What He Thinks When You Say “Nothing is Wrong” – but You Are Upset

Posted on October 18, 2013 by


From an amazing book “How to Talk So Your Husband Will Listen, and Listen So Your Husband Will Talk” by Rick Johnson…

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Men are much more literal in their conversations with women. For instance, when he asks, “What’s wrong?” And you say, “Nothing,” you might mean, There is a problem and if you really loved me, you would stay and ask me more questions.

But he takes you at your word and figures you just need some time to yourself to work through your problems like he does. Likely, he will walk away to honor your request, like he would appreciate you doing if the situation were reversed.

Sometimes… I know there really is something bothering her. But because I know if I dig deeper, I’m going to end up being in trouble about something, and that makes me pretty nervous, I back off and mind my own business.

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I read this quote to Greg and he strongly agreed with these points as being how he has felt in this situation.  Maybe your guy is the same way.  Maybe your dad or brother also feels this way?

This is one of the reasons  why God asks us to give grace to people.  We often easily assume someone has evil motives, when, sometimes – they just look at life in a totally different way than we do.  Sometimes they have good motives, but they are different from us.  That is ok!

What a difference there would be in our relationships if we could learn about how our men think, feel, process and look at life instead of assuming they think exactly like we do. Then we can be more direct , gentle and respectful in asking for what we need, and we can be more understanding about how they respond to us- appreciating when they treat us with respect.  Then we can gently, patiently, calmly teach them about  our world of femininity, knowing that this is foreign territory for them.

Maybe my husband is not unloving for the way he responds.  Maybe he is treating me with respect from his masculine point of view, trusting me to be able to handle my problems by myself.  Or maybe he is wounded and afraid of my sharp tongue.  Or maybe he has a huge weight on him at work or in his own soul that he has not shared with anyone and he Is feeling inadequate and frustrated and needs some appreciation and validation himself.

As we learn to understand our men and as we peek inside the incredibly noble and beautiful world of masculinity, our relationships become stronger, we find more grace to give to others and we get a glimpse into the very  heart of God.

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