What Speaks Respect to Guys?

Men need respect in romantic relationships like women need love.  Most men would rather feel respected and alone/unloved – than feel loved and disrespected.  Did you know that!??!?!  I know that seems so bizarre to our feminine ears.  But if we want to understand men – if we want to be able to have strong relationships with them – in any setting – we must understand their masculine world of respect.

Whether you are dealing with your dad, your brother, your boss, your male co-worker, a male customer, a teen-age boy or your boyfriend – MEN OPERATE IN THE REALM OF RESPECT.

There are all these unwritten expectations, rules and codes of conduct in a man’s world.  Most women aren’t aware of this world at all anymore.  Our culture has erased it from our collective memory.  But men haven’t forgotten.  This is how God made them – to need respect.   So it is DEFINITELY worth our time and effort to learn to speak this new language.

WHY RESPECT?

God designed marriage to represent Christ and His intimate relationship, His One Spirit relationship with the church.  (Ephesians 5:22-33)  The husband is supposed to portray the love, selflessness, sacrifice, and godly leadership of Christ.  The wife is supposed to portray the respect, reverence, adoration, joyful cooperation, submission and gratitude of the church.  God’s greatest purpose in marriage is to display this profound mystery.

Men are hardwired to respond to respect.  That is why the “admiring secretary” often ends up with her boss – even if he’s married, unfortunately.  Men go where they feel respected, admired, valuable, powerful and like they are seen as “winners.”  And men do NOT like to be where they feel like failures – where they are criticized, condemned, ridiculed, ordered around, made fun of, scolded, yelled at, mocked, and made to feel incompetent.  

LADIES – THIS PIECE OF INFORMATION IS EXTREMELY VALUABLE IN YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS!  IF YOU CAN TRULY GRASP WHAT I JUST TOLD YOU – YOU WILL UNDERSTAND MEN AT THEIR CORE!  And you will know what they want, what motivates them, why they behave the way they do, how to inspire them, how to meet their needs.

 

WHAT IF HE SINS AGAINST ME?  I CAN’T RESPECT SIN!

God never calls us to respect sin.  But we can find things that we can respect.  And we can act respectfully.

A man, or anyone else, can’t MAKE me sin against him.  He can’t MAKE me disrespect him!  If I react with disrespect – it is because that is what is in my heart!  The time I am most tempted to sin is when I am sinned against (Gary Thomas – Sacred Influence).  If my sin nature is in control – I will respond to sin against me with hatred, contempt, bitterness, unforgiveness, rage, screaming, name-calling, gossip and I will try to hurt the other person and tear them apart.  It has nothing to do with the other person – and everything to do with me.  If I have God’s Spirit in control of my soul – I will respond even to sin with the fruit of His Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.

My disrespect reveals my carnal heart.  It reveals how much I trust, respect and submit myself to Christ.  It is a very accurate indicator of the level of my spiritual maturity in Christ.

Even if a man sins against you – if you can respond without sinning in return, and respectfully, gently address his sin and offer grace – you are so much more likely for him to repent and become a better man than if you flip out, scream, yell, throw things, make threats, cuss him out, call him names, tell everyone on FB what a jerk he is, talk about him to everyone you both know…  Reacting with disrespect – even if he sinned against you – can put the nail in the coffin of the relationship.  You be the more mature one.  You respond in the power of God and treat Him in a way that honors Christ EVEN WHEN he sins against you.

That doesn’t mean you ignore his sin.  You may have to confront him – but do it carefully, humbly, respectfully and make sure you take care of the log in your own eye before you talk about your man’s sin.

That way – you aren’t causing even more catastrophic damage by adding more sin of your own on top of his sin.  Jesus commands us to repay evil with good and cursing with blessing.  We are to respond to the sin of others in a godly way – with kindness, prayer, gentleness, love and respect!

WHAT DOES RESPECT LOOK LIKE TO MEN?

