Waiting on God and on the Man We are Interested in

Posted on September 16, 2013 by


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From a sister in Christ who responded to a post “Let Him Pursue You.”  I asked if she might share her story with us.  I am so thankful she did!

Hi! This post is fabulous, and exactly what I try and tell my youth group girls! I’m 20, completely content in God, never had a boyfriend, and more than ok with that. I am waiting on The Lord, and while I’m waiting I’m serving in whatever ways I can. For the last year and a half I have known this great guy, J.   At first I thought he wasn’t for me, but he has been pursuing me a good deal (in a totally non-creepy way) since I grew up a little bit more at the beginning of this year (I had moved to NZ and then back home again for study). He has helped my family and I move, and is a constant support spiritually in prayer during the trials (I became incredibly sick 2 months ago being unable to get out of bed without fainting), but God worked miracles through the trials, and I have come to know well this amazing Godly guy.

He has informed me he likes me, but hasn’t asked me to tell him how I feel about him (I know he probably will soon), it is a wonderful friendship, and I am very content with how it is going presently, and looking forward to knowing what God has in store for us over the next few years :D .

It’s great that you are posting this sort of thing, it really backs up what us youth group leaders try to instill into our girls hearts!

Aahhh, in a practical sense… Well it has never been easy for me waiting on God, it is a constant interaction with Him where I freak out about the waiting at times, and then realise I’ve taken the burden back on myself, and so I give it over again to God. When I first started waiting on God I was a shocker with taking it all back, but have found as I have grown older, and more persistent in my desire for God to be in control, it has become less and less difficult to wait on God.

Waiting on God is incredible once it is put in practice, and I’m not saying its all my ability to wait, because it is the hardest thing giving control over my life to God.

I made a decision, that my desire was for God to lead my life, I asked God to help out with me continuing to give everything over to Him, and God has! I came to the conclusion when I was 18 that if Christ is LORD (from the verse that says: every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.) then that meant He is ultimately in charge of my wellbeing even if I have asked Him to be or not. What I realised then is that if Christ is already overseeing my life, then the truth of the matter is…

it isn’t really giving the waiting over to God, really it is saying: “God, I already know that your plans are not the plans I have formed in my heart. I know that you care deeply about my well being, and what is happening in my life in every moment. I know that you have decided which man I was created a helper to, and I TRUST that you know what is best for me and always will. I trust you to guide me in my life wherever it is you see fit, in whatever way you see fit. Help me please to trust in you.”

The reality is not all women are called to marriage, though most are. I realised that for me,

  • I just needed to walk in the Lord day by day, to serve Him whenever the opportunities arise.
  • In doing this my focus is taken off what is missing in my life, and instead focused on my mission in life.
  • I can find contentment in any situation I am in because I am not focusing on me, but on Christ, and the reason He has placed me on this earth.

As for letting J set the pace…

I don’t find it daunting or hard to do , purely because he feels more deeply for me than I do for him. He has been slowly pursuing me for over a year, and I only just noticed him when I became sick and He helped to support me in God. I wasn’t falling or anything, but he kept me constantly in his prayers and checked in on me every day to make sure my brain wasn’t heading places it shouldn’t.

It was God in him that I noticed then, and then it seems my eyes are being opened to his other charms as well. I was so focused on following God, I truly think God had to open my eyes to J for me to see him. We are still just friends, and he is traveling over to America for seven months as of November, so I think he is waiting til he gets back to ask me what I think of him.

I suppose part of my willingness to let him be in charge of the pace of the relationship is because I know that God actually made men to be the initiator in relationships, they don’t seem to be as easily led by their emotions as girls (generally speaking here), and if they are a Godly man, they will seek God in each step they take as well. Because we were friends first before things started happening, I know that his heart is lost in God, I know he seeks Him constantly as I do, and probably even more. Because his heart safely trusts in God, I am able to safely trust his pace as well.

Pushing things ahead too fast is not a good thing to do cause your sight is on the future rather than on the now. Enjoying the present is so important, you cherish every moment, and you also SEE things that are missed about them when in a hurry, both good and bad.

Then there is those attitudes that we have to reign in, like being controlling, or under friendly, and even worse, over friendly.

