Spiritual Attraction in Women

Posted on August 15, 2013 by

guy at the beach


Here are some things I have learned through my own experiences and those of the many other women I have corresponded with concerning spiritual attraction from a woman’s perspective.  You are more than welcome to share your thoughts on this topic! 🙂  I am not infallible.  Nor am I an expert.   This is what I have seen and learned in my life and seen in other women’s lives.  But there may be other women who have a very different experience.

In this post, I am talking about a godly woman (single or married) who is pursuing Christ with all her heart and is living in the power of God’s Spirit and the attraction she feels to genuinely godly men.

Just like a man can be visually attracted unavoidably to a woman if she bares her physical body to him – a woman can be spiritually and emotionally attracted unavoidably to a man if he bares his  soul to her.

To quote my friend, Kayla, about her husband praying with her:

It’s intimate.

– For a woman, the reason communication is SO important is because words require us to bare our hearts and souls.  We are pretty good at this by  nature.  Men are not.  (From Peacefulwife – this is a generalization – there are exceptions!)  So when our husbands step into this form of vulnerability, it becomes immediately intimate and bonding like nothing else!

It’s sexy.

– Yes I used the word sexy.  Let me explain.  We are physical, emotional and spiritual beings.  Men have a MUCH higher drive for physical needs than women (From Peacefulwife – this is a generalization – there are some women who have a higher libido than men in marriage).  And women have a MUCH higher drive for emotional & spiritual needs than men (From Peacefulwife – this is a generalization, there are exceptions!).  We both need all three…  but we all struggle to give all three equally because it’s so much easier to give what we crave.  However, let me put it this way.  When a husband initiates prayer… it is EXACTLY the same as if a wife would walk into the room wearing lingerie.  It’s instant attraction, and immediate feelings of desire.

Kayla – I totally agree!