This list will vary somewhat from individual to individual.  Gentlemen, you are welcome to comment!  But here are some general ideas to get you started of how to show respect for your man (THIS is how he feels most loved and attracted to you):

  • tell him things you admire about him sometimes (just a sentence or two several times a week maybe – men don’t like tons of words usually like we do)
  • praise him when you like what he does or the way he does something
  • look at him with genuine adoration and faith in your eyes – that is intoxicating to him!
  • accept him as he is, don’t try to change him
  • let him make his own decisions – don’t try to FORCE him into what you want
  • ask him politely for what you want, with a pleasant tone of voice and a smile – and graciously accept whatever his answer is.  You don’t control him.
  • be responsible for your own emotional well-being and find your joy in Christ primarily.  Don’t make an idol out of your man, or the idea of a relationship, romance or marriage.
  • listen to him and be interested in what he has to say, stop what you are doing and really pay attention
  • don’t interrupt him
  • speak well of him to everyone – in front of him AND behind his back
  • dress femininely and modestly – it speaks volumes about your respect for God, your appreciation of your own gift of femininity, your respect for yourself, your respect for your sexuality/purity and your respect for men and their visual temptations.
  • speak well of his family to everyone
  • give him grace to be human
  • don’t expect your relationship to be like a Hollywood movie – have realistic expectations, understand that he is a man, and appreciate that it is good that he is a man and not a woman.
  • tell him how handsome he is
  • tell him how proud you are of him
  • don’t try to figure out his problems for him – express your faith in him that you know HE will be able to figure them out and do a great job
  • don’t rush the relationship, don’t try to force him beyond what he is emotionally ready to commit to
  • appreciate that his time table on some things may be slower than yours – not wrong – but different
  • realize that he has wisdom to offer you and a new masculine perspective that just might make your world a better place
  • take his advice sometimes
  • accept his spiritual leadership style and don’t try to force him to lead the way you want him to
  • appreciate anything he gives to you or does for you – be grateful, smile and show him that you don’t take him for granted
  • smile a lot – genuinely
  • enjoy him
  • stay in the moment, don’t rush ahead to the future and try to have everything all planned out – trust God to take care of that stuff
  • don’t criticize his prayers or his relationship with God
  • don’t try to drag him to God – let him hear God’s voice for himself
50 Responses “What Speaks Respect to Guys?” →
  1. Hey there! I just recently discovered your blog and while I love the whole thing this article is my favourite for now! I realized that with me being cheeky and lippy I am sometimes showing guys disrespect and I am really thanking God for pointing out your blog to me so that I can learn from it for the future!
    Xx Paula

    Reply
    • Paula,

      It is a pleasure to meet you! Yes – it can be a bit shocking at first for us as women to realize the things that can hurt our men. I’m glad that this was helpful for you! 🙂 Let me know how you are doing!

      Reply

  2. nokuphila

    November 14, 2013

    thank you,for your insight i pray to God that may i apply this things in my life because im lacking lots of them i cant even live in the moment,im always worried about the future i cant even wait upon the Lord. oh im such a mess,can you please pray for me as well not to rush things but to learn to wait upon the Lord.

    Reply

  3. nokuphila

    November 15, 2013

    thanks for your prayers and a lot has happened in my life but when i look back at it,i can see it has helped me coz it pushed me to search and google about respect and i found your blog which helped a lot and it was not about respect alone it helped me to see that relationships were an idol to me,and i had left the Lord so far and rushing and running alone looking for fulfillment in relationships,for each an every relationship Ive been involved in i have started i with wrong motives,i would share some of my stories when i feel ready because now i just want to wait until the Lord guide me on how to do it.

    Reply
    • nokuphila,

      So many of us as women do this same thing! We don’t even realize that we have idols. I sure didn’t. I am so glad God is showing you these things now. If you need to talk, I am here! 🙂

      Reply
  4. I could read this over and over….and see something new every time! Truly helpful!

    Reply
  5. Eye opener for me I felt like God took me to this sight because in the past I was interested in men that was not perusing me or available and I was the one who was always chasing. I surrender my disobedient self to God he sent me someone that I am highly attracted to and he is attracted to me. He may not come in all the package I wanted in a Godly man but he does admire man and adore me also love me unconditionally even though we’re just dating..one thing I am learning from him is confidence and understanding and God is teaching me grace. in the past a lot of the men I perused caused me to be disrespect towards them because they didn’t respect me when I showed no signs of disrespect I was just perusing them and chasing them around. But now that im dating someone getting to know this person that is perusing me its nerve wrecking at first But I had to ask God how to deal with me because he is very ”free spirited” lol but I heard one time from God ”grace” I used to be very clingy in the past and knew nothing about the fact that men cherish and value their freedom lol. Now that I am being perused by a man I’m learning to respect him to gain favor from God..God knows me inside and out and what he desires for me when it comes to a man when it came I was shocked cause somethings I lacked in my self started to show but with the guy its like he cleans it up with his love and adoration for me. respect is something I’m learning to gain favor from God. he is very young but I am attracted to him and he is attracted to him plus he is mature for his age self control is where this lack because I get wayyyyy too excited when something good finally comes my way lol, its like I’m a bolt sprouting about. but respect is what I’m learning he deserves it because he treats me with the highest respect above all woman. please keep me in your prayers and I have one question I have never dated anyone before that peruses me so is their anything I should know and how I should act during the early stages of dating??

