I am a 40 year old very happily married wife and mother of 2 wonderful children, and a part time pharmacist.  My husband and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary this year.  I have been a believer since I was a child- but the past 5 years have been a rich journey for me – studying what real, godly femininity is all about, real masculinity, God’s design for marriage and for women, and how to practically live out a godly life as a woman.

I have gone from being a fairly controlling, kind of bossy, critical, anxious wife to a wife with a gentle and peaceful spirit who does not give way to fear – a woman of true, feminine beauty in the eyes of God and my husband!  I have learned what joy comes to a marriage when a wife genuinely respects her husband and follows his leadership – the transformation for myself, my husband and our marriage was nothing short of miraculous.  I have learned to become my husband’s biggest supporter and to step down out of the leadership position to allow him the opportunity to be the godly leader that God desires him to be.  God has changed me in ways I could never have imagined.  He has made me into the woman I have always longed to be.  We have the marriage of our dreams, and even more importantly, the marriage God desires us to have thanks to all that God has done!

How I WISH I had known what I know now way before I was married, or even dating!  This generation of young women is paying a heavy price for following the world’s ways.   In the 1960s the Baby Boomers questioned the authority and existence of God, the authority of God’s Word, the authority of husbands over wives, the authority of parents over children and undermined every God-given authority in existence.   Our culture decided to remake the identity of women, of marriage, of men, and parenthood.  We can’t help but absorb some very unbiblical ideas from it, and it is time to question those things, and look to the light of God’s Word to see what  is truth.   If we don’t turn from the world and embrace God’s ways, our nation is heading for disaster.  We are already well on our way there now.

Ideally, I believe that mothers and fathers would be equipping their daughters, preparing them for marriage, training them in godliness, teaching them the way of virtue, chastity, faith in Christ, teaching them to guard their hearts and purity, protecting them, modeling for them what it means to be a godly woman, a godly man, to have a godly marriage, to live out a Spirit-filled life of obedience to Christ.  But reality today is that many girls are falling through the cracks and desperately need a godly female mentor to point the way to Christ and the life He desires them to live.

SOMEONE needs to stand up, stand in the gap, pray for and teach the precious young women of God’s beloved church! 

I desire to speak God’s truth, to help girls see the world’s lies and to point them toward Christ and living with Him as Lord in their lives each day.  The topics I discuss are topics that are critical to our girls’ future, their marriages, their purity and their relationship with Christ.   I desire to bring God’s voice to young women and give them the chance to discover His ways and His best for them.

I pray that God might use me to help young women on their journey to learn to obey Him even when it’s not politically correct and sometimes very counterintuitive.  I pray that God might be greatly glorified in my marriage and my spirit and writing.  I pray that everything I write might be biblically based and centered on the authority of God. My wisdom is SO USELESS. Only God’s wisdom is of value. I pray that all who read what I write might embark on their own personal journey of tasting and discovering that God is so very good.  His ways are best.  His wisdom is so much higher than our own.  Only in knowing and obeying Christ can we find the paths that lead to abundant life, fulfillment, peace and joy – whether we are married or single!

You can also check out my other blog  www.peacefulwife.wordpress.com  for my perspective on marriage, and my husband’s blog www.respectedhusband.wordpress.com to see things from a man’s perspective.


I write from the perspective of a woman who was very Type A, driven, controlling and take-charge with a passive husband.  If you tend to be more quiet and shy and have difficulty expressing yourself or you are with a more domineering man – my blog may not be the best fit for you.  If you are experiencing abuse from a man, PLEASE find godly help ASAP!  That goes way beyond the scope of my writing. Please do not read my blog but seek help right away if you are being abused.

JESUS IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! How to have Jesus as Lord and experience His power, peace and joy. (7 minute video)


68 Responses “About” →
  1. I’m nominating you for the Versatile Blogger Award! Thank you for your ministry! I love your blog! http://becominghiseve.wordpress.com/2012/05/19/the-versatile-blogger-award/

    • Wow! Thanks for such a high compliment, Adam’s Eve! And thank you for your support. I always love reading your posts and your stories, too! Thank you for your ministry to women. I pray you’ll keep growing and shining brightly for Christ!

  2. Dear Sister, We NEED you. I can’t tell you how much we unmarried single women NEED you and this perspective you have to offer. If you can find it in your heart and in the space of time you’ve been given, I would highly recommend you use your talents to write a book! SO MANY WOMEN need this teaching about godly feminity and masculinity and what is healthy! God bless you, and thank you from the bottom of my broken and now healed heart! Praise the Lord!

    • Lamabutterfly,

      I am currently working on a book for wives. But I do have it in my heart to write for single women, too. Please pray that God might guide me in this! I only want His will, His power, His glory, His Words – I want it all to be about Him to build up His church.

      I know single women need this information desperately. It is my goal to reach whomever God might allow me to reach!

      Thank you for your comment and encouragement! Please pray God might use me however He wants to. I am fully willing and yielded to Him!