Being controlling is like saying you don’t trust the man to lead the relationship properly in the Lord. If you’re in that boat, you either are like that with every guy, and need to fix it, or the guy you’re with isn’t leading as much as you like and so you take over. If it is happening in your relationship now, it will be even worse when married, you may need a stronger man. (From PW – or, you may need to learn to follow)  God meant for the man to lead, and the woman to help and follow the direction of her husband, so if you are being controlling, you might need to take a look at God’s role for you as a wife and mother and woman, and work with the Lord to be submissive to your husband even if that is not your way.

Over friendliness  (from PW – or rushing the relationship, pressuring or demanding things from the guy) can be troublesome as well cause the man doesn’t just listen to signals from God, he listens to signals from you as well. I don’t want to be like my friend that was over friendly with her husband, and it got to her wedding day where she was meant to take her vows, and she realised it had all happened too fast, she wasn’t ready for that step. She married him anyway, and lets just say it took a while for them to understand each other because of the speed. I just wonder though what would have happened if he had been wrong for her? She missed out on the subtle clues during her relationship with him that would have told her to slow down had she sat back and waited.

Under friendliness, well that is easy to get, the man doesn’t get the cues he needs to know your interested in him back, so he backs off.

Friendliness in general with a guy,

I have always worked on understanding the 4 different types of love needed in life…:
Philia- friendship love, the love you have for your best friend.
Storge- the love you have for your family members
Agape- Spiritual unconditional love that comes from God alone.
Eros- Romantic love and attraction.

My parents have always told me that a successful relationship rests not in the Eros, but in the Philia, storge and Agape. When the other 2 loves fade, it is friendship and love from God that keeps the relationship strong, although all four are needed to be truly in love.

  • So they have taught me to begin with friendship, if you are best of friends, your relationship will work intellectually.
  • If you strive for fellowship together in God, Agape forms
  • then when friendship becomes stronger than friendship you become more like family in that you can be yourself and talk about anything comfortably, and be yourselves around them (storage).
  • And Eros is just an added bonus to the connection you have together.

So what I’m doing is allowing J and God to build a strong friendship and love for God together, whatever else follows will be in Gods timing, and purpose, I’m just taking our friendship day by day and so is he.

I’m not sure things will even happen between J and I, but it doesn’t disturb me because of the fact that we are both being guided by The Lord.

 

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

NOTES –

1. PURSUING A MAN:

When I talk about not pursuing a man

  • I am saying, don’t text him 37 times a day.  Usually, it is probably best if he asks for your number/email/FB/Twitter, or whatever.  Does that mean you can never give a guy your information?  Nope.  But if you do, and you contact him – wait until he contacts you again before texting/emailing/messaging again.  Let him set the pace of frequency of contact.
  • generally don’t ask men out on dates (this is not a command of God, just a suggestion of mine.)  I am sure there are some exceptions.  I have seen many girls who always ask the guy out first and continue to be the one initiating all contact.  I don’t think that is a good idea!  It sets the girl up to be in charge – and that is not a healthy pattern to get into chronically.  But most of all listen to God’s Spirit!!),
  • don’t demand that he marry you
  • don’t try to force him to do what you want.

It is TOTALLY FINE and EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to make it obvious to him that you are interested.  It’s fine to say you are interested in him.  Usually just once.

The dangers here are

  • That you will not show your interest and he will have no clue you are interested in him
  •  That you will go too far the other way and pressure him and smother him.

Both of those extremes are bad.

There is a beautiful place in the middle that is great!  Moderation is the key!

2. WAITING ON GOD:

This does not mean doing nothing and just sitting in a corner and waiting for a man to fall into your lap!

But it does mean abiding in Christ and being very sensitive to His Spirit, not running ahead of Him.  It means obeying His Word and the things He makes clear to you through prayer and also through godly authorities in your life.

Waiting on God can and does involve being friendly to people, meeting people, talking to new guys.  It could possibly involve subscribing to a dating site or going on a blind date or introducing yourself to a guy.  It’s ok to look for a godly man.  The key is that you don’t make an idol out of finding a man and that you don’t rush God or push and pressure a man.

 

 

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