    Reply
    • Tiny,

      It is great to meet you!

      I think you will find it works much better when you aren’t pursuing the man, but he is pursuing you. 🙂 Allow him to lead. Allow him to say “I love you first.” Allow him to kiss you first. Allow him to pay for dates if he would like to and graciously accept his generosity. Please don’t dictate to him what to do or make demands. You can make requests and suggestions instead.

      Remember that the more controlling you are, the more you will repel a man. Being vulnerable and sharing your feelings in an honest, but respectful way without blaming or attacking him is a much better approach.

      Please do not push or rush him. Be patient. Go slowly. Seek God first and find all of your contentment and peace and joy in God alone, not in a man.

      Trust God’s sovereignty. Don’t live in fear, worry and anxiety. Live in the peace and joy of God.

      I will be having some posts later this week that may be helpful. And you can look through the PSG archives as well for LOTS of posts on this topic!

      Much love to you!

      Reply
      • omggggg thank you soooo much its like you discerned me just by reading my post yes..exactly what I am doing learning to take it easy..one thing I want to know is we spend time with each other in church outings but we don’t speak on the phone much. I kind of like it like that because that is how I easily get clingy and create soul ties in my heart so I’m thankful but while im not talking to him or around him what are some things I should pray about? I pray for him every day but I’m losing things of what to pray for  lol any suggestion? he is young and I want him to feel like a man so far I have been doing that the more he feels like a man the more he takes initiative of that role. But what are some things I can pray for? and is it a good Idea to fast before becoming official in a relationship??

      • Tiny,

        You can look through my PSG archives at the top of my home page – every Thursday, usually, is a prayer day. There are lots of ways to pray for yourself and your man here.

        It’s always a wonderful idea to fast to seek God’s direction and His will and wisdom about decisions, in my view. 🙂

        Yes, enjoy each day. Don’t rush. Don’t zoom ahead in your mind but just allow God to lead you and let your man lead instead of you telling him what to do and when. 🙂

      • And yes I was very controlling in the past and lost men in my life due to that plus I lacked self control but its getting better now since I’m trying to learn from my mistakes to not blow it lol. geesh self control in the early stages of dating is soooo hard it drives me nuts but I will try to not worry and keep my self in peace and let everything unfold it self!! easier said than done lol


  6. soscoly

    April 12, 2014

    Wow! This is really amazing. Peaceful wife, wooow, some of the prayer articles had me in tears today! What i love most about this blog is the centrality oF GOD, JESUS AND THE HOLYSPIRIT! That’s first and everything else is secondary. Im sooooo blessed to have found this blog, this is straight up insight from the Word, the wisdom here, you will never learn in school no matter how much you pay. I pray that God will continue to teach you, and bless you greatly. Thank You for letting God use you enrich many lives. I was reading one of the articles on idols, how can i make not living up to the expectations of being a Godly wife an idol?… So im learning all this great stuff but then its like woow there’s so many of them and if i notice that i’ve messed up i start freaking out.

    Reply
    • Soscoly,
      It is wonderful to meet you! How I WISH I had had this information 20+ years ago before I got married. You are right, I didn’t learn these things in school or church. I wish I did! It is very easy to make so many things more important to us than Jesus if we are not careful. Becoming a godly wife can absolutely become an idol. That was very insightful of you to realize that!

      If you realize you have sinned – thankfully – we have Jesus! His blood is more than able to cover our sin. We can confess our sins, and He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9). Then we can forgive ourselves because we are certainly not above the holy God of the universe! If He is satisfied with Jesus’ blood cleansing us – we can accept our forgiveness, too. We can ask His Spirit to fill us and we can ask for Him to empower us to live as He desires us to and to walk in obedience and victory and He is able and more than willing to do that and to teach us His wisdom and His ways. 🙂

      I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you! 🙂

      Reply
      • Soscoly,
        Oh! It is my goal that God, Jesus, His Word and His Spirit be central – so praise God that you are able to see that! That is always my prayer and aim. 🙂