  3. Reply
  4. I don’t know if this is terribly relevant to the discussion here, particularly with this blog, but here goes anyway.
    While I commend you for what you’re doing here, let’s not forget the folks who were once married, and for whatever reason they aren’t anymore. I’m sure you don’t set out to focus on the single, never-married women (or their male counterparts), but the sad state of things in America today remains that many of us are divorced. Regardless of the reasons, or who’s fault it was, there seems still to be a stigma related to divorce, particularly in the church.
    I think your focus on godliness, particularly as it relates to the guys that women may be attracted to, is quite commendable. My advice to ladies out there is to not slam the door shut on divorced men simply for that sake alone.
    …Just my two cents!

    • Todd,
      You know, the thought did occur to me to start a “Peaceful Divorcee'” blog and a “Peaceful Widow” blog – but I don’t have personal experience with those situations and have my hands pretty full with two blogs already.

      It is my prayer that God might use me to reach any women He desires me to. I do want very much to reach women BEFORE they marry – to try to prevent the heartache that our culture’s method of marriage would bring.

      But I don’t intend to leave out those who are divorced. Do you have suggestions about topics you’d like to see me address?

  5. I don’t want to overwhelm you. My purpose isn’t to give you or your husband more than you can handle. These are just some of the thoughts rolling through my mind lately. I’m still trying to figure out how to write about things on my mind without opening up my own skeletal closet, but in a manner that can help others.
    I wish I had some good advice to share. It does sound like you’ve got something good going at your local church with your ministry. I think “Iamabutterfly” hit the nail on the head when she said indicated her own brokenness and healing. We can all use healing. Maybe now that you know that divorce happens and it can’t be prevented in all relationships, you will be aware of it as you serve the ladies you work with and as you write your columns.

    • Is there something you would like to send me for me to consider posting?

      I was thinking about your comment and have a post in draft mode about marrying a man who is divorced. I want to be sure women understand what to expect if there are children from a previous relationship involved and how to have realistic expectations. Would it be ok if I send you a copy and see if there is anything you would like to add?

  6. Great introduction and testimony! I have definitely seen the effect of feminism and chauvinism on relationships…and what a price we pay for following the world’s way. I look forward to reading more…May God continue to bless you and your husband’s ministry 🙂


  7. Alexandra Christensen

    July 28, 2013

    I thank God that I found your blog. Your words, along with the Bible, have showed me how to step back in my relationship and stop focusing on how much my boyfriend has changed over the past almost 5 months (we’ve been together almost 8) and take a look at the possibility that maybe I don’t see as much love and affection from him anymore because I changed first. I always knew husbands are to love their wives and wives respect their husbands but I was clueless as to what that looked like. Respect. Thanks so much for your blog spelling out specific ways to show respect. I can’t believe it’s so foreign to me! After having a talk with my boyfriend, who in the first three months of our relationship (we’ve known and worked in ministry together for 3 years) talked and dreamed all the time about us being married and then everything basically stopped (the marriage talk and hugging and kissing – nothing more)…after having a 3rd talk about why he doesn’t show affection or do the same things anymore – basically why did you stop loving me – he appeared to be clueless that anything had changed and reassured me that he still loves me and wants to be with me. I believe him. He still calls about 4 times a day and he always signs off with “I love you” – he said it first – but he doesn’t hold me anymore or show it like he used to. So I did a search online and found your blog and God really spoke to my heart. I began to seek Him and ask, is it possible that he changed because I changed first? God, show me if I have been disrespectful and teach me how to respect him and then, when you have thoroughly brought me around and shown me what I am to be IN YOU, then I can re-evaluate the relationship for myself and see if it’s something that is to continue. I want to let you know that I am approaching 50 and have never been married in my life. He is approaching 51 and has been married twice and the last one his wife shamed and humiliated him in front of a lot of people regularly. But I have a dilemma now and wanted to get advice from my friend but they are vacationing in the Tennessee mountains and don’t get phone reception and I may need to know something pretty soon. Before I started dating my boyfriend I was taking classes to become a foster parent. Then my boyfriend finally asked me out and we spent almost every day together for the first three months. We are older, remember. Not spring chickens anymore. Anyway, I finished the classes but wasn’t yet licensed. Once I was licensed I asked him how he felt about me fostering. He told me that basically for him, he really doesn’t want to raise kids anymore. His son is 17 and when his son graduates we have talked about doing mission work in South America- something both of us have heard the call to do. So he wants me to be happy and he would still be with me but, really for a long term plan (marriage) it would not work because it’s not what he wants. What I want first is to be his wife so I just waited until I got a call about a child placement and then when it came I told him about it and waited to see what he would say. If he said he wanted to marry me and proposed I would not have taken the child. But he didn’t and so I felt like I couldn’t put my life on hold for something I had no promise would happen. So now the question. This daughter I have is going to be placed somewhere else soon and I will be without a child. A few times while I had her he would ask me, “So how long do you think you’ll have her again?” and I knew he was thinking about when I would be free again and more available to him as a couple. He now knows she will be leaving soon and I just know in my heart he is going to ask me if I plan on taking another kid. If I were to be honest with him I would say that’s up to you. If you ask me to marry you then, no, I will not. But if you are still not ready then, yes, I need to go on with my life as I had planned. But I know I can’t say that. That is basically putting pressure on him and taking away his leadership. So do you have any suggestions as to how I might answer this question when it comes up? Thanks.
    PS. I am so scared that once I hit post this will show up on facebook. I so hope that doesn’t happen. I had liked your facebook page but just unliked it right now just in case this goes on facebook.

