Clarification on Waiting on God and Not Pursuing Men

Posted on September 16, 2013 by




When I talk about not pursuing a man – maybe I should use the words “chase,” “try to control,  “pressure” or “take charge of”

  • I am saying, don’t text him 37 times a day.  Usually, it is probably best if he asks for your number/email/FB/Twitter, or whatever.  Does that mean you can never give a guy your information?  Nope.  But if you do, and you contact him – wait until he contacts you again before texting/emailing/messaging again.  Let him set the pace of frequency of contact.
  • generally don’t ask men out on dates (this is not a command of God, just a suggestion of mine.)  I am sure there are some exceptions.  I have seen many girls who always ask the guy out first and continue to be the one initiating all contact.  I don’t think that is a good idea!  It sets the girl up to be in charge – and that is not a healthy pattern to get into chronically.  But most of all listen to God’s Spirit!!),
  • don’t demand that he marry you
  • don’t try to force him to do what you want.

It is TOTALLY FINE and EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to make it obvious to him that you are interested.  It’s fine to say you are interested in him.  Usually just once – but these are not strict rules.

The dangers here are

  • That you will not show your interest and he will have no clue you are interested in him
  •  That you will go too far the other way and pressure him and smother him.

Both of those extremes are bad.

There is a beautiful place in the middle that is great!  Moderation is the key!

Some of you are so timid that you are not letting the guy know you are interested.  That is probably not going to work!  You may need to say something like “Just to let you know, if you were to ask me out, I would definitely say, ‘Yes.'”  especially if you have been just friends for a long time.  But then the ball is in his court after that!


This does not mean doing nothing and just sitting in a corner and waiting for a man to fall into your lap!

But it does mean abiding in Christ and being very sensitive to His Spirit, not running ahead of Him.  It means obeying His Word and the things He makes clear to you through prayer and also through godly authorities in your life.

Waiting on God can and does involve being friendly to people, meeting people, talking to new guys.  It could possibly involve subscribing to a dating site or going on a blind date or introducing yourself to a guy.  It’s ok to look for a godly man.  The key is that you don’t make an idol out of finding a man and that you don’t rush God or push and pressure a man.

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