  7. Hi your posts are awesome!! I am going through relationship troubles, actually a moment of silence!! My ex/boyfriend and I are on a break right now. He seems to think I am disrespectful to him with other men, I’m talking about clean conversation, nothing more, if I tell him something about another man, I’m being disrespectful, if I say too much to another man in front of him, I’m disrespectful ugh!! what gives???? When we go out together, my attention is always directed towards him, so he’s talking about the attention another man gets for less than 30 seconds (not much convo),we have lots of fun together and we were looking at houses recently and talking marriage. We’ve known each other for the last 7 years and have been committed for the last 3 but, when that guy thing surfaces he always blows up ( past incidents), then sudden silence. This last incident was really bad because I confronted him in an inquisitive way about a rumor a “guy” told me about “my man” (this guy was a customer at my job, I only see him once every couple of months) he stated he knew my man, saying that he was a cheater!! He really didn’t have enough detail but, because of my past, I was vulnerable! I confronted my boyfriend and he blew up!! Assumed I was messing around with this guy and all kinds of illusions! He kept saying ” I can’t keep going through this with you” That made me feel rejected, the house the marriage, everything!! I felt like he gave up on “us” so, I told him maybe I needed to check myself, maybe I’m not where God needs me to be, I would never want my boyfriend to feel unloved or disrespected and expect him to provide for me as a husband without having worked on myself a bit more. So I gave him a break, a day later he called, I didn’t get to my phone until an hour later, and by then he had already text me saying “Wow… is this how you fight for me by not calling or answering? Thank you for everything” ! He has been ignoring me since and I really do love and care about him but, I don’t want to cause unnecessary insecurities in our relationship so I can see what I need to work on. I thought I was being respectful by giving him space, I don’t want him to feel like he’s settling for me!!! I’m also confused as to know if this behavior stems from jealousy? I think so highly of him, and want no other but, he seems to think otherwise. When he called I thought maybe he wants to work this out together but, since I have made my attempts to contact him, he says nothing in return!! do I need to be patient (no contact)so that maybe we can talk this out and work on “us” together or do I need to assume he has made up his mind?!! I have been asking God for peace and acceptance but, I don’t understand why the sudden contact, then silence, why make plans then flop! He says he really cares about me and he wants to get married but, when he goes silent, I just don’t get him. We are both working on being more Christ like, he is new to it though!!! I need advice!!

    Reply
    • Nicely,
      I believe you will need some godly advice from someone you trust, ideally a godly parent or minister who knows you both.
      Some guys blow up over things that are nothing. That is a red flag. If he is that suspicious and jealous, you need to proceed with caution.

      You may not be doing anything wrong. I can’t tell from here.

      I encourage you to seek godly, wise, biblical counsel alone or together, so you can be more clear on the real issues here before you commit to marriage.

      Marriage to a very controlling, jealous man is difficult.

      Is it just a matter of misunderstanding each other? Maybe.
      Praying for you to seek God, His will and His wisdom.

      Reply

  8. Natina Mack

    June 25, 2014

    God lead me to this site because I wanted to find out how to show interest without feeling like I was pursuing this particular gentlemen at my church. He is truly a Godly man that has had several failed relationships in the past because of his fear of love, and because he dishonored is vows to the Lord with his ex-wife…he cheated several times. He has since been delivered of being afraid he will hurt another woman again, and that God has given him a second chance to honor God and marriage again…here is where I come in the picture…this gentlemen has approached me several times and I didn’t realize it because I had my own fear factor from past hurt, abandonment, rejection, & disappointment from my first love which is my earthly father. It caused me to make decisions in my past relationships not to get too close or open my heart to receive love or give it…so Inclosed myself to those healthy possibilities. Whenever a man managed to get past that space I would shut them down and out. So for a whole year I was in complete denial of my feelings towards this man and denied that God has sent him in my life. Until complete restoration and healing came in my life just 3 months ago. But, before then…so let’s just say I reacted rather mean towards him and aggressive. Although, we are not at the point of dating yet ( We have both shared that we are not ready because God is healing our past). My spiritual family and natural family have been telling me since last year to at least show him your interested but I thought that was considered pursuing him and instead I would disrespect him by dismissing and ignoring him and in turn he would do the same…but thanks be unto God directing me to research and found this site…forgive me Lord…now I want to learn to be more softer, tender (I never had a problem smiling that comes natural), but more genuinely without feeling awkward. Besides he’s mentioned to my sister the woman he asks on a date will be his future wife…gold figure! Please continue praying with me that I first honor, obey, and love the Lord with everything in me, and that I will continue the process of my deliverance of not being afraid to love. Oh and my earthly father and I are doing wonderful…I shared how I felt from the past and he asked for forgiveness…Thanks so much again and may God continue to bless you in your destiny & journey in helping us to continue seeking God….

