What is Disrespectful to Guys?

This list can vary from man to man.  But here are some general ideas:

  • telling him what to do/how to do it/when to do it
  • having a critical spirit and constantly putting him down with criticism
  • acting holier-than-thou, thinking you are better than he is, more spiritual, etc.
  • jumping in to help if he didn’t ask you for help (can be seen as insulting)
  • asking “why?”  “Why would you do it THAT way?”  (implies you think he is incompetent or stupid)
  • putting him down in front of other people, or behind his back
  • joking at his expense
  • complaining about something he spent time and effort doing for you
  • demanding he do something
  • body language like rolling your eyes, sighing, huffing, hands on hips, fingers tapping, throwing your hands up in the air  – like you think he is an idiot
  • using an angry mother tone of voice
  • scolding him
  • verbally attacking him
  • not dropping an issue – continuing to pressure him and push him and not letting something go that he doesn’t want to talk about right then
  • expecting him to talk RIGHT NOW about some very important issue (some men need a bit of time to think before they are ready to talk)
  • bringing up past sins of his that you had forgiven already
  • comparing him to other men
  • flirting with other men when you are in a committed relationship with him
  • thinking that your feeling loved is more important than his feeling respected
  • thinking that you are “always right” and therefore he is “always wrong”
  • yelling, throwing things, cussing, hitting  (this stuff is EXTREME disrespect – do NOT go there!)
  • labeling his weaknesses and sins as much worse than yours – thinking you are morally superior to him
  • making a really small issue more important than the relationship
  • correcting him
  • taking over and trying to force him to do things
  • texting/calling him constantly
  • interrogating him
  • acting suspicious and spying on him
  • assuming the worst about him
  • caring only about  your feelings and not about what is important to him and how he feels
  • seeing him only as something to be used instead of a real person with real feelings to be loved and admired
  • putting him before God in your heart (idolizing him)
  • trying to change him
  • acting like being a guy is wrong instead of just different
  • answering for him
  • apologizing and then saying, “BUT if you had done X…”  (that negated the apology!)
  • idolizing him and expecting him to be 100% responsible for your happiness instead of finding your own joy and contentment fully in Christ
  • being a black hole of unending neediness and insecurity
  • acting like he can’t handle something and is incompetent, incapable, irresponsible, etc.

This is not an exhaustive list –  gentlemen, would you like to add anything else?

Here’s a little secret about men, ladies!

They don’t do a lot of wonderful things for people when they feel disrespected.  If a man is feeling disrespected, he is not going to care about your feelings very much – or about what you want.  If you want him to care about your feelings, treat him with respect.  Then he will respect you and be able to care about your feelings and desires.

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33 Responses “What is Disrespectful to Guys?” →
  1. Peaceful…….this is great. Also ladies, just following the Golden Rule, even with fellow brothers in your church. Even if you are not “into” them or they are married or dating another woman. Just treating them with a basic respect. This subtle form of encouragement goes MILES with men. It show us that you see what we do, and you notice. You don’t even have to go out of your way, but when you see a guy in your church who loves Jesus, and is doing his part…..a polite thanks, a smile gose really far. This form of encouragement makes a man of God want to do more for the church, to help you in your walk with Christ, and it will also help him if he is shy around women.

    Following Jesus, and belonging to a community of faith is supposed to do this. We become a real church family, and when we can encourage, gently rebuke, grow, trust, learn, and teach each other it makes Christ so happy.

    Peaceful……I know this is a blog for women, but I really find your posts some of the most positive, and insightful I have ever seen on the Internet. Prayers for your husband and you, and your children.

    Reply
    • Jason,

      I appreciate your insights and wisdom greatly. Your comments add a lot to the blog and help us as women to understand our Christian brothers’ hearts.

      I like your suggestions here about basic respect and gratitude towards men in the church. I love your description of a community of faith – exactly. That is my prayer for God’s church around the world.

      I pray that God will use me to speak to whomever He desires. I am working on a book for wives. Praying that God alone might speak – that it would be all Him and not me! One day, I long to minister to wives instead of being a pharmacist. I have just lost almost all of my hours at my job this week. I am excited to see what doors God might open. I would love to write a book for single women, too.

      I surrender myself fully to God and desire Him to use me however He wants to for His glory.

      I also love my Christian brothers and desire to encourage them – but I want to be so careful not to overstep scripture.

      If there are specific things you believe would be most encouraging to my brothers, please say the word and I will prayerfully consider it.

      In Christ

      Reply
  2. These issues go both ways too. All of these things would be very disrespectful if a man treated a woman in these ways too.

    Reply

  3. Carlie Hayward

    October 4, 2013

    I find it really hard to swallow all these things you say ladies should and or shouldn’t do to their husbands.

    What if you have tried all these things and continue to try all these things and still you are treated unfairly by your husband.

    Are there any lists that they as husbands read and work on? Or is that only for the women?

