Accepting Attention from a Guy Who Has a Girlfriend

Posted on September 8, 2013 by


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From a Christian single girl:
I just wanted you to know that a comment you made on this post has blessed me TREMENDOUSLY the last few days- it was this one, because I am going though this right now-it is almost like it was tailor made just for me! You see, I just found out this week (the guy I am interested in) now has a girlfriend. I think I might have told you once before about him- Godly, Christian man, active in his church, heart for the poor, etc. We had some pretty deep talks after I got back from my mission trip. However this is turning into an odd situation.

He still offers me rides home from work every day, but has not said a word about a girlfriend or dating anyone.

It is starting to make me a bit uncomfortable.  If I was in a serious relationship with a man, I would NOT want him spending time alone with another female and driving her home every day. So that, plus the fact I developed feelings for him that I still have…makes for a weird situation. I don’t believe I’m going to be able to truly get over him and move on until I am not getting the ride offers every day.
I’ve been praying about it and I feel like I’m going to have to talk to him, I don’t want to make him feel bad or like he did something wrong…but I think guys don’t understand, that when they repeatedly do something chivalrous and kind for a woman, she may take that as interest, or she may become interested in them. They don’t think like we do, and they don’t understand it. So, I think I’m gonna have to pray for wisdom and the right words to say (I am NOT going to tell him I like him) and the right opportunity to say it. If you have any additional insights or wisdom here, please share!! 🙂  I have the UTMOST respect for this man and don’t wish to make him feel bad or tear him down.
I tried to do the turning down of his ride offers a few months back but he kept asking…every day…for a couple months and didn’t “get it” so to speak. So, I ended up giving up that angle. Its hard to know what to do because he is a coworker, and I’m afraid if I did have a “talk” with him, things would be really weird between us at work! I have to see him every day. I could try the turning down rides again but this time never take one again from him. I even prayed for a long time that the Lord would prevent him from asking me if I wanted rides if he didn’t have feelings for me. But, he still keeps asking. He originally started doing it in the wintertime when he saw me walking home one day on a very cold blustery day. (I live about a mile and a half from work and usually just walk to and from.) But then he didn’t stop offering the rides…winter, spring, summer, fall..
It IS a quandary, and the ride thing isn’t the only nice thing he’s done for me…he’s given me sermon cd’s he thought would interest me, complimented my cooking when I brought things in for work potlucks, gave me an ice cream bar after I had to have an abscessed tooth pulled, etc.etc. SO perplexing and no easy solution!!
I don’t know if he would tell me or not if I asked him if he’s seeing anyone.

THANK YOU! –

PEACEFULWIFE’S QUOTE FROM EARLIER IN THE WEEK THAT BLESSED ME
What if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings?
 
Well, you will grieve. You will be sad. You will cry. You will hurt. Then, you will take that pain to God and God will use it for good to make you more like Christ. If you have the Spirit of God – you cannot lose. He will continue to empower you with His supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. You will look forward to seeing what God’s plans are for you in the next chapter.
Avoiding pain is not the goal of life.
Loving God well and loving others and bringing glory to God is the goal! There will be pain and suffering along the way. God is able to use all of that to make us more mature in our faith, to teach us to trust Him more and to form in us the mind and heart of Christ.
You can’t lose. You will have the spiritual blessings of God no matter what happens. No one can take you out of the sovereign hands of our Lord.:)
 
FROM PEACEFULWIFE:
YUCK.
This kind of situation is very frustrating.  I understand why this sister in Christ would be concerned about exactly how to handle things.
  • In my view, if he IS in a committed relationship – and this girl has romantic feelings toward him – it could be unwise of her to continue to accept rides from this man.
I kind of wish she had told him a bit more clearly about her feelings for him months ago myself!  But, that does get sticky with a coworker if he is not interested.  So I understand the dilemma there, too.
Ideally, HE would mention he has a girlfriend.
But at this point, he hasn’t told her he has a girlfriend.  If she says she knows he does have a girlfriend, that doesn’t look good, really.  Then there is the question of, “How does she know?
It is an option just to continue to say, “No, thanks.” with a smile each day when he offers a ride home.
Or, maybe there is a female coworker that would be willing to give this girl a ride home.
If a girl has a godly dad – it would be great to ask his opinion on this issue.
I’m definitely praying for God to give this friend of mine His wisdom about what to say, when, where and how!
Your thoughts?
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