    Reply

  9. chika Nwozor

    August 6, 2014

    I read your post and I must they are all hepful and useful to me especially now in my marriage. I hope I could be reading more useful tips from your site in the future. Thanks so much!

    Reply
  10. I know respect is so vital, and I had to learn the hard way! Instead of respecting the Godly man in authority in my life I turned to someone else who was under authority himself. After hurting and disrespecting so many people, The Lord used my man in authority, my Dad and my Pastor, to discipline me, and through that spiritual discipline my eyes started to be opened to my sin and lack of respect for authority. Now, almost a year later, my relationship with my Dad is still having to undergo the painful process of healing. Thank The Lord he has done wonders, but every day, every time my Dad asks me to do something, the struggle is still there and the fight is so much harder because I made it such a habit during that time in my life. After five years of disrespect it is hard to retrain yourself to honor and respect your authority. God is giving me the strength and I know I’m living in his will know, but I do wish I had never crossed the threshold outside of my authority for one day!

    Reply
    • Maria,

      Thank you so much for sharing! Yes, having years of disrespect is a difficult habit to break. But, thankfully, God is able to teach us if we are willing to submit to Him! I am so glad that you are working through this and seeking to honor God and those in authority in your life now. That is wonderful!!!!!!!!! Praise God!

      Reply

  11. cynthia

    October 1, 2014

    I just sent you a mail.please reply.thanks

    Reply
    • Cynthia,

      My apologies! I have had to stop individual emails in the past 10 months or so because I was getting so many – it would take me about 12 hours per day to try to read and respond to them all.

      I did read what you sent me. Thank you. 🙂 It’s wonderful to meet you.

      What is your relationship with Christ?

      What is this man’s relationship with Christ?

      Much love to you!

      Reply
  12. Great, great, great. I wish I had read it bfr. It is so much true. I’m in my late 40s (yes,it is always time for learning), and met this man a yr ago. At the begging, immediate chemistry,but bcs he was coming from a troublesome. divorce process, I tried to push, nothing happened. One yr after, I don’t know if we’ll ever be together, but respect, patience, and everything else you mentioned enabled for the first step:a relationship with sollid foundation – friendship, admiration, respect. God will say what comes next.

    Reply
    • Gloria,

      I know I sure wish I could have known this stuff 20+ years ago. Sure would have been helpful!!!! I am glad you found it now. And I am glad this is a blessing to you. 🙂

      Reply

  13. Liberty

    October 7, 2014

    I just started reading your blog yesterday and am already putting it into action. My betrothed (who just turned 40) made a comment last night about how either the lights were too dim, or he needed his glasses. I smiled and replied, “I’m sure it’s the lights.” he looked down at what he was doing and smiled and quietly said, “thanks for that.” I was thrilled! I had no idea how these little things, such as teasing someone for getting older, means so much. Thank you so much for all your time and effort compiling and posting this information. May God continue to bless you and your family!!

    Reply
    • Liberty,
      That is so sweet!!!!! Aw!! Thank you so much for sharing. 🙂 I can’t wait to hear all that God has in store for you both!

      Reply
  14. I wonder is asking a man about his past relationships and how it ended disrespectful and or send serving?

    Reply

  15. Ngozi

    May 21, 2015

    Hello Peaceful wife. I prayed for God to lead me to some godly council and I found your blog twice! God is really using you to give me a new perspective on godly femininity. God has made me a strong, articulate, and intelligent woman and these have been such amazing traits for my profession, but make me a very difficult person to get along with in personal relationships. I also am a strong advocate for women’s rights and opportunities, but I am slowly realizing that I have absorbed too much of the worlds methods to confront this very real issue. My good friend has recently become my very godly and wise boyfriend. I think I have been too hard on him regarding this issue of patriarchy. I also have disrespected him and yelled at him multiple times–He recently said I have an anger problem. I also was very pushy in the beginning regarding marriage. (Sheesh! Thank God that He can work all things out for our good.) On one hand, I am very happy that God has used him as a mirror so that I can see all the ungodly characteristics I possess. On the other hand, I am so saddened by the way that I have treated him– He is my brother in Christ after all. Also, I am only now realizing how wise and honorable he is and I would truly be happy to be his wife.