    I tried to do all these things that a good wife should do and still it’s one sided. I eventually give up and have relapses and get upset at my husband!! You know what happens when I won’t back down and let him run all over me? He puts his hands on me, pushes me around. Yells, swears and threatenes me, and this is while I’m pregnant.

    So yeh, it’s really hard for me to do what a good wife should do for her husband now. I’m hurt because all we have is each other. No friends or family around. All I have is him and our kids.

    Reply
    • Carlie,

      I have another blog for wives http://www.peacefulwife.com

      BUT – I OFTEN talk about that if a husband is being physically violent, or is addicted to drugs/alcohol, or has an uncontrolled mental condition – that goes way beyond the scope of what I am writing about.

      Respect sometimes can help in such situations. But you cannot “fix” his violent temper. He is responsible for that. You may not be safe right now.

      Of course there are lists of things husbands should work on – but you cannot make him do any of that. My husband has a blog for men http://www.respectedhusband.wordpress.com.

      Are you safe? How severe has the violence gotten?

      Is there a godly pastor or Christian counselor you trust that you can talk to?

      What was his parents’ marriage like?

      Is there any history of abuse?

      What was your parents’ marriage like?

      Do either of you have a relationship with Christ?
      I am praying for you!!!!

      With love,
      April

      Reply
    • Carlie:

      Here is a list of things that men can work on:

      http://ninaroesner.com/101-things-a-husband-can-do-to-show-love-to-his-wife/

      I am studying this list and learning it, so that one day, when God brings someone into my life, I will be a spectacular husband. I was pretty good in my first marriage, but pretty good is not good enough for me.

      Jim

      Reply
  4. Hello
    I just found your page and i love it. I was in a bad relationship and we broke up after three years because we were arguing a lot. We were both very stubborn. Now i’m working on myself because i don’t blame him for this, we are both like that.
    I was really shoked when i red this because i find myself in almost every sentence of what is disrespectful to guys. I’m ashamed and want to change. I’ve met a nice guy a month ago and we’re just chatting for now, but i like him in a different way 🙂
    He’s a really nice and good guy, but i’m affraid that i’ll ruin my chances with my stubbornness and bad manners :/
    Do you have any words of wisdom for me how can i control my situation?
    Love, Claire

    Reply
    • I have a lot of posts about how to allow the guy to lead and how to not take control and how to show respect in a way that is meaningful to men. )

      Check out the post at the top of my home page about respect.

      And you can look at the PSG archives and find LOTS of other posts that will help. 🙂

      Let me know if you have any questions!

      I also have a Youtube channel “April Cassidy” with videos about these topics. 🙂

      Reply

  5. Sad girl

    November 4, 2014

    I have a big problem,
    I have totally disrespected my ex fiance. I broke up with him Friday for the 100th time and he said he is tired of the back and forward emotions that I continue to have. One minute waiting to stay with him the next leaving. We had a long distance relationship and I was supposed to move there with him years ago but I kept putting it off due to fear. Also we were to be married like 3 times but I called it off because it was not to my liking. Now he called off the wedding and said he wanted to take us slow but I did not want to do that so I broke up with him again. and tired to get back with him but he says it best that we are not together. what should I do? He continues to call but is he trying to be friends if so I dont want that so should I just stop answering?

    Reply
    • Sad Girl,

      What a painful mess. 😦 My heart breaks for you both.

      If you are serious about how often you have broken up with him – I would love you to just get away by yourself with God for awhile and allow God to heal your heart before you attempt a relationship again.
      What is your relationship with Christ, my precious girl?

      Thank him for wanting to be friends. Let him know you have a lot of healing you need to do that probably doesn’t have anything to do with him.

      What is your fear about?

      Much love!

      Reply
      • April, shy is sad girl. I didn’t want put my name at first. Yes I have broken up with him many times. How do I get away with Good when I’m so worried. ?

      • I told him it would be best if he doesn’t want the relationship that he should not contact me. I can not handle a friendship with him. I am a mess. Smh

      • Shy,

        What are you praying to God right now? How are you seeking Him? How are you turning to Him for healing and hope?

        What do you believe God desires for you?

        Have you read The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee?

        Much love!

  6. I’m praying to be content with every situation. I pray my ex comes back. I’m for quick healing from this break up. To be cLoser to GOD.

    I don’t know what he wants me to do.

    I received that book but can you post a picture so I can make sure it’s the right book? I received it from the free book website. I Don’t think it’s the right book.

    Reply
  7. If a man is friends with a woman but not attracted to her, do you think he should be up front about that from the beginning?

    Reply
    • Money a,
      I am assuming you are describing a situation where the woman is attracted to the man? If he knows that, it would be helpful, although painful, if he would make sure to be clear about his intentions. But, I would imagine that many men would avoid doing this out of a desire not to hurt the woman’s feelings.

      Reply
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