    • Alexandra,

      It is such a pleasure to meet you! 🙂

      Based on what you are telling me – I wonder if your man is trying not to ruin your dream of caring for children. He may feel it is not his place to say for you not to foster children, since you are not engaged.

      Somehow – if you want to marry him – you may need to let him know that although you would love to foster children, you would be even more interested in being a wife, even if that meant not fostering children. Just be sure that you can respect his desire not to have children and not resent him later or try to pressure him into fostering children when he was very honest and up front and said he did not want any more children.

      These posts do not show on FB. 🙂

      I think you may need to be honest and upfront with him, or he may assume you care more about being a foster mom than being married to him.

      I am really excited about what God is showing you! This is exciting stuff!!!!!

      Much love,


  8. Alexandra Christensen

    July 29, 2013

    Thanks for replying so fast! We have had that discussion where he said he felt bad because he knows how much I want a family and he’s just done with that. I told him very clearly that a family doesn’t have to mean children. A family can be a husband and wife. And my number one choice is to be married to him. But if that’s not happening right now then I am choosing plan b, fostering. I felt like I was very clear but he seems to not always hear things or remember our conversations. He knows that I have a heart for kids and also that I’m ready to have a home with people in my house but I also told him that I know God has called me to missions and that is with kids so if I was married and working with kids in some sort of mission work then I would be just as fulfilled as if I had my own. And it’s not really “my own” I’m looking for. It’s working with kids in need.

    However, since he doesn’t always remember things, or sees things by what he feels he sees and not necessarily what has been said, then I am glad to have gotten your advice. I have already started praying about it; asking God if being up front is indeed what I should do should he ask the question, “What’s next? Are you taking another kid?” and I will pray that God will give me the right words so that he doesn’t feel threatened or pressured but can see clearly that my main desire is to be with him first.

    Thank you so much for the guidance you give on this site. There is so much more peace about doing things God’s way and letting the guy take the lead and just trust God with the rest. I’m just so glad there are numerous posts here to run to when I start to panic. In actuality, Before we started dating he would call me maybe every 4 to 6 months and we only saw each other maybe 3 times a year. But a year before we started dating, God told me that he was the man he had for me and 3 months before he asked me out I had just started to give up.

    God speaks to me through His Word and reassures me so even when I get scared and things don’t look like what God said is ever going to happen I fall back on the promises I have written down in my journals over the past 2 years and just focus on Jesus and what He has said and try to rest in that.

    You really have an awesome ministry going here, you know that? Us women really need what you have to offer. I will remember to keep you in prayer as you guide us with Godly counsel.


  9. I look forward to reading your posts! Especially since you aim to write with the Bible and God’s authority in mind. I thank God for another marriage that glorifies Him and works for the up building of His kingdom. Thank you for your testimony and may God continue to guide you and your husband in what you write and how you minister to others, in Jesus’ name.

  10. I like your blogs. On one of them, it would be a pleasure to see you would suggest a pattern of courtship and marriage for Christian communities that was more ‘hearty’ than what we usually see, just as your blogs are. Blessings!

    • Bowman,

      You know – I have been looking at the whole “Christian dating scene” from the outside now for the past year and a half. And it seems to me that it is total chaos. I have spoken with many singles about what could be done to begin to address the issues. I wish that there was a particular pattern that was culturally accepted among believers – like there used to be generations ago. Now – no one knows what to expect or how to begin a relationship. It seems VERY frustrating when I watch what is going on.

      I am not sure that I am qualified or powerful enough to begin a new Christian cultural norm. I wish there was a way to do that! My prayer is that God’s Spirit might sweep through His people, bring conviction and repentance and show us His way for everything – including preparing for marriage and courtship.

      If God gives me insight into this – I will certainly share it!

      Thanks – it is a great question. One I have thought about a lot. I have two children myself. My son is almost 12 and my daughter is almost 7 – we, we will be in the trenches before too long in our family. How I long for something more godly for them than the dating scene.

  11. Some Christian cultures have had a sensible ‘rules-ish’ pattern– statuses of ‘peership,’ friendship, courtship, and engagement before marriage. Though everything gets more formal as one draws nearer to marriage, mental marking of these statuses is more important than the details of them, or flawless compliance with them. But in our culture they would beg all sorts of questions of emotional discernment– as well they should!– and that is the gap to be filled IMHO. With the distinguished exception of your blogs, emotional discernment in this part of life is rarely discussed well or ‘christianly.’

  12. And let me add this, though it might belong on your peacefulmother blog instead 😉 A part of the confusion you mention is that a marriage to start a family and a marriage to have a lifelong lover are as distinct, though related, as Genesis 1:28 and Genesis 2:18 and yet there are those who will run, not walk, down lover’s lane with someone who has the other life dream. It really would make sense for Christians to get clear about what they are doing with their lives before they seek someone to do it with. Blessings!

