Humor and Attraction

Posted on June 2, 2013 by


This is a continuation of a series on attraction.  (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

This post is just my personal opinion on this topic.  You are welcome to add your insights.  I do not claim at all to be an expert on attraction. I hope  to continue a discussion about this topic that can be so elusive and frustrating for many people.


  • self-deprecating humor is not generally attractive, neither is just general self-loathing or self- hatred.

If you want to be in a relationship with someone – you will need to be able to love yourself first.

I think it is significant, when Jesus is talking about the Greatest Commandment – loving God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, he says, “and the second is like it.  Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Mark 12:30-31

  • sarcasm
  • humor based on complaining
  • humor based on insulting others
  • bathroom humor
  • slapstick comedy – there may be some who appreciate this – but it could also be perceived as immature or juvenile
  • morbid humor
  • dry humor – CAN be successful sometimes, but when someone is first getting to know you, they may not realize you are joking

Ephesians 4:25-31 commands us to use wholesome speech.  That is going to mean that as representatives of Christ, we don’t tell dirty jokes, make lewd comments, complain, hurt other people with our words, have a critical spirit, vent bitterness, talk about things that are vulgar or crass, or just make clowns of ourselves.

25 So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not make room for the devil. 28 Thieves must give up stealing; rather let them labor and work honestly with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy. 29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up,[b] as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. 31 Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, 32 and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.[c

We behave with dignity, seeking to glorify and honor God with every thought, every word and every deed.  We treat others with “absolute purity.” (I Timothy 5:2)

Let’s always keep in mind I Corinthians 13:4-8 – this is how we as believers are to love one another.

And Galatians 5:22-23 is how we are to live by the power of God’s Spirit towards EVERYONE.


Some of these things are just the kind of friendly banter you would give to any person, not specifically someone you are flirting with.  If you have ever worked retail and you try to give good customer service, some of those same kinds of friendly approaches will work well with talking with the opposite sex and striking up conversations.

I am going to give you some examples of some lines you may want to try out.  Of course, timing and delivery is everything!  And not every one of these lines would work in every situation – so choose wisely! (Many of these would work for men or women).  I personally vote for smiling while you are saying these things – and, you are going to have to imagine the friendly, flirty tone of voice.

– When he walks in, smile and tell him, “Well, you just made my day!  It’s great to see you!”

– When the guy has to do something he really obviously does NOT want to do, say, “Oh, you know you want to…”  or “You know you love it!” (borrowed that one from M. Tanner)

– If the guy you are interested in says he is making supper or going out to eat, say, “Ooh!  Sounds great.  What are we having?” (in a playful way – not a serious way)

– If you happen to run in to him somewhere unexpectedly, “You just can’t get enough of me, can you?”

– “I know I’m your favorite girl.  You can’t hide it.”  (in a very matter of fact, casual way)

– “Well, look who it is!”

– When you have to leave, “I know you’ll miss me a lot.  It’s going to be tough.”

**  If he seems uncomfortable if you approach him like this, he is not smiling and laughing back, or he seems too busy to talk any time you see him – then maybe back of and just a friendly, “Hey!  How are you?”   “What’s going on with you?” would be better.


Using humor as an ice breaker can be a great idea.   Just a few funny lines is probably good.  You don’t have to be a stand-up comic the whole time!

– witty puns

– observations about life

– gentle teasing

– give a playful nickname (if it doesn’t offend him!)


– share stories

– ask about him and his life experiences

– talk about things he is interested in

– talk about God, the Bible, what you are learning, what he is learning


– have open posture, face your body towards the guy you are interested in.


– let your eyes light up.

– catch his eyes and hold the look for a second or two, then look down and keep smiling to yourself

– twirl your hair (if you want to)

– tilt your head to one side when he is speaking

– pay close attention to what he says

– laugh at his jokes


What are some friendly, flirty (but not sexual) things you say to break the ice or to start up a conversation with a guy you are interested in?

What are some things people have said to you or that you have said  that DIDN’T work?

What are some things men have said to you that did create a spark of attraction?