Avoiding Regrets – The Path to Having the Life You Will Want in the Future

For the young ladies especially – although it applies to all of us…

The choices you make in your teens and twenties will drastically alter the direction of your life and determine much of what your life will be like in the future.  If you want to live a godly life, the  best time to decide that is as early as possible.  Then you can purpose to avoid sin, heartache and regrets and choose your life path wisely from the beginning.  I don’t want you to find out too late that the choices you are going to make might keep you from having the life God most desires you to have and that you will most desire in the future.  I don’t want you to miss ANY of His blessings.

Of course, whether you get married or not, what I am about to tell you are things that will please God – and that is our ultimate goal whether we are single or married as believers in Christ – to seek to please God above all else.  This is how to have abundant life in Jesus as we submit fully to Him as Lord.

I’d like to talk about some simple but powerful ways to be able to have the life you want and the marriage you want – a godly marriage with a strong Christian man.

AVOID THINGS THAT WOULD OFFEND GOD, THEY WILL TURN OFF A GODLY MAN, TOO

  • immodest clothing
  • pride – thinking “I know best. I’m always right.”
  • dating worldly men – even casually
  • self righteousness – looking down on others, thinking “I am better than” other people
  • gossip
  • selfishness
  • negativity
  • disrespect
  • close relationships with ungodly people – you will become like those you are closest to
  • dysfunctional ways of relating to others (manipulationpeople pleasingplaying the martyr, being motivated by guilt/fear, wanting approval of others more than the approval of Christ)
  • control
  • putting romance, feeling loved, a man, marriage, children, beauty, money, having control, thinness or anything above Christ in your heart
  • complaining
  • contentiousness/arguing
  • romance novels, romantic movies, love songs – these things can create unrealistic expectations of men and romance, it can be wise to avoid these worldly things that promote lust sexually or romantically.  Worldly romance can easily become an idol for us as women today.
  • addictions
  • extravagant and expensive clothing, jewelry, makeup and hairstyles
  • being very “independent,” self-sufficient and more career minded than marriage minded
  • promiscuity/fornication/sex before marriage

These lifestyle choices and sins lead away from God and away from God’s blessings and are red flags to godly men.

