My Respect for My Husband Has Nothing to Do with Him – VIDEO

Posted on August 17, 2013 by


Once I marry my husband – God commands me to respect him and to submit to his God-given leadership (honor his leadership).

Ephesians 5:22-33

** Please remember that a disciple of Christ is only to marry another disciple of Christ – a man who is “in the Lord” and seeking to submit Himself fully to Christ.


  • Respect must be earned.
  • Love those who love you.
  • You are totally justified to be as hateful as you want to be if someone wrongs you.
  • You respect someone based on how they act and if you perceive them to be worthy of your respect.


What does God say?

Check out Mathew 25 – Let’s  apply this to how we treat other people (and keep this in mind especially for other believers, and your future husband – but it applies to everyone in our lives) …  Replace “the least of these” with your man’s name if you are in a committed relationship…

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Jesus counts everything I think, say and do as if I am doing those things for and to Him.

  • It’s not about “Does this person deserve my respect and love?”
  • It’s about, “Does Jesus deserve my respect and love?”

My respect for my husband is only about him in that I will actually look for real qualities in him to admire and focus on – to build him up, to affirm him and encourage and praise him based on the praiseworthy qualities I see in him.

But I believe that…

The level of my respect and biblical submission I have for my husband is a tangible indicator of the level of reverence and submission I have towards Jesus Christ.

I John 3:14-15

14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 15 Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.

I John 4:19-21

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

How do we treat those who are hateful to us?

Romans 12:9-21

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c]Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[e]

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Where does my character come from?  Upon what does my character depend?

I am either controlled by the sinful nature, in which case – the fruit of my life will be:

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Or I am controlled by God’s Spirit, and the fruit of my life will be:

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Please note – how I treat others and what is in my soul is ALL dependent upon my abiding in Christ and on God filling my life – NOT the way others treat me.

PS – When a husband is living in serious sin:

This does not mean I must trust my husband if he has proven himself untrustworthy – but that I seek to honor him and find the good in him and do good to him in the power of God.  There can be times that trust must be rebuilt – and there can be times that trust cannot be re-established – but it is always the heart of a godly wife to seek to re-establish trust and to reconcile and heal the marriage.   I am not justified to sin against my husband simply because he sins against me.  I will be most tempted to sin when he sins against me.  But God can empower me to respond without sin.

I do not respect sin – and there are times I must confront sin (once I have very thoroughly examined my own sin in the light of God’s Word and repented of everything ungodly in my own heart) – following Matthew 18 and listening carefully to God’s Spirit.  But it is still my responsibility to respect my husband because he is my husband – just like God commands believers to respect government officials and those in leadership positions in the church and our parents.  That doesn’t mean they are perfect – we do this to honor Christ and to honor those in God-given leadership positions over us.  But we do not participate in clear sin or condone sin.

I Corinthians 7:10-24 – God’s Word about separation and about what a believing spouse should do if they have an unbelieving partner.

If a husband is living in disobedience to God’s Word, I Peter 3:1-6 is His prescription for a wife in those circumstances.


When My Spouse is Wrong