  13. I first want to say I love your blog. I’ve been following it even before I was on WordPress. I also have a question: Do you know of any books on femininity and being a Godly woman that you would recommend?

  14. Hi there! I came across your blog while googling how to let go of a Christian guy. I’ve skimmed over several of your earlier posts and I feel you’re speaking directly to me! 🙂 I didn’t have a close relationship with my father as a child, and he died 16 years ago. I’ve been married and divorced, single again now for over seven years. Seems that when I meet and become interested in a guy, I tend to be that clingy, needy one who smothers! I can only surmise I’m trying to secure that love I needed from my father in my current relationships.
    Now, at 43, I’ve had quite a fondness for a guy in my Sunday school class, only to learn he’s dating another woman. UGH. Sadness and heartbreak and me realizing that I was probably pushing him away. I do want to be married someday, but I want to be HEALTHY! I know I have much love to give. I have some great friends, grounded sisters who are helping me and praying for me/with me along the way. They’re teaching me a lot about being a peaceful single woman. I wish I had learned and applied these things to my life years ago, but I’m praying for His healing and restoration in order to enjoy the full blessings of a godly relationship with His choice for me and in His time. I’m so glad to find your blog!

    • Jen,
      I wish I had understood these things 20+ years ago myself!! But I praise God He is showing you now! How amazing! He is SO GOOD, not to let us continue in our destructive ways. I can’t wait to see what He plans to do in your heart! Much love and a huge hug, my precious sister!

  15. Good Afternoon:

    I couldn’t find a private email to contact you, so commenting was my only option. Well, I’m in search for like-minded people who may be interested in the various topics I write about. I’m a new Christian author and wanted to innocently share my book “Lust, Demons, and Love” that’s available on Amazon Kindle. It’s not only affordable, but it shares a message on the demonic strongholds associated with premarital sex. It also shares God’s original intent for relationships. If you’re interested, you can find my short book here: http://goo.gl/Wb0Aff. Thank you for your time.

    Asia Mouzone

  16. I love you! I found your blog due to a brother in Christ posting one of your youtube viedos He exact words ” Now this womans got it down” referring to you being a Goldly woman. He is very anti fimenisium. Lol

    • Shyron,
      It is a pleasure to meet you! You know what? Feminism and my own sinful nature almost destroyed my marriage. I had swallowed so many feminist ideas from our culture and didn’t even know it. I never would have called myself a feminist. I thank God for waking me up to His beautiful design and wisdom!
      That is quite a complement! Thanks for sharing!

      Much love!


  17. Isabel

    May 27, 2014

    Please send me information if you have any on remarriage

  18. April,
    Hello! I have enjoyed reading your blog for a few months now. Unfortunately, I am divorced but I have a beautiful 7 year old girl from the marriage. I am 28 years old and I have been single for the past 4 years that I was going through my divorce. I have not even been on one date. This has been by choice because I knew that I needed time to heal from the hurt and pain that I have been through. However, I feel so alone that at times I get depressed about it. I want to date but I want to find a Godly Christian man…they are so hard to find. My church has no eligible bachelors or many singles my age to connect with. I serve with the youth ministry at my church but often times I feel like I need to connect with people my own age. I don’t want to stop serving in the youth ministry but I’m out of ideas to try and find Christian singles my age to make connections with. I feel so isolated….

    • Amb,

      Great to meet you! I think that many, many women feel the same way you do about godly men being hard to find. And I believe that many Christian men feel that finding a godly woman is extremely difficult, too. I don’t have any magical solutions. But I do pray for God’s wisdom and direction for you and most of all for you to grow and flourish in your walk with Christ and that you might be full of His Spirit, living in total submission and obedience to Him and that you might be very sensitive to His voice and leading.

      Sending you a huge hug my sweet sister!

      • Thank you for your thoughts,prayers and advice! Since I have written that post I have decided to attend a bible study for singles at another church. I am slightly nervous because I don’t know anyone but I need to make connections with other Christians. Also, I was wondering what your thoughts were about Christian dating websites (Christian mingle ). Are they wrong?

      • Amb,

        I pray God will give you wisdom and provide some very godly friends for you as He leads you to the right church home for you. 🙂

        I don ‘t personally have a problem with the concept of online dating. I am so old that there was no internet before I got married 20 years ago! 🙂 so I haven’t used it personally. But, I think you will have to be very careful and realize that many people are not truthful, just like they may not be in real life. I would love for you to have a godly dad, or mom or someone you truly trust who might help you evaluate men you are interested in. My prayer is for you to become more and more the woman God desires you to be and for you to find a man who also wants to be fully submitted to Christ as Lord. Please be safe and don’t meet strangers privately. I think taking things extremely slowly is a great idea, especially at first, with someone you don’t know at all. You need time to watch his life and see the fruit in his life and to get to know his background and history.

        Much love!