    Your blog has taught me that I first need to seek God more seriously. I need to learn how to love Him and then myself. I’m so thankful that God is so patient and kind with me and that I have the opportunity to learn and pray for specific changes and understanding. Regarding my boyfriend. I pray its not too late for us, but I think our relationship should a backseat in my mind and in my life right now–I’ve put it first and thats why I have not been able to enjoy it. Let Gods will be done. May God bless you and your family. May He continue to use you as an example of grace and wisdom. Amen.

    Reply
    • Ngozi,

      It is such a pleasure to meet you, my dear sister! 🙂

      I can relate to your personality and the being a strong, articulate, and intelligent woman. Those things serve me well in pharmacy – but some of my personality traits and beliefs about femininity, masculinity, and marriage were toxic to my husband and my marriage for many years.

      I’m so glad that you have a very godly and wise boyfriend. How wonderful!!!!!

      I would love to encourage you to check out the free download at http://www.cbmw.org/resources/ – Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. There are some very important chapters there, by different authors, that confront evangelical feminism. It is edited by Wayne Grudem (general editor of the ESV version of the Bible) and John Piper.

      Another book that would be extremely helpful – but is not free – is Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley. She was a feminist who went through women’s studies in college and became a Christian. She goes through the history of feminism in a really eye opening way. Helped me to see exactly what I had absorbed from the culture and where each idea came from, and she presents the truth of God’s Word about femininity. Powerful book!

      I’m glad to see that your man is lovingly addressing your sin, not ignoring it. That is one sign of a godly leader! I am sure you are sad to see how you have treated him. I know I was when God opened my eyes to my years of disrespect and control in our marriage – broke my heart! And YES! God can work all things for good! Now, He uses my 14+ years of sin, control, and disrespect to reach thousands of women around the world for Christ. God is so very good!

      I am so thankful that God is speaking to you through my blog. What an incredible answer to prayer! I love your heart and where you are right now and your humility and desire to learn and grow. I know that God will honor that spirit and your desire to put Him first!

      I’m right here if you want to talk about anything. Praying for God to continue the good work He has begun in you – and I know He will!

      Reply
  16. hi,

    You know I read this article and yes ALL of it hit a home run in my heart and head.
    Being a woman is quite difficult because it seems as if men can behave any which way that they like and woman just need to be calm about it.
    Men and women are indeed very different but both are equally HUMAN.

    My partner of two years cannot keep a job and has a problem staying sober…how can I be anything but mad at him?
    He has now left with no communication. this is how I stumbled across your blog.
    After reading it I somehow felt bad and guilty as if I was the entire reason for his exit.

    Surely this is somewhat incorrect, as I believe that every person should be responsible for their own actions.
    Your blog above paints a picture that men are superior to women and that no matter what a man does a woman just needs to supress her emotions of being angry, mad and feeling let down.

    Anyways it was a good read…I just dont like being the woman in this situation as it seems as if there’s too much to deal with – dealing with my emotions as well as his so that he doesn’t “break”.

    Regards,
    Miss J

    Reply
    • Ms J,

      We are each responsible for ourselves, how we act, how we treat others, and how we respond. I don’t write for men, but if I did, I could write very similar things for them because God has a whole Bible that applies to all of us. I am not sure what your relationship is with Christ, but, in Him, we have the power not to respond in hurtful ways no matter what others do to us. I think, however, that maybe you believe if you respect your guy that you have to disrespect yourself. That is not true at all! Please search my home page for “ways to respect myself” – as well as “red flags.” If a guy can’t stay sober – that is a really big red flag, for example. A deal breaker. God doesn’t call us to respect sin, or to take abuse. If a guy has an active addiction, that is not going to work. Does that make sense? Much love to you!

      Reply
      • hi,

        Yes! it makes sense.
        You are correct in saying that we are each responsible for ourselves… that cannot be argued.
        My relationship with Christ is distant…I am working on it. I have always known in my heart that the relationship that I was in was not Godly…but I continued in it because it was much easier than facing the truth and setting things right. Nothing ever seems to work out relationship wise.. I am a victim of abuse and I am an emotional wreck with a face that says I have everything under control.
        I am eager to read about “red flags” – perhaps I will learn a few things.
        God has a lot of work to be done on me…I know that for sure. I just have to genuinely make myself available to him.
        Thank you for your reply and your wisdom.

        All the best to you.

        Miss J

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Let's bless, encourage, honor, and exhort each other in this place.

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