FOCUS ON BECOMING A GODLY WOMAN BECAUSE YOU LONG TO BE WHOLLY DEVOTED TO CHRIST

  • cherish your walk with Christ more than anything else
  • be humble before God and people
  • fear God
  • study and feast on the Bible
  • focus on healing from childhood wounds
  • find all your contentment in Christ
  • obey God’s Word because you love God
  • abide in Christ and seek to be Spirit filled
  • die to self and sin
  • it is ok to be more interested in becoming a godly wife than in having a high paying career.  You don’t have to agree with your parents that you must have a prestigious college degree with lots of student loan debt.
  • It is ok to want to be a housewife or to want to be home, joyfully caring for your husband and children.  Be sure that a man you court has this same dream if this is important to you.  Don’t spring it in him after you are pregnant.  Be sure you both are working toward the same goals.  It is important to talk about these things when you are engaged or after he talks about marriage.
  • allow your man to lead if you are in a relationship
  • only date men who are sincerely committed to Christ who want to obey His Word in everything – not that they are perfect, but that they desire to honor Christ and they repent when they sin
  • it is ok to marry young, if you are marrying a man who is devoted to Christ
  • cherish your femininity
  • be patient and willing to wait on God’s timing, not rushing or forcing things
  • be friendly
  • find a wise, godly mentoring woman/wife who practices biblical principles and is Spirit-filled
  • cherish godly masculinity
  • study about the ungodly messages and concepts of the world and avoid these ideologies (Radical Womanhood by Carolyn Mcculley)
  • learn what godly femininity is and how to become more feminine in a godly way
  • cherish your chastity, virginity and purity (ideally, save your body, heart, soul and mind for your husband.  If you have sinned sexually, repent and begin living a chaste life now.)
  • seek out responsible, trustworthy, gentle, patient, faithful, generous men of integrity, chastity and virtue.
  • seek fulfillment in life from relationships and possibly marriage and children more than career.  Many women are devastated when they realize that they spent their 20s working on a career and then it is difficult to find a husband in their 30s or 40s and their biological clock begins to run out.  Maybe we have things backwards in our culture today?  Maybe it would be wise to seek marriage first and a career later?  There is nothing wrong with going to college.  But if you go to college for an extended period of time until your late 20s or early 30s and then spend a few years focusing on your career, you may realize that a career is not nearly as fulfilling as being a wife and mother could have been.  Women are most fertile in their 20s and early 30s.  That is biology.  If being a godly wife and mom is important to you – maybe the career won’t be as important.  (Check out The Life Ready Woman – by Shaunti Feldhahn – to discover God’s priorities and design for you as a woman and to help determine the path you desire to take in this life.)
  • value a man’s Christlikeness and character over his looks, his clothes, his car or his current income.
  • learn how to draw out the hero in a man, how to use your feminine admiration and respect to build up godly men.
  • seek to understand and empathize with Christian men. (For Young Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn)
  • focus on developing your domestic skills.  Learn to cook well, to be frugal with money, to clean the house properly, to do laundry, to decorate, to bake and maybe even to sew or crochet or knit if that seems interesting to you.
  • dress in a modest, feminine, classy, graceful way that shows you respect God, your body, your sexuality and men.
  • wear your hair long if possible, it is your glory according to I Corinthians 11
  • use your words to build up, affirm, encourage, bless and heal, not to destroy
  • be interested in others
  • be gentle in your mannerisms and speech
  • learn what respect means to men
  • seek God’s will far above your own
  • be flexible
  • care about what is important to the godly men in your life
  • have godly girlfriends
  • let the love and joy and peace of Christ radiate on your face
  • take every thought captive for Christ – do not allow yourself to dwell on ungodly thoughts
  • develop a thankful heart in all circumstances
  • learn more about and trust in God’s sovereignty – this is the key to having His peace.  Develop a peaceful spirit that does what is right and does not give way to fear.
8 Responses “Avoiding Regrets – The Path to Having the Life You Will Want in the Future” →
  1. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be a full blown believer but I agree with many Christian philosophies once I decided to clear my head and really let some of the wisdom behind the words into my heart. Will a lot of women see my lack of prayer and things like that as me being a bad prospect? If god designs everyone without error for a specific reason then him designing me to be action oriented, living the faith through my choices rather than any label or title like many false Christians who use God’s name in vain and for their own gain, wouldn’t that make me a stronger believer than people such as that? I think god should be free to move through me however he sees fit right? That anything else would be blasphemy?

    Reply
    • Valor,

      Jesus is someone that you can’t really ride on the fence with. He says ““Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.” Matthew 12:30

      I totally understand it can take some time to read, study and make sure you understand what you are doing to commit to Him. He demands ALL that we are and ALL that we have. He gave everything for us – so that we could be made right with God. He offers us forgiveness for all of our sins for free. He can make it where we owe God NOTHING for our “billions of dollars worth” of sin debt. He has paid the full price if we will accept His gift. But then, He requires all of us in return. Not out of duty or drudgery, but we give all of ourselves to Him with great joy and thanksgiving, because we realize what a treasure He is.

      God commands women who are believers in Christ to only marry men who “belong to the Lord.” And He commands us not to be unequally yoked (I Corinthians 6 and 7).

      God doesn’t design things with error. But people chose to sin against God – Adam and Eve sinned by breaking the one commandment God gave them. They became sinners and the rest of us were born that way. Wretched sinners. In fact, God says that there is no one good, not even one. (Romans 3). And He says that all our attempts and holiness and living right look like “filthy, bloody menstrual rags” in His sight. Isaiah 64:6. Even when we try our best, our motives are full of sin. We are completely helpless and dependent on the blood of Christ to cleanse us and put our old sinful nature to death and give us a new heart, mind and soul. A new spiritual birth. John 3 (Jesus said, “You must be born again.”)