  19. Thankfully, I do have Godly parents who are more than happy to screen anyone I am interested in dating. You are right about me growing in Christ during this season of my life. He is my # 1…..and I would want him to be #1 when I marry again too. I heard a saying the other day “A woman’s heart should be so far into God, that in order for a man to get to her, he has to go through God first”. Thanks again for the encouragement!

    • Amb,
      What a blessing that you have godly parents! I am so thrilled to hear that. 🙂 And I love that saying that you shared. Beautiful!!!!!


  20. Smashing the Patriarchy

    August 6, 2014

    Somehow in my wanderings on the internet, I, a genetically Jewish, adamantly feminist, pro-choice, atheist, found my way to your little corner of the internet. And how I wish I hadn’t because after reading just one article I was already boiling with rage and disgust at your views.
    I live in an extremely liberal state, and I some times find it hard to believe that people with your views actually exist. I don’t have the time to get into the details of why you are so terribly mislead, nor to read every single one of your godawful articles (besides I’d end up throwing my laptop across the room if I tried) but I would love to start a, well in your own words, “peaceful” dialogue. It seems that everyone commenting agrees with your views, and everyone needs a little opposition now and then, hmm?
    Nice ranting to you, I look forward to your response, try to be civil.

    • STP,

      It’s great to meet you! 🙂

      If you hate God, hate men, hate babies, hate families and hate the Bible, I can guarantee that you will hate every post I write. Our views are diametrically opposed.

      I love God with all my heart and am so thankful that He was willing to live life on this earth as Jesus Christ and that He loved me (and you) so much that He was willing to take the punishment we deserved for the things we have done wrong on Himself so that we might know Him and be able to be with Him in heaven after this life is over. He rescued me from my awful sinful self and took away my hatred, bitterness, pride, self-righteousness, idolatry of self, resentment, fear, worry, anxiety and loneliness. He filled me to overflowing with His Spirit of goodness, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. Not because I deserve it. I deserve nothing good. But because He is so very good. He radically changed me and continues to change me and I thank Him every day for what He has done for me.

      I love the Bible. It is my lifeline, my spiritual food. It is such a treasure to me. Through it, I have real life and God’s unfathomable wisdom and can know the God who created the universe. I cherish every word.

      I love, respect and honor my husband and am so thankful for his strength, his character, his leadership in our home, his masculinity and his Christlike love. I am very blessed to be able to be home a lot with our two precious children who are gifts from God.

      I love men – I love learning to understand them better and learning how beautifully men and women can work together to be a team in marriage that bring great glory to God as the husband represents Christ’s selfless love and the wife represents the church’s love, reverence and honor for Jesus in marriage.

      I love women – and I love seeing hundreds and thousands of women’s lives and marriages changed, saved and healed through the power of God between my two blogs. I love seeing women discover the greatest joy, purpose, meaning, godly power, wisdom and strength in their lives and seeing them use their godly femininity to bless their families and build them up and to do good.

      I love children – and count each of them a gift, a treasure and a joy. I want what is best for them. And, having parents who love, honor and respect each other and who seek to please God and obey the Bible brings stability, safety, blessing and wholeness to the lives of children.

      I love marriage and family – the institution God created to be the building block of society, the place where children are raised, nurtured, loved and taught to know God and His Word and to become the people God calls us to be. Where there are strong, healthy marriages and families, there are strong, healthy, happy children. Then these children grow up and repeat the cycle, blessing their future marriages and families, as well.

      You are welcome here, and I am very happy to extend the love of Christ to you and answer any sincere questions. But, the purpose of this site is not to have long debates between myself and feminists atheists. It is to minister to those women who truly desire to become the women that Jesus Christ calls us to be. I have a husband who adores me, who treats me like a queen, who needs and deserves my attention, and children who are precious gifts from God who need and deserve my attention, and thousands of women I minister to every week who actually want to learn about God, the Bible and becoming the godly women God’s Word commands us to be. So, those are going to be my greatest priorities. I don’t have time to debate everyone who disagrees with me. My husband has asked me to focus my limited time on those women who want to draw near to Christ and want to become godly women. I seek to honor his request.

      I invite you to examine your life. Just from the small bit that you have shared about yourself – your life sounds miserable. All that hatred, resentment, rage and bitterness has got to be very toxic to your heart and mind – not to mention – expensive – if you throw your laptop across the room every time you read something you don’t like! How I pray that you might find the peace, joy, hope and abundant spiritual life that Jesus Christ offers to you now. I know just how much hangs in the balance as you make this decision to reject Christ. I want nothing but the best for you – for you to know God and to experience the most fulfilling life He has for you here and after you die. I want heaven for you – not hell. God wants heaven and Himself for you – not hell. But He gives you the choice. If you reject Him, you will get what you desire, to be separated from Him forever. God has done so much to prove His love for you in the sacrifice He made for you on the cross. I pray that you might come to know Him while you still have time.