  • This can actually be a serious issue of temptation for us as women.  Praying alone with a very godly guy can be WAY TOO MUCH TEMPTATION.  So, we must watch ourselves, ladies!
  • Praying alone with men even online can be HUGE temptation, too.  This is one of the reasons why I don’t include men on my prayer team.  I have to guard my heart – and this is one area where I know I am extremely vulnerable.  That is part of the reason why I copy my husband on all emails to men and if I notice myself being drawn towards a guy – I very purposely have to back WAY off.  I am not above temptation.  The most tempting men for me are the most godly men that I greatly respect.  A fervently praying man is one of the most amazing things on the planet in my mind.   If I catch myself imagining being “with another man” spiritually – I have to quickly repent and check my motives and put my eyes back on Christ and my husband.
  • A godly wife deeply desires total spiritual “nakedness” with her godly husband.   She desires to be a safe place for him to share all of himself and she desires to support, encourage and build him up.  She is able to handle his vulnerability and weakness with grace.  She accepts him and sees herself as his teammate.  She feels safe, protected, trusting, brimming over with respect and admiration – and all of those feelings often well up in an intense physical desire for her husband.
  • The closer a woman draws to Christ, the more the fruit of the Spirit in a man and the power of Christ in a man will draw and attract her to him.
  • I believe women are at significant risk for developing spiritual and emotional attraction to pastors, Bible teachers and spiritual leaders – particularly men they really respect.  This is something we must guard our hearts about as well – if we or the men are in a committed relationship.  For a woman, spiritual and emotional attraction can lead to physical or romantic attraction.  (I am not saying always.  But I believe we need to be aware of this temptation.)
  • I believe it is wise for a woman NOT to listen to a sermon or to read a book about what husbands “should” do.  As a single woman, it may be wise to read God’s Word and be familiar with what God calls men to be and to do so that you understand what to look for.  But in marriage, there is too much temptation to lose respect for her husband if a woman believes her husband is “not living up” to whatever the standards are that are being presented.  This can deeply wound a wife’s respect, honor and attraction for her husband.  NOT GOOD!
  • When a woman is totally surrendered and submitted to Christ – and she sees a very godly man and hears or reads his ideas and or prayers – she will tend to desire to submit to him and follow him.  Again, this is something we must guard our hearts about – because ultimately we are only to submit to Christ and to our own husband.  We will submit to our pastors to a degree.  But it is easy for women (especially women who don’t respect their husbands spiritually)  to elevate other men above Christ or above their  husbands and to begin to want to honor and submit to and respect this other man in ways she should only honor and submit to and respect Christ and her husband.  I know many women who have developed major feelings for spiritual leaders in the church and I know of affairs that have started this way.  This is another reason why I believe it is wise to try not to meet alone with a man, even a pastor, for counseling or advice.  I personally don’t even email men privately – as an accountability measure.  I copy my husband on all emails to men.  Pastors can fall, too.  We are all human.  We must all guard our hearts and the institution of marriage carefully.
  • This is also why it is so important for us as believers to marry only genuinely godly men and for us to be genuinely godly women.  Then we can focus on the spiritual strengths of our own husband and be content with what we have in our marriage.  Of course, once we are married, then it is our responsibility before God to meet our husband’s needs for respect and honor whether he is a believer and close to God or not.  It is MUCH EASIER to obey God when we are married to a man who is fully yielded to Christ, too!  How tragic to purposely walk into a train wreck of a marriage by marrying a man who is worldly, ungodly and not living for Christ.
  • Ultimately, no man can meet all of a woman’s spiritual and emotional needs – so it is imperative for us as women who are disciples of Christ to keep our hope, our faith and our eyes on Christ as LORD, that we continually purposely submit and yield ourselves to Him and spend time in His Word and in private prayer.  That is where the true contentment is found!
  • Many husbands desire their wives to stay in decent physical shape because many men are attracted more visually to their wives when they are in good shape physically.  I suggest that many wives desire their husbands to stay in decent spiritual shape, or to grow stronger.  I think that this drive to have a deep spiritual connection and to desire our husbands to pray with us and be our spiritual leaders is a huge part of the motivation of many women to nag and try to control their husbands to try to make them do these things.  Of course, that approach won’t work with a man!  Kind of like if a husband said, “Honey, I’d be so much more attracted to you if you would lose 20 pounds.”  That doesn’t motivate a wife.  We as women don’t motivate our men by saying, “You need to be more Christlike and more godly.  You need to initiate prayer with me.  You need to lead our family in Bible study or I cannot be attracted to you.  You’re not a good enough leader.”  (A husband IS the leader of the marriage.  I Cor 11:3  It is not a wife’s job to tear him down or tell him how to lead.  Her job is to be a joyful follower and to keep her eyes on Christ’s sovereignty.)
  • What motivates our men to grow spiritually is our genuine admiration and respect about the good things that are there in them already.  Negative words, lectures, nagging, criticism and humiliation don’t motivate men.  Also – humble prayer for our husbands is powerful and effective when we are living fully for God.  God can speak to our men in ways that are much more powerful than anything we could do or say.
  • For a woman, the life blood of a romantic relationship/marriage is the dialogue, the verbal/emotional/spiritual connection.  The words.  For a godly woman, the lifeblood of her marriage or committed relationship is often joint prayer.  To many Christian women, there is no greater intimacy than that of praying fervently together with their men.
  • Here is a problem with this.  While it is great that women who seek Christ above all else  desire to have an intensely deep spiritual/emotional connection with their men – this is actually much more difficult for a lot of men than many women realize.  Words, especially words about  deeply emotional and spiritual things come easy for some very verbal men – but not all men are verbal.  Not all believing men will initiate prayer.  If fact, most won’t.  And the Bible does not command husbands, “You must initiate prayer every night with your wife.”  The Bible commands all believers to pray.  Jesus talks a lot about praying in the prayer closet in private.  Of course, praying together is great.  But I don’t wan to see wives try to force joint prayer on their men.  I think it is fascinating that, in marriage, God uses a husband’s needs to help stretch and grow the wife.  And He uses the wife’s needs to help stretch and grow the husband.  God uses marriage to make us more holy.  This is going to require great patience for a wife as she trusts God and obeys Him and accepts her man as he is and doesn’t try to rush him along or force things to be the way she wants them to be spiritually.  It is an incredible opportunity to learn to wait on the sovereignty of God to work in our husbands.
  • A woman needs to know she is safe with her husband to reveal her physical body to him without fear and to allow him total access to her body as a gift to him.  A man needs to know he is safe with his wife to reveal his spiritual/emotional self to his wife and to allow her total access to his soul as a gift to her.  He needs to know that she won’t cut him down, humiliate him, disrespect him, make fun of him, condemn him, judge him, look down on him or belittle him to others.  He needs to know that she will still respect him even if she sees everything.  If he believes he could lose her respect, he will not share all of himself.
  • Women would do well to keep in mind that in marriage – many times, a husband needs a physical connection before he is ready for a spiritual/emotional connection.  For many husbands, the one flesh relationship ministers to them in a powerfully spiritual way.  I encourage the wives on http://www.peacefulwife.com to bless and minister to their husbands sexually and not to withhold themselves physically but to realize that in marriage, sex is not only physical, but is emotional and spiritual as well – especially for many husbands.  Actually, sex unites us on every level to whomever we have sex with.  Paul describes this in I Corinthians 6.

1Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”[b] 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.Ultimately – my highest focus must be Christ and total submission and devotion to Him!

This is part of why God commands us to reserve sex for marriage – it is to be a holy and sacred act.


Respect and Sexual Attraction (in marriage)

He Doesn’t Initiate Prayer with Me (the whole post from my friend, Kayla)

Posted in: attraction