      God did design you! Most men are much more action oriented than anything else. That can be a wonderful thing!

      There are many false Christians and there are those who think they are following Christ but are actually living for self, not Christ. That is what I did for many years – and didn’t even realize it. But you could see form the fruit of my life – my worry, anxiety, fear, resentment, bitterness, control, etc… I was trusting SELF not Jesus. 😦

      Thankfully, if you are willing, Jesus can radically change you – just like He radically changed me!

      God is free to move through you however He sees fit. But He demands your reverence and respect.

      The picture of a godly marriage where the wife respects, trusts, honors and submits to her husband and the husband selflessly loves her, leads her and lays down his life for her is a picture of the relationship God desires to have with us!

      The husband represents Christ and the wife represents the church.

      What God wants from you is your full submission, your heart, your trust, all of your faith, all of yourself. He wants your reverence and awe. He wants you to acknowledge that His wisdom is much greater than yours and that you want Him to be in charge of your life and you understand His sovereignty over the universe. He wants a real relationship with you. That intimacy, connectedness, respect, admiration and trust that you would love for a godly woman to give you – that is the kind of relationship God desires to have with you.

      It is not a sexual relationship that God wants with us. The marriage picture is of the two becoming one flesh.

      What God desires to have with us is unity of Spirit. He wants us to be one Spirit. He wants His Spirit to live in you and to join with you to empower you, fill you and change you to make you more and more like Jesus to bring great glory and honor to Himself.

      You have to come to the holy, omnipotent, omnipresent, sovereign, loving, righteous, almighty God of the Bible (the only God there is) on His terms – with healthy fear, trembling, awe and reverence.

      When you are fully submitted to Christ, and you are walking in obedience – and you begin to mature in Him – you will become more and more ready to lead a godly woman and to become her protector, provider and head. 🙂

      Reply

  2. Mayra

    May 30, 2014

    I have strayed from God and needed some help with getting back on track. As a believer I was unsure what my duties were and looking back society’s expectations influenced me. To run into this article was just a great blessing because even though I am ashamed that most of the stuff mentioned here are things I wasn’t doing, now I can apply this to my life and start a new one that is centered on God. Thanks for the encouragement!

    Reply
    • Mayra,
      I’m so glad that God used this to bless you. I am THRILLED you are turning whole heartedly to Christ! WOOHOO!

      Reply

  3. Vanessa 28

    March 8, 2015

    I hope im not disrespecting your page by saying this but i need to vent

    The part where it says “you will regret it if you spend 20s 30s making a career instead of focusing on marriage and children etc…” Im kind of insulted because i have dreamed of becoming a wife ever since i was in my early teens. I will be 29 this october and absolutley nothing has happened. the last time i went on a date was mid 2007 when i was 20. I have been waiting patiently since and at the same time gained a career to support myself which i dont regret because if i didnt i would be struggling on welfare with no husband in sight either way.

    If you remember me from the other posts from other articles i have said no one ever pursues me yet i have to stand there and watch people i know who are Christian and nonChristian find long lasting relationships and get married whilst i get the idiots who think its funny to screw me over, use my body and belittle me. Ive been thru other abuse by these men too long to mention in this comment. And ive never had anything last longer than 3 months which is very embarrassing. I know the some of the most vilest repulsive bitchy women who have recently gotten married, and they are so-called christians. their husbands ADORE the ground they walk on, Yet i never get a second glance, and if i do attract someone (which is extremley rare) he ends up hurting me in some way. Maybe its because men have been conditioned by the media to be attracted to “bad” girls

    Growing up ive only been told to never chase a guy which is fair enough, but never had advice on how to be in relationships, what is involved and red flags etc. so ive never experienced a relationship or anything meaningful and its killing me to a point where its all i think about.