      With love,


  21. Mrs CHV

    August 19, 2014

    I was looking for some articles for young ladies, not married, staying under the authority of their fathers until marriage. Also some respect articles for daughters to fathers (how this is really good practice for when they do get married). I am not having any problems with our girls, it would be something to reiterate what we have been teaching them from the Bible. Hearing it from other godly women is so encouraging. (I’m new to the blog world and so if you don’t have any articles but can direct me to another godly blog would be helpful) Thank you April!

  22. Hey- just a quick note: I’m retiring my internet commentary career, such as it is. Just wanted to say thanks for the interesting discussions. Everything’s good, I just have too much going on and decided that following blogs and commenting had its place and time for me, and I’ve said my piece and now should focus more on a business I am starting up and on more recreation and travel. Time to live it up a little, I guess.

    Good job, and best wishes.

    • Jack,
      I have enjoyed getting to know you! I hope you will check in once in awhile and let me know how you are and what God is doing in your life. May God richly bless your walk with Him. 🙂


  23. Nurse of Marines

    September 3, 2014

    April, I can’t even beGIN to tell you how much joy (and education) I receive from each and every blog you post. I could SO relate to your being a type-A, impatient, overachiever. I’ve utilized your posts to let a very Godly man know I’m interested in him. I was patient and he wrote back! 🙂 He knows that I like to use your “wretched sinner” and how you’re my favorite blogger. May God continue give you the strength to submit to His will thus submit to your husband. I’m so glad I found you!

    • Nurse of Marines,

      It is such a pleasure to meet you! I thank God that He is using me somehow to bless you. That is a huge answer to prayer for me. 🙂

      Please pray that I might be faithful in God’s sight and that it might only be Him who speaks through me, for His glory and the strengthening of my sisters and the Body.

      Much love!


  24. Jennifer Rash

    September 19, 2014

    I confess, I could not get through your entire post about what to do when your husband ignores you. Do you actually feel good about telling women that God wants them to be a doormat? We should keep quiet and not express our emotions because it might be too much for our men to handle? Do you consider yourself “peaceful” because you’ve tailored yourself to be whomever your husband expects you to be? Are you actually happy? Happiness, in not showing your emotions and being whomever your husband can actually handle you being? I am a Christian. My God made me me with all the emotion and that goes along with me being me. My God and my husband respect who I am and stifling that is creating a lie about myself. Your post basically says that women should defy their own chemical makeup because men were not created that same way. I’m appalled that you act as a voice for God. The only way women and men can one day actually be at peace is if both sexes drop the suppose tos and just be themselves. Faking being peaceful will not last. Your true self will always show it’s pretty face. Embrace who you are don’t hide it because you think it would be easier for others. That is a lie to yourself and a lie to your whole world and to you God. My God does not condone deceit. He made us exactly the way we are and it’s disrespectful of you to hide yourself for some predisposition of what you think a “good wife” actually is. I good wife is true to herself, her God and her husband. Be a strong woman but don’t let that make you a doormat! You’re better than that, we all are.

    • Jennifer Rash,

      It is a pleasure to meet you. 🙂

      I am thankful you shared your concerns with me, although, I am disheartened that you read so little of what I have written and feel qualified to judge my faith in Christ and my marriage – and to judge it so wrongly. I don’t mind if you judge me. Ultimately, I answer to Jesus. His approval is my only concern.

      I am thrilled to hear that you are a believer in Christ. So, I am sure that you have committed your life to Him and are desiring to please and obey Him in everything, because He is now your Lord. Our culture has greatly affected us, even those who profess Christ, to not uphold Scripture but to cling to the wisdom of this world. That is what I did, unwittingly, for many years. I was miserable then – full of pride, self-righteousness, trusting self instead of God, etc… I made myself, my husband and God miserable with my sin.

      If you are truly a disciple of Christ, you know that He says, “Anyone who loves me will obey My commands…. He who does not obey Me does not love Me.” John 14:22,24. And, you are, no doubt, well aware of the commands God gives to us as godly wives in Titus 2:3-5, Ephesians 5:22-33, I Peter 3:1-6, Colossians 3:18. Not to mention, I am sure you are also aware of the agape love that Christ Jesus commands us to love all other people with in I Corinthians 13:4-8 and how He commands us to treat those who mistreat us in Romans 12:9-21.

      My goal is to be fully submitted to Christ Jesus. This is all about my walk with Him. And my goal is to point women to Christ and to the absolute truth of the Bible as well as to encourage them to develop great sensitivity to God’s Spirit.

      There are times when being quiet and not expressing ourselves can be much more powerful than a long lecture, criticism, negativity, arguing or complaining would ever be. That is what I Peter 3:1-6 is about – particularly when a husband is far from God.

      That does not mean a wife should never express her feelings and desires. I actually have plenty of posts about the importance of us expressing our needs, desires, concerns and ideas – but – we should be expressing those things in respectful ways, not sinful ways.

      God’s Word declares “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23. And in Isaiah 64:6, God says that our human attempts at living righteous, holy lives are like “filthy, bloody menstrual rags” in His sight. We are all born wretched sinners. When we come to Christ, He gives us a new spirit, a new heart, a new mind and He wants to radically transform all of us (men and women) to be more and more like Himself through the power of the Holy Spirit regenerating our hearts and minds.

