When a Guy Is Being Completely Inappropriate

Posted on December 9, 2014 by


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AN ACQUAINTANCE, COWORKER, CLASSMATE, or STRANGER:

If a guy you are not even in a relationship with is asking you for naked pictures or casual sex, here are my thoughts:

Yes, we can treat men (and women) with respect, honor, dignity, grace, and the love of God. We can do this for everyone. However, if someone is asking us to sin and to dishonor God – our respect for God, His Word, and ourselves is important in the picture, too.

It is not ever ok for anyone to ask you to sext with them, to send them naked pictures, to hook-up, to have oral sex, or to be involved in any kind of sex/sexual activity outside of marriage. You may say firmly, “Don’t contact me anymore. This is totally inappropriate.” Or, “Don’t EVER say that to me again! Please stay away from me.”

That is not unloving. This is NECESSARY! Love does not tolerate someone making demands for us to sin with them. Then try to  drop all contact if at all possible, especially if the guy will not change his behavior. Even if he does change, please use extreme caution around him. Guard your heart!

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

What they are doing is trying to entice you into sin. Nope. Not ok! Your relationship to God comes first.  Please don’t play with this dangerous fire! If someone is trying to get  you to dishonor or disobey God, that person has to go! We must treat the marriage bed with great honor, according to God’s Word.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4

That means, anyone who tries to treat us as a sexual object or toy is treating God, marriage, sex, and us with dishonor and we need to remove ourselves from that situation – promptly!

It is imperative that you address this firmly. Unfriend him online. Block him. Don’t respond to his calls or texts. Don’t meet up with him. Try not to be anywhere alone with him. Ask to be reassigned to another area at work if possible. Do whatever you can to avoid this guy if you have asked him to stop and he won’t stop. If the guy is not heeding your boundaries, you may need reinforcements. If it is a coworker, you may need to involve your boss. If it is someone at school, you may need to involve the school if  you have asked him to stop and he won’t stop this type of blatant sexual behavior. If a guy is threatening you or stalking you – please involve the police, your parents, your boss, whomever you need to involve, please do so!

You do not have to try to maintain a relationship with someone who is targeting you for sexual sin. That is not being “mean.” It is ok to drop all contact with someone who is treating you like this. You can pray for his salvation. But you do not have to try to reach out to him in kindness or try to witness to him at this point, unless God is very clearly prompting you to do so. I believe your greatest priority in this situation is to stay out of the way of sin, harm, and temptation. Many unbelieving men in this situation would be happy to act like they are listening to you talk about God when all they really want is to sexually conquer you. Please don’t fall for this!

A BOYFRIEND:

If your boyfriend is asking for these things – and he is a believer – let him know this is not ok, it is not appropriate, and that you are committed to waiting and being pure until marriage. If he is not a believer, you should not be with him! God’s Word is very clear about that!

Don’t be alone with a guy who told you that he is being tempted by you or who said he wants to have sex with you, to hook up, or to sext with you – even if he is your boyfriend. Probably best not to be alone with guys in general.  

If he gets mad and leaves you over this, that is fine – let him go. He is showing where his heart and priorities are. They are not on God. A guy who truly loves Christ will want to honor His commands and will want to focus on purity and obeying God, even if it is hard. If he slips up unintentionally – you may be able to forgive him, develop new boundaries, and continue in the relationship. This will require great sensitivity to God’s Spirit, as it can get more complicated when it is a guy who truly is seeking God but who is feeling very tempted. You may need some help from a godly mentor or godly parents. But, don’t let anyone pressure you into something God says is sin!

Here are some things the Bible has to say about such situations.

JOSEPH:

So Potiphar left everything he had in Joseph’s care; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.

Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!”

But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.

One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. Genesis 39:6-12

NEW TESTAMENT EXHORTATIONS:

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. I Corinthians 6:18-20

But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. I Corinthians 5:11 

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity (chastity). I Timothy 4:12

RELATED:

Breaking Up with an Unbelieving Guy

Is It Wise to Be Close Friends with Unbelieving Guys?

I Had Sex with My Boyfriend, How Do I Make Things Right with God Now?

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