I welcome everyone – men and women, singles and marrieds and people of all faiths – to my blog. My primary purpose is to share the hope, truth, love, mercy, grace and light of Christ through sharing God’s wisdom from the Bible with women who are hurting.
My husband has asked me to focus on the women who want to learn and who are interested in hearing what God’s Word has to say. So, those are the comments that will receive priority. My husband has also asked me not to approve comments that are “manospherian.” I seek to honor my husband’s request as I moderate on both of my blogs. Generally, I only approve women’s comments on this blog at this time. However, on specific posts, sometimes I do invite the gentlemen to comment and share their masculine perspectives. If the comments are edifying and respectful to women, I am happy to approve them.
I don’t mind people disagreeing with me. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. However, I do expect people to speak respectfully here toward me and toward others.
Comments that are hateful, disrespectful, vicious, malicious, purposely divisive, contain vulgar or foul language or are attacking toward me or other commenters will not be approved.
Comments with genuine heartbreak, concerns, questions and ideas and comments that are constructive and edifying will be approved.
Thanks so much for your understanding and for treating one another with great respect. I want this to be a place that is encouraging, edifying, positive, pleasant, honoring to God, honoring to marriage, honoring to women, honoring to men and full of the love, mercy and grace of Christ and the truth of His Word.
Peaceful Single Girl 
Lisa
September 6, 2014
Hi… just needing some Godly perspective from some Christian ladies. I’ve posted before about my dilemma. I am heartbroken. Yet again. The man I love who broke things off with me after a year of dating (cold feet/not ready/not healed from divorce, etc.) had come back into my life. It has been a YEAR again. However, this time… “unofficially” dating. He takes me out to dinners, does favors, is there for me if I ever need something… you name it. ACTS like my boyfriend, but was opposed to “making the commitment. Every time we talk about it, he would say that if he is going to commit, it should just be the “right way” meaning marriage, and he isn’t sure if he is ready for that. My whole thing was… we are pretty much “dating” so why can’t we just call it that? Anyhow, I got fed up. Met a nice guy, and stopped taking his calls. It hurt me to do this, but I felt like things were going nowhere. Well, he kept calling. Kept texting. Finally, I thought… I owe it to him to tell him my thoughts. So, I called him and said we should get together. He picked me up and said he where he was taking me was a surprise. He proceeded to take me an hour away to my favorite restaurant. Filled my truck up with gas for me. We had a great time. We talked about anything and everything (as we always do). Finally, I told him that I had met someone. I said that I felt he was only giving me crumbs and that we have known each other for 4 years, and I don’t understand the hesitation. First he got angry and defensive. We talked for hours… he cried about what a mess inside he is, and told me how he cried out to God about his lonliness. I said it doesn’t need to be that way. Finally, he looked me in the eyes and with tears flowing, he said, “I know I never say this, but I do love you.” He hadn’t said it in years… although he was the first to say it to me initially. He then proceeded to say he was not willing to make the mistake of losing me to someone else. The next day he invited me to his Mom’s for a family event. We left early and then he took me on a 4 wheeler ride. We had a beautiful time. He was texted me to say hello… calling me more… and then a couple of weeks ago when I asked him if a friend of his who is a mechanic would be willing to fix my brakes, he had me come over so he could look at them. My daughter played, while we just sat outside looking at the sunset. Again, beautiful time. We met him at his house the next day after church and he spent the entire day working on my car. After that day, I never heard from him. No calls. No Texts. I waited to see how long he would go. Called him… he answered acted fine,Explained how busy he was. Then the following weekend, I called him again. All was fine until I said, “You know, I know how busy you are, but you could shoot me a text just to let me know you are thinking of me.” At which point he said, “I know… I know… I’ve been thinking about that and how unfair it is. I figured it’s only a matter of time before you get fed up.” And I asked, “Is that what you want?” It’s almost like sabotage. When we hung up, I sent him a text about figuring out what he wants because I cannot ride this rollercoaster. Never heard from him. 2 days later I called him so we could hash it out and end it is that;s what was necessary. No answer. So I texted him the following evening and said, “You know what… don’t bother calling me back. You don’t even have the guts to face me and end this with respect and decency? I guess you were determined to prove yourself right, and show me what an unworthy jerk you are. Well, congratulations… and _______ you. You’re a coward and a fool. I hope how you’ve handled this fill you with PEACE.” By the way, I did not use the F word… I used the alternate which is just as bad, but I was so hurt, and so angry… and could not believe that he went from crying and confessing his love, to running away and avoiding me like the plague. This goes beyond healing from the divorce… this is a man who was also, molested as a boy and when he told his parents they didn’t do anything about it, and didn’t believe him. It came out years later, and the Uncle who did it, admitted it. He has experienced major hurts and betrayals. I know he is majorly damaged. I have felt like, in the past, God was telling me to be patient. I have tried. Now I am wondering if it was God. I just don’t know what to do. He is an honest person… brutally so. So I cannot see that he lied about his feelings, but I am just not getting this. He was OK acting like my boyfriend for a year, and the second he made an actual step forward and confessed verbally his feelings (which I already knew), he goes cold. I am at a loss here. I’ve been praying. What should I do?
Peacefulwife
September 6, 2014
LIsa,
Oh how heartbreaking!