      I am not suggesting that women not be women. I am suggesting that we become the women God desires and calls and commands us to be and that we not walk in “our flesh,” our fallen, sinful nature anymore. Jesus died so that our sinful nature could die with Him and we could have new Life in Him! This is not possible in our own human power, but only by the power of God’s Spirit working in us as we fully submit ourselves to Him. And that is what He calls men to do, as well – fully submit themselves to Him as Lord. The things that God calls men to do are equally impossible in their sinful, fleshly nature. They do not and cannot naturally “love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.’ (Ephesians 5). They must be transformed by the power of God to be able to be the godly, holy men that God commands them to be.

      We are all called to “die to self.” Jesus commands His followers to pick up our crosses daily and follow Him. That means, we die to our will and our desires and our sinful nature and we live by His power and for His will and for His glory.

      Before you are “appalled” that I am speaking for God, please, please, read the scriptures I mentioned for yourself and pray and seek God’s face and His will in your life. Don’t take my word for it. If you truly belong to Him, you will want to please Him and understand His Word and live in obedience to Him. His Words will bring LIFE, joy, and healing to your life. If you don’t belong to Him, you will hate His Words.

      I am not talking about faking peace. I am talking about the fruit of the Spirit that happens when we are no longer living in the power of our sinful nature, but by the power of they Holy Spirit:

      Galatians 5 contrasts the sinful nature (which describes me in the first 14+ years of my marriage, and describes all of us when we are not living for Christ vs. when we are filled with God’s Spirit)

      16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

      19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

      22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

      I don’t ask women to be “doormats” – I ask them to be servants of Christ and to seek to glorify Him above all things. That is what we are called to do as His disciples – to love Him with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength and to love others with His love. Our lives’ purpose is to bring the greatest possible glory to God. When we attempt to be wives apart from the power of God, we tend to land on one of two extremes – being too submissive, self-loathing, without any opinions, voiceless, giving up our influence authority in our marriages, or we tend to be dominating, controlling, disrespectful, contentious, prideful and self-righteous. God calls us to neither of these sinful extremes, but to soar on wings like eagles far above any sinful or earthly ability as we seek to honor Him and please and obey Him in every facet of our lives.

      Thank you for sharing your concerns. I invite you to read more and to evaluate everything I say in light of scripture before you shrug off what I am talking about. You may want to check out my blog for wives http://www.peacefulwife.com. The posts at the top of my home page are a great place to start. 🙂

      My greatest concern for you is your walk with Christ and that He is pleased with you when you stand before Him when this short life is over.

      Much love to you!

  25. hi April,
    I have been blessed by your blog. I want to thank God for using u in a time like this. not everybody wants to say the truth completely for the fear of hurting people who really should change.
    I am not married anyway, am a teenager (19yrs) and a medical student and I need ur advice on a present situation. I have a very good Christian friend since my entry into d university, she has helped me a lot especially spiritually. she lost her dad last year, since then, she doesn’t share most of problems and talks little, though she tries to help me out in mine…. we are not close as we used to be. I felt she wasn’t really interested in d friendship any longer because I go to her room more often, she hardly comes around. now, we stay in same room and she hardly says a word to me or even anybody. I have stopped asking her what is wrong with her because she says nothing. she’s either praying, studying her book or her bible, or with her ears covered with an earpiece, or uses her phone (she doesnt do so before, at least not like this)recently, she decided to stop studying medicine and I heard from an outsider because she was attending a class she wasn’t supposed to, i confronted her and she’s now doing another course, she told me not to ask or pester for reasons ( I don’t know if its financial since her dad is dead, though she said it isn’t. truth is, I feel uncomfortable talking to her or around her like am scared or something, I know I have not been really a good friend. maybe I should have asked her from the beginning to know what’s really wrong despite her replies. I pains me that we hardly speak except I say something sometimes. I seriously don’t know how to reach out to her…….
    I have prayed, studied the bible on how to be a better friend and by nature am very shy and quiet and sometimes i feel i am insensitive. thanks for listening.

    • omoime,

      It is wonderful to meet you! 🙂

      I would imagine that your friend may be grieving and may be isolating herself in her grief. She may be quite depressed. I pray for God’s wisdom for you to know how best to minister to her, and for God to heal her heart and draw her ever closer to Himself.

      Much love to you!

      • thanks plenty for ur prayers….. sorry for d late reply anyway.

  26. Hello! I randomly found your blog and I’ve been blessed by it! I wanted to comment on a post about contacting guys because I have a question, but I couldn’t find the comment section (I’m using my phone). Hopefully you can answer this.