    Now its been 8 long years since ive had contact with a man and im still waiting. I want to be in a Godly relationship so bad, and since im rapidly approaching 30 with my fertility thrown out the window as this post told me, i wonder if it was worth thinking about in the first place. Its articles like this that make me wish i was someone else and i feel put down by what ive read. I have NEVER been single by choice. Ever.

    Sure women are told to wait, but men arent taught enough, if at all, to pursue. After all he who finds a wife finds a good thing right? And ok men are scared of rejection but all they need to do is brush it off grow a thick skin and carry on.

    Im not looking for sympathy, im searching for answers to why certain events happen to me and why other events are not happening.

    Reply
    • Vanessa 28,

      I do hope you know that you have the freedom to be friendly, smiling and talk to guys! I hope you are not just being quiet and staying off in a corner and waiting for guys to come to you. I don’t know what your approach is or your personality. But – it is important to smile, talk, and be friendly. And it is ok to go up to guys and make conversation.

      I hope that makes sense.

      I also don’t know what men are around you or how they are interacting with you – but I can absolutely hear your pain and frustration and my heart just hurts for you!

      I don’t want you to feel put down at all! The purpose of this post is to help us think through things before choosing a path that we might regret. Sometimes we have choices. Sometimes we don’t. If there isn’t a man in your life to marry, then you don’t have the choice to marry at this point and THAT IS OK!

      Not everyone will get married. And some people will marry in their 30’s, 40’s, or 50’s, maybe even later. That is ok, too!

      I am praying for you to be sensitive to what God is prompting for you to do at this time and stage in your life and that you might be sensitive to His leading. Things are a big mess in the Christian single’s scene right now. I wish that things were very, very different. I am praying for God to intervene and change the culture in the church. I think that it is just so confusing right now – much more than ever.

      Much love to you my precious girl! I am praying for you! I have many single women friends who are in their 30s and who are using their lives for God’s glory. Singleness is a gift and marriage is a gift. Each day is a gift. Thankfully, you can live for God and live life to the fullest right now while you are single! It is still totally possible to be in full submission to God and to be in the very center of His will. God is sovereign – and He is able to direct your paths for His greatest glory and your good. I don’t know God’s plans for you. And you don’t know them yet – but God knows them and He knows how to lead you each step of the way.

      Thanks for sharing how this post made you feel. I will prayerfully consider all that you said and see if I need to change things.

      Much love to you!

      Reply

  4. Jesse Brown

    May 5, 2015

    This article really made me think! But i have a few questions.
    1) is it ok to put homework in front of God time?
    2) is it ok to be friends with un believers?
    3) how often do you need to be in the word?

    If you could help me with these i would greatly appreciate it
    `~Jesse ~

    Reply
    • Jesse Brown,

      It is wonderful to meet you! Glad that this post made you think. 🙂

      These questions are really ones that you will need to answer for yourself after prayerfully seeking to honor God.

      1. If you are able to do homework first and leave time for God, that may work for you. The key is to make regular (daily whenever possible, in my view) time for God.

      2. We will all have some degree of contact and friendship with unbelievers, the goal being that we will shine and share Christ with them. I don’t think it is wise to have unbelievers as your closest friends, because they may influence you to drift from God. But how much time you spend wtih them and how much contact you have will be something to pray about as you seek to hear God’s voice clearly.

      3. The more you are in the Word, the more you will grow. I personally need about 1 hour or more per day of Bible reading and prayer time, preferably more. The less time I have with God, the more I tend to stumble and fall. But this will be something to prayerfully consider. Keep in mind the more time you spend with Him, the more you will benefit. It is kind of like asking, “how much time do I have to spend with my husband?” The more time I spend with him, the more I get to know him and connect with him.

      But ultimately, these will be issues for you to pray about and develop your own convictions about based on what you believe God desires you to at this time. 🙂

      Reply

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