😦
It seems to me that this man has an enormous amount of wounds and scars in his life from which he has never healed. It would take a woman being very patient and showing him that he is safe with her for him to continue to open up, from what you are describing.
It is obvious to me that he does love you and wants to be with you. I understand your frustration. But, it is very difficult for someone with this level of past trauma and pain to attempt to have a healthy relationship. If you really love him, you may decide you have the patience to help walk him through the healing that will be necessary. He may need a godly Christian counselor to help him, as well.
I am sad about how things ended. From what you are saying, I don’t think that things had to end. It doesn’t seem to me like it was necessary to blast him and call him a jerk a coward and a fool. OUCH! I understand if you are not willing to be patient with him and you don’t want to walk beside him in the baby steps it will take for him to work out a relationship. But, I think that you could share your heart and concerns respectfully. You did a great job earlier.
Praying for wisdom for you and for healing for you both.
Do you want a relationship with him?
Are you willing to do the hard work that it will take to be with him – to extend TONS of patience, grace, mercy, forgiveness and understanding when he reacts in fear?
deb
September 7, 2014
Hi lisa, I would take at least 48 hours or 7 days and fast and pray and seek god for direction. We usually cannot hear from god clearly when our emotions are involved, so fasting will help bring clarity and make you spiritually sensitive to hear from god. You’ve been dealing with a lot. I would do a TV/music/facebook fast by turn off the tv, radio, and computer for at least 48 hours, no newspaper, huffington post or other media), listen to worship music only, and use time normally spent online or on hobbies or other activities seeking gods face. Light a few candles, make tea, get your bible, sit in father gods lap, and tune into god. I pray that god gives you clarity and you hear clearly what to do and have the strength and the will to do it. Your spirit knows the the way to go—-but our souls (minds, wills, emotions) can confuse us. Get in the spirit. If you’re not confident about your ability to hear from god, ask him to give you peace about what decision to make so you can be guided by that peace you experience. You can also ask him to answer you in a vision, dream, or through another person.
My opinion may be different than gods will for you, but if I were in your shoes, id cut him off completely and ignore him if he tried to pursue me again. But only god knows the whole story….
Peacefulwife
September 7, 2014
Deb,
Great suggestions about seeking God intently and getting rid of distractions!
A man this wounded would require a massive investment from a woman. That situation would not be for everyone.
Krystal
September 21, 2014
Hi Lisa,
I want to first start off by saying your blog is truly an inspiration. My story is extremely complicated and I struggle with the fact that God may never forgive me. I recently met a guy online, exchanged numbers and began texting. After some time the communication faded and like most girls I began to worry. I text me, messages him, the book but I soon realized that only pushed him away further and further. I was so upset because for some reason I knew this was the God had for me. He is extremely religious and God fearing. But I ruined it… I made numerous snap chat accounts in an attempt to see things his way. I messaged him on those accounts. He soon realized that it was me and told me to leave him alone and let him be. I am so hurt that satan pushed me to such a level. I have been praying for Gods forgiveness and to bring the man back into my life.
Any advice on how to move forward is greatly appreciated. Thank you Lisa.
Sincerely,
A troubled sinner
Peacefulwife
September 21, 2014
Krystal,
It is great to meet you! 🙂
What is your relationship with. Christ, my sweet girl?
What do you know about His forgiveness?
Are you willing to turn away from any sin and turn to Christ?
Much love!
April
Krystal
September 21, 2014
It is nice to meet you as well April. My apologies for the incorrect name usage, I knew your name is April.
My relationship with Christ is not as strong, I have been working on improving it each day. I read the Bible everyday , morning and night and I attend mass every Sunday. I am more than willing to turn completely away from sin, but temptation always creeps in. Currently I have given up completely all social networking sites because I realized I devoted more time into those than into my relationship with God.
Also is there any hope for restoration in regards to the guy situation, if not please how do I move on?
Peacefulwife
September 22, 2014
Krystal,
I invite you to read the books of John, Romans and I John in the Bible and to pray and seek a God with all your heart and yield yourself fully to Him, asking Him to speak to you, to change you, to make you more like Jesus. And, I encourage you to read The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee. You will also find posts here that may help point you to Christ and His Word in my archives at the top of the home page.
And, you may like to watch some of my YouTube videos. My channel is “April Cassidy.”
My greatest prayer for you is to have glorious oneness and spiritual intimacy with Jesus. He is the greatest Treasure there is. When you are close to him, abiding in Him, filled with His Spirit and His desires and His priorities, He will make the practical decisions clear to you.
I don’t know what the future holds for your relationship with this man. My prayer is that you might hold that idea loosely in your hands, allowing For trusting in the sovereignty of God and seeking His wisdom.
If you need to apologize for anything to this man, you may want to pray for an opportunity to do that. But right now, please show honor and respect to him by not contacting him and ask God to help you really learn from what happened so that you can approach men in a more healthy way in the future.
You don’t have to make everything work out or have everything worked out right now. Just live today. Seek God with all your heart. Desire to be right with Him and to know Him more. Be friendly to godly men. But don’t pin your happiness on them, only on Jesus. I hope that makes sense.
Much love!!!
April
Krystal
September 22, 2014
Thank you so much April! This was extremely helpful, I appreciate you and your advice 🙂