    I’m 21 years old and I really like this GODLY guy who’s 28. When I say Godly, I mean Godly. Jesus is his everything man. Well I met him a year ago at a young adult group. I was 19 and he was 26 at the time. He approached me first and we were great friends from then on. He gave me his email a few months after we met to just chat and all and we would encourage one another and he would tell me to just update him about my life and everything. It was great. I thought he liked me because of how he would spot me out of nowhere to talk to me and we would talk every Sunday. Then he moved away in the beginning of this year but then he gave me his number to call or text him whenever and not be a stranger. I just text or call him to update him if anything is happening in life with my family and plans and all (which he said that he wanted me to do). But my feelings for him are still there. I have no idea if flirting is an option. I don’t want to flirt to get his attention or anything. I don’t even know how to anyways. Sometimes I just want to tell him how I feel about him, but I’m scared to and I don’t want to ruin our friendship with awkwardness. I don’t text/call a lot, but just enough to let him know I still exist. He still visits our church on special occasions and/or randomly. He is everything that I’ve heard and read about what a godly woman should look for. The problem is that I feel like I’m not the one for him even though I feel like I am. we both love the same music, encourage one another, he even blessed my family with money when we needed it most last Christmas, but that is just how he is. that’s his heart. So I’m wondering if him not texting me first or calling me is not a sign that he’s not into me and how am I to show that I’m interested in him? I mean I drew a portrait of him as a gift for being a great friend, I always smile and pay attention to everything he’s saying, we joke in a mature clean manner, we talk about a lot of stuff. Maybe he isn’t into me. I don’t know.

    • Nerrrddi,

      It is great to meet you! In a case where you have been friends for a long time, there can be times when it can be a great idea to share a bit more about your feelings. This will require sensitivity to God’s Spirit. You could say something like, “you know, you are exactly the kind of guy I can see myself dating.” Or, “if you ever wanted to ask me out, I would say yes.” But, you probably only need to mention something like that once, unless the guy is super shy or nervous or has been severely burned before and is very apprehensive about rejection.

      Praying God will give you wisdom! Much love!

  27. Hey April!
    Happy New Year to you and your family! I am dealing with the issue of casting my cares on The Lord for several reasons; the first is that I am a single mom and have been since 2010. I haven’t dated anyone since my divorce and I am interested in a guy but I don’t know enough about him to know if he is a Christian or not. I just find him attractive. He says hi to me In passing but that’s about it. Would I be to aggressive if I said more to him by asking him if he goes to church? I have noticed that he doesn’t wear a wedding band but I’m not sure if it’s still respectful to say something to him? Also, I am a couple of months shy of graduating with a bachelors in nursing. I would like to graduate with a job offer so that I can provide for my daughter and I. Trying to trust The Lord with this but it can be difficult at times. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    • Amb,

      Sounds like a good thing to pray about – and to seek to be sensitive to God’s Spirit about – regarding the man you are interested in. 🙂 It is not disrespectful to initiate a conversation.

      Praying for wisdom and direction for you with your career and your entire life – that you may stay in the center of God’s will.

      Much love!

  28. It is always a powerful awakening when I can wake-up an praise the light of day and thank God and the Lord Jesus Christ for his glorifying me with life; just for that and to breathe the life that’s around you; such a lovely peaceful mind and heart that enriches my soul to see the day that way.

  29. April! I didn’t realize you were a part time pharmacist! I actually want to go back to school for pharmacy (already have my BS in Biology), but we’re in the middle of having our kids right now. If you have time, and don’t mind me asking, how did you manage to do pharmacy school – did you do it before having kids, in between somehow, or after?

    Thank you!

    • Dragonfly,

      I don’t mind you asking. We got married when I had one year left of pharmacy school and had children later. I love being a mom! I can’t imagine trying to do motherhood and pharmacy school at the same time, though. I used to study about 6-8 hours 4 days per week during school. If it were up to me now – I would be home with my children all the time. 🙂

      Much love to you!

      • That’s great! Yes, that is definitely the easier way…. We’re constantly trying to evaluate if it’d even be worth it, going back and obviously having to do student loans because it’s grad school. I wouldn’t try to go until our youngest was a little older, and the school in our city is a “kind” pharmacy school, they talked to me and assured me that they actually try really hard to not kick anyone out of the program. They have a lot of “non-traditional” students that get degrees there, so it might be a tad easier than a public program. But yes, I’d have to be ok with barely passing probably, because there’s no way I’d be able to devote that much time to studying.

      • Dragonfly,
        I would encourage you to read “The Life Ready Woman” by Shaunti Feldhahn before going to pharmacy school. I wish I had! 🙂

        Praying for God’s wisdom for you and your husband. My greatest prayer for you is that you will be in the center of God’s will for your life and that you will have no regrets – particularly as a believer, wife, and mom.

        Much love to you!

      • Thank you! Yes, not sure what to do at all. I’ll pick up the book! Thank you!

      • Dragonfly,

        If you have not worked in a pharmacy, I’ll be glad to talk with you about it privately – or you may want to talk to some pharmacists who are practicing in the field you are interested in. Talk to them about their job satisfaction, the time they have with their families, their schedules, the stress level at work, their work/life balance, etc…

        Much love to you!

      • I haven’t yet, I would still need to volunteer or work part-time as a pharm tech, but you’re right, I should find out if they actually enjoy the career choice and work-life balance. I’d love to talk to you about it, you can email me or I’ll email you if your email is on the site. Thank you so much!

      • Dragonfly,

        Of course! 🙂

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