauty of your feminine, gentle, peaceful spirit that does what is right and does not give way to hysterical fear.
  • Dress femininely and modestly.  Beautiful but modest dresses, outfits and skirts signal to a godly man that you respect God, yourself, your body, men and your sexuality.
  • Use that beautiful smile and dazzling eyes of yours to make the man feel welcome around you.
  • Be sure to introduce yourself, talk to him, ask him questions about himself – not like an interrogation, or not questions that are self-serving (are you planning to get married in the next 2 years?  How much money do you make?).  Ask real questions that show your concern about who he is.  
  • Look past his clothing, hair style, car and the externals, and get to know his heart for God and his love for people.
  • Be a SAFE place for him to share his heart.  DO NOT share with other people the precious pieces of his heart that he shares with you in confidence.
  • Realize that you are in a particularly powerful position as a godly woman to give respect to a man you are interested in that will meet his deepest needs as a man.  When a godly man detects the admiration and respect of a godly woman – something inside of him comes to life.  He feels more masculine, more powerful (in a good way), more capable, stronger, better able to face the world, ready to conquer dragons.  God is able to use your feminine admiration, respect, encouragement, praise for what is good in him and adoration to help a man soar to greater heights than he ever could before – when a man is receptive to you.
  • Study to understand and quickly recognize what disrespect looks like to men in general and to the man you are interested in, in particular – and avoid those behaviors and attitudes like the plague around men!  Especially avoid criticizing, lecturing, scolding, demanding, yelling, complaining, arguing and negativity.
  • Be a PLEASURE to be around.  Be full of the joy of Christ and God’s Spirit.  Have your heart completely set on Him and the things of heaven!
  • Seek Christ and His kingdom first! Watch your motives.  Ask God to help you check your motives often!
  • Do not make a man into an idol that comes before your devotion to Christ.  That is a recipe for a disaster!
  • Study to understand what respect looks like to men in general, and then to the man you are interested in, in particular.
  • Study to understand what godly femininity is all about.  Be willing to trash any worldly wisdom you have absorbed and build on the word of God and Christ alone.
  • Study to understand how to honor God-given authority in your life – whether it is a teacher, a boss, a parent (if you still live at home as a minor), a police officer, a pastor, a Bible teacher, or a potential husband.
  • Commit yourself to submit your life totally to Christ.  Study about biblical submission  – where it starts – and what it means in a marriage relationship.  Be prepared to be a cheerful follower.
  • Learn to share your heart, your feelings, your desires and your perspective in a non-threatening, respectful, pleasant, calm, BRIEF way.  Be willing to cooperate with God-given authority over you respectfully – even when you disagree unless that authority is asking you to sin or condone sin.  Trust that God, in His great sovereignty, will lead you and speak to you through that God-given authority so that your best interests and God’s greatest glory will be the end result.  This is how you can have peace even when you don’t agree with an authority.  You trust God to use that decision to take you to the place He wants you to go.  A boyfriend doesn’t have authority over you.  A fiance doesn’t, either.  But – working towards having a cooperative, joyfully biblically submissive spirit and attitude before marriage is important so that you will be prepared to follow and honor your man’s leadership after marriage.
  • Embrace humility.   Consider that the man you are interested in has great wisdom to offer – particularly if he belongs to Christ.
  • Seek to build up this man with life-giving, edifying words of sincere praise, admiration, encouragement and respect.
  • Listen to his advice carefully and prayerfully.
  • Speak highly about him in front of him and to others when he is not there.
  • Be willing to do things with him that interest him, even if it doesn’t really interest you.  Realize that men bond in “shoulder-to-shoulder” activity that often does NOT include a lot of talking.  Be willing to sit in the woods with him while he hunts quietly for a few hours.  Be willing to sit in the garage beside him quietly while he works on his car – smile at him whenever he looks your way.  This is bonding for guys!
  • Flirt with him!
  • Affirm him.  Thank him for his leadership and wisdom.
  • Let him take the lead into any level of significant commitment.  I believe it is wise, in most cases, for the woman to let the man ask her out, for her to wait on him to decide the relationship is now “exclusive,” for her to let him decide when to say, “I love you” first, for her to let him kiss her first (if she is ready – she may stop him if she is not), for her to not badger him about proposing but wait patiently for him (in most cases) to decide when he is ready to propose, and for her to make sure he is involved and she considers his feelings first when they are planning the wedding – that she doesn’t make it “all about her”.
  • Don’t push, rush, prod, pressure or try to control him.  Let him make his own decisions.
  • Laugh at his jokes and enjoy his sense of humor.
  • LISTEN to him.  Take his thoughts, ideas, emotions, stories and all that he shares with you seriously – appreciate the gift that he is.
  • HAVE FUN with him!
  • Don’t zoom ahead in your mind to when you are committed or when you are engaged or if you will be married.  Stay in today.  Enjoy the moment.  Savor the gift of his presence and the time you share with him without worrying about the future.  Let God lead you in His plan.  He is already in the future.  He knows His best for you.  Rest in His sovereignty and just relax and enjoy this man when you are able to be with him.
  • Catch his eye and then hold his gaze for a second then look down and smile to yourself.
  • Ask him about what God is teaching him and what he is learning in God’s Word.  Be INTERESTED in what he has to say.  Pay rapt attention.  Make lots of eye contact.  Smile a lot.  Be enthusiastic about hearing his thoughts.
  • have a grateful, joyful heart.
  • Avoid complaining and arguing.


Keep in mind that some men won’t feel physical attraction towards you.  If that is the case.  That’s ok.  If a guy says he is not interested – graciously allow him to go and don’t chase him.  You can’t force attraction or control a man’s attraction.  You can influence it.  But you cannot make him be attracted to you.

I am not claiming to be an expert on attraction – other edifying comments